give me advice plzzz

Katie - posted on 04/26/2011 ( 15 moms have responded )

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can anyone give me advice on me letting my abusive ex see hes littel girl

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[deleted account]

Ditto Kate C. All the internet advice in the world isn't going to fix this for you. If you can't afford a lawyer... contact Legal Aid in your area and they will help you w/ your options.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/26/2011

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Katie, DO NOT let your abusive ex anywhere NEAR your daughter without a court order and supervision in place. It is admirable that he wants to be involved, but an abuser does not change his spots, and you don't want your daughter in a situation that will escalate as she gets older.

Best of luck and prayers to you!

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Pamela - posted on 04/26/2011

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If your ex abused you as a woman.....then I would NOT allow him in her presence without supervision of you or a trained professional or several adult family members....PERIOD! Good luck in getting needed support for this situation.

Tina - posted on 04/26/2011

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yeah I agree but atleast she can get legal advice and find out about it if it is a case of his him being abusive towards the child. There really isn't alot of information about the type of abuse that's happened.

Jodi - posted on 04/26/2011

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Look, until she has a COURT ORDERED custody arrangement, she has no rights to enforce anything. Recommending supervised access will do no good, because it is unlikely he will agree, and as the father, he has rights too. It is not up to the OP to take those rights away, only the court can do that. Whether we agree with it or not, that's the way it is. If she refuses any access now, when he takes HER to court to get access, that just isn't going to look so good, UNLESS she has absolute documented proof that he was a threat to the CHILD (not just abusive towards the mother).

So we come back to the same answer - see a lawyer.

Tina - posted on 04/26/2011

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You can make sure that he has superised access only talk to your local family social service to see if you can arrange that. There will be another person present and it will be in a mutual location.

Sonya - posted on 04/26/2011

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Oh katie what a difficult situation. I am not to sure if i would let him have contact unless he has done something to sort out his anger issue.

Eillim - posted on 04/26/2011

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if you think he will be abusive towards your baby girl and that there might a real potential threat then you don;t even have to consider it. It will not be a healthy situation for her as she grows. On the other hand if you feel she will be ok with him then just arrange for an exchange in a public place or through a family member. Now please also consider when making the decision whether or not he might attempt to separate her from you during one of their visitation, there are many cases of kidnapped children due to this type of situation, don't mean to scare you, just for you to research your options carefully and make sure you and your daughter will be safe at all times. Good Luck!

Jodi - posted on 04/26/2011

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You can't assume that because he was abusive to you, he will be abusive to your child, that's not the way it works. I guess it depends what you mean by "abusive".

Do you have proof of his abuse? Do you have enough proof that he will mistreat his child? What sort of abuse are we talking here? Was he only abusive towards you, or is he abusive towards everyone?

Anyway, see a lawyer, same answer everyone else has given. But in order to establish this, you will need documentation and proof.

[deleted account]

Not enough info. Is he your ex husband and the father and you the mother of the child? If he has physicaly abused either one of you please seek help. Most States have Child and Family Services at a nominal cost. There are Women's shelters that will help you. Establish custody, document any and all abuse. Please take control of your life before it ruins this childs.

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