giving your child up

Terasa - posted on 03/15/2011 ( 9 moms have responded )

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has anyone had doubts about their parenting and given their child up like one year old or older? why did or didn't you give your baby up? and how did you cope with your decision or make changes?

thankyou.

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Terasa - posted on 03/17/2015

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exercise even 20 min. seratonin goes along way to mental health n goto groups if you can for families where u can bring your kids. i was also told to do things with children that YOU want to do for you. they are wonderful keen and would love it and gives you a bit of mental break. hire babysitter or nurse if u can afford it and bring them all swimming inc babysitter. big mental break. do yoga or stretch before bed then you goto sleep feeling rejuvinated instead of spent. do u have family extended family reach out to them call them! u prob have no time for facebook but reconnecting w friends from different life journies even circle of moms gets u out of babybrain and some adult help. u need to get some supports even if its councellors or family groups i had no support either from my partner and supports go along way girlfriend.im still w my partner but my relationship or rather i changed drastically cause hes a boy and hes stupid;) and emotional disconnected. i learned not to depend on him for emotional support. i just went two weeks w o talking to him except for txt and i didnt even miss it. i used to cry and bag and fight for him to spend more time with us cause i needed supports and he completly drew away i was falling apart. my mom came and said not to be stupid i was giving away my love for nothing looking for love to be returned and i was killing myself i learned to smarten up took time over couple years n still learning to some extent but feel strong. i also got pets. takes time to clean and look after but i had no love in my home except for my child. i got two guinea pigs. BEST decision i did she was 3 4 years old when i got them. my husband hated that i got two but he finally tonight just made joke about it being a good thing for me. i also just got a dog at xmas. had to wait till right time wanted one for couple yrs but it was another great decision. if you like music put it on well y ou clean. n only do what you can with your house work is something i was told u need to look after ur children n u too. the rest can wait till tomorrow. u are number one if there is no healthy you there is no healthy mom for your babes look after yourself. that s all i got girl. i wish you prayers and the best enjoy your baby! if you ever want to write feel free to do so!

Pamela - posted on 03/15/2011

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First, I would ask why do you lack confidence to rear a child? Do you doubt your own abilities? Is someone else doubting your abilities and making you feel inadequate?

If none of the above is occurring, I would encourage you to understand that parenting is a lifelong job. Even when grown and with families of their own....they are still yours!
That is why parenting is a LIFELONG commitment and should not be entered into lightly.
I encourage you to seek family counseling before giving up your precious child. Children are a gift. Cherish your gift from the Divine.

Tina - posted on 03/15/2011

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I did release my child for adoption but he was a baby and it was right after birth. It was the hardest choice that I ever had to make. I had my doubts about parenting at 18 with the situation I was in. I still see him because it is an open adoption. I would not do it any other way for myself or him. That was 10 years ago there is not a day that goes by that I do not think about him and wonder if I could have made it work. I do not regret my choice because I chose the family and I see how happy he is, I know I did what was best for the both of us. If this is something that you are real thinking about for a child that is 1+yrs old I would strongly encourage you to look in to family members or friends. I would also recommend an open adoption, weather it is as open as mine to where I can call and talk to him as often as I like or you just get some pictures and letters threw out the year. That way when the child does have questions they can be answered by you from you. No miscommunication. I have to say I still think of him as my son and my children know him as a brother. They ( His parents and my son) now live in WI and I live in MN.
It was the hardest for me when I had my second Baby who is now 8 and I chose to keep him. I was older and wiser and my situation had changed a lot. I was with the father of my first child that had stayed the same. Today we are no longer together. I am glad that what my 8 year old is going threw I did not have to put 2 children threw. I have been fighting a custody battle going on 3 years now.
I am now married and have a son with my husband and a little girl on the way. I know there will be questions from my son that I released but I am ready to answer them when they come. I tell him when I talk with him or see him that I love him and that will never change. He knows who I am and his parents are very open with him. I will not lie it still hurts but I also go in and talk to teen mom's who are struggling with the choice. I try and let them know that it is there choice and their choice only along with the dads of course if they are involved. I don't know for me personally if I could give up an older child. My situation would have to be very bad. As far as having doubts about parenting I do not know of one parent out there who does not think about it and have doubts in some way shape or form. We are human and we make mistakes. As long as we learn from them and how we chose to fix them (the best we can) is up to us. Doing what is best for our children is up to us as well. If adoption is a way to get a child out of a bad situation and give them one that is a whole lot better then I would look into it. I would not make any quick decisions, by any means I would talk to a lot of people, including a lawyer or agency that deals with these kinds of things. I would also talk to my Doctor about how I was feeling and why. I know I do not fit what you were asking for. My child was a baby at the time and I did not get a chance to get to know him like I would if I would have kept him for a year. But I deal with my choice everyday raising my other children and I live with that choice. Like I said I do not regret my choice by any sense of the word but I do think about the what if's a lot. It is a hard choice for anyone. Weather you are 14 or older. There is no one way to cope with the choice. I cried for days and wrote letters to him. A girl I know left town for 6 months till she could come back and deal with her choice. Another woman I know has a very open adoption and sees both of her children once a month and is aloud to take them over night and to family events. The kids call her B-mom (birth-mom) The choice is all up to the mother and father if they are involved. Here in MN the father has to consent to the adoption. I don't know if I answered your question or not but that is my story. I hope I helped you out.
Sorry so long.

