Kayla - posted on 06/24/2013 ( no moms have responded yet )
I'm 23 and have a gorgeous 2 year old. I have been through a lot in life more than most people experience in two life times. I always knew I didn't want kids or ever get married but obviously this changed. Im being honest here and want honest replies. I was told I could not have children when I was 18. The man I was dating at the time beat the living hell out of me daily but wouldn't let me leave and would try to get me pregnant so I would not leave. For 2 years this happened and not once did I get pregnant. Then when I was 21 I got pregnant the first time with my now ex boyfriend and I was so sick, lost 25 lbs in 1 month and was always in the hospital bc of the pregnancy and doctor suggested I get an abortion bc something could be seriously wrong.. I got the abortion and I felt horrible about it. Now we got pregnant bc I was on antibotics and I didn't know that it cancels out birth control pill which I was only on for my periods. Well 2 months later I got pregnant AGAIN bc his condom broke. I took this as a sign from God telling me this child needed to be born. The first year was hard, very hard bc just 3 months before I had her, my ex and I was involved in a shooting where he got shot 6 times and was hospital bound and I had to take care of him and everything else. He helped out when he could once she was born. We fought so bad, PTSD and neither one of us healed from that situation. Since Jan. I had a break down, Ive been diagnosed with severe depression, severe anxiety, and sever PTSD, had these since I was 16. Anyways, now that my daughter is 2, I have my own place, my own car but no job, no income even though im applying everything and im beyond stressed out. When she is at her dads which he lives with his mother and step dad my daughter is so happy there!! When shes at my place she just seems down, unhappy, doesn't play with her toys. It breaks my heart. I also don't have that connection a mother should have with their child. I love her yes, I would die for her absolutely, but I honestly believe she is best cared for at her fathers. I really don't think I was meant to be a mother. Im terrified to tell this to her father bc I know he will run me into the ground and make me feel ten times worse than I already do.... Any advice???