Going back to father of baby

Ali - posted on 10/26/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Well lets start off by saying hi I'm Ali. I'm 23 with a 4 month old breastfed baby girl. One month ago we left the babies father. This is why: he gave me a letter stating I had 30 days to move out, he had called me a c*** the night before along with other choice names late at night, kept telling me to get the f*** out and then ripped the blankets off of me. He was already sleeping in the spare room. Anyways, I woke up the next morning to him serving me with move out papers, and him saying to me and the baby that "I'm gonna take baby to Indiana where my family is rich and powerful and where we can raise her right", and "I'm suing you for extorting me for a baby, and living off of me and using my daughter against me."
A little background hes 30 years my senior...I got pregnant by accident and decided to keep the baby. We pulled it together but its been a long 9 months and he was getting upset that I was co-sleeping with the baby - I have since stopped.

Long story short, I went to the cops made a police report of said events and they told me to go stay with someone else. I am now living next door to my Dad and it is tough. We have tried working it out but he just wants me to come back sight unseen is asking me to put our issues aside and find peace again. I want NOTHING MORE then to go back to our beautiful home. This is very very very hard. He says if I wanted to be there I would be. He was going to come and get us last weekend, and I started asking questions like how do we prevent this from happening, and maybe we shouldnt do this. He ended up not driving out to get us and we havent been talking much.
I feel horrible. Am I doing the right thing, or should I just go home get into therapy? Thank you. Sorry for the long post.

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Zipp72 - posted on 10/26/2014

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Please don't go back there. I've been in a similar situation and it will escalate quickly. This is how abuse starts. You are out now, stay out. If not for you, do it for your daughter. No man should ever treat a woman or his child like this.

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Zipp72 - posted on 10/26/2014

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Abusers always try and put the blame on you, to make you feel like you've done something wrong and make themselves look clean. It's up to him to come see his daughter, not you. Stay strong and when you look back on it you will see that you did the right thing by leaving and staying away. You will feel stronger for doing it. He will try everything he can to get you to come back, but you have to stay strong and not let him convince you he's changed. Men like this do not change...most don't anyways. He needs help, not you.

It took me 6 years to crawl out from under my first husband. I had no idea the control he had over me until I left. It took a long time to get back to myself, but I knew I had to for the sake of my children. Take heart in knowing you are doing the right thing, even if you don't see it yet.

Ali - posted on 10/26/2014

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Thank you. I guess I'm just reaching out for reassurance at this point. That's the main reason as to why I haven't gone back....what could happen next time? I feel bad cause were like 2 hours away and hes seen his daughter once since we've left but he wont even admit what he did or said to me and says I need a psychiatrist that I am sick and need to take it easy. Um no thanks. But thank you so much. Just got to get through this and stay strong.

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