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/18/2015

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Old thread. Closing. Please feel free to start a new thread on this topic.

~WtCoM MoD LiTtLe MiSs~

Marissa - posted on 03/18/2015

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thank you terasa dibattista, I have one or two family members I can call on I've just never been good at asking for help, but I know that in order to keep my head on for boys I'm going to have to learn to open up. the music thing good is idea me and boys use to always dance to wii just dance and u can't be sad after that! may have to dig it out! the giving my love for free touched me your absolutely right we haven't talked for four weeks now and I'm starting to think that our 13 years together will end . we've been thru a lot but his lack of support after all I've supported him on shows me I deserve better if that mean me and my three little men then so be it bc he will just keep me down thanks again for replying I needed adult ideas even if it's from a stranger! I'm still real scared tho!

Marissa - posted on 03/17/2015

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I'm a 34 yr old mom of 3 boys preg again w about 7 weeks till I'm due. I'm a stay at home mom w really no friends and even tho I'm w dad I'm getting no emotional support from him. I'm really getting scared of dealing w this alone not so sure how I'm going to deal w this. I'm very down and depressed right now and worried bout that day. I'm looking for opinions on what I should due to cope with this.

Tina - posted on 03/15/2011

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Teresa,
In my case I do not think I would have gone with a family member at the time. My family had a lot to do with my situation, of not wanting to raise my child. When I look back I would have looked at My own mom or my Aunts. That way the child stayed in the family. I would now Have my Mom raise my kids any day of the week but at the time we were having our own problems. If I were you I would start by if there is anyone in your family who can not have children or would like to have more. Or someone who you are close to and trust. If you are going to look at family. A good place to always start is by talking about why you are feeling why you would want to give up your child(en) after a year plus. be it family counselling or a therapist for yourself. If you are in an unsafe situation, there are more options then giving up your kids. A shelter or police are always a good place to start. If you are thinking about giving up your children because of an unsafe situation then you are stronger then you know and you do not have to go that route. You can find a way to make it safe, or leave. But if that is not the case and you are looking for a better situation for your children then what you feel you can give them I strongly suggest going and talking with an agency near your home. They can always help they have people you can talk to about your situation and they make sure that it is the right thing for you. If you do not mind me asking Why are you looking to give up your baby? please do not feel obligated to answer. I am just asking because after a year plus just seems like a long time to me. I hope I helped.

Terasa - posted on 03/15/2011

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tina i think the greatest thing we can do is respond! thankyou so much for your help and story! thanks hon. would you go friends or family over open adoption. i am not sure what family would be best for my baby so i don't know where to start or to go.

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