Going through a custody battle. We both want full custody.....Im so terrified.

Sierra - posted on 03/30/2010 ( 22 moms have responded )

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We both live in seperate counties and we can not agree because both of us want to have him during the week and put him in school next year. So we go to court next Tuesday to battle for full custody.

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Tenille - posted on 03/31/2010

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If you're a great mom and do what's right by your child you have nothing to worry about. The judge is only interested in the best interest of the child. I went through this battle 5 months ago and after 3000 in lawyer fees 3000 in plane tickets (i work overseas) i look back and think how much easier it would've been had we just talked it out. We ended up going to court and getting another court date because my child's guardian ad litem couldn't make it to court. I had a lawyer but son's father did not. My lawyer talked to us both and ex and i agreed that i will have primary physical custody but we both have joint custody(which is what the judge will recommend) so he gets our son every spring & summer break and every other holiday(My ex and i wrote our own custody agreement). Some pointers in court..the judge is watching both of you very closely so whatever you do DO NOT speak negative towards your ex and if he lies in court DO NOT roll your eyes or show any type of signals that you are pissed. When he speaks you have a pen a nd pad handy and take notes so when it is your time to talk( or your lawyers time) you can defend yourself..This is what my lawyer told me prior to my ex and i going to court. Dress appropriately and DO NOT tell the judge that you want Full custody, be open to joint custody but that you want primary physical custody. If the judge thinks in anyway that you are trying to keep your son away from his dad (which is called parental interference) you will lose custody. I hope this help! Relax and you will be fine..TRUST ME!

Katherine - posted on 03/31/2010

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Can't someone say something just a tad encouraging rather than grow up? I'm sure when you want help that's exactly what you want to hear: negative feedback. I'm not saying be delicate, I'm just saying be empathetic.

Maria - posted on 03/31/2010

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I don't know much about how custody works when the parents are living in two different countries.
I am wondering though, is the father a reasonable person to talk to? Or is he very difficult? If you guys can agree to a plan about how things will work, that would be ideal. If you guys can't have a productive conversation, just try to focus your effort on doing what is best for your child... What school system would be best? And where would be a good place for your child to live? If you do what is best for your child, I don't think things can turn out badly. If you have any anger or frustration with the child's dad, try to put those feelings aside when making decisions. I know it is hard!!!!!
And if you aren't comfortable with something, don't settle with it.

Anke - posted on 03/31/2010

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I'm going throu the same stuff just a little diffrent. We live close enough to share but he does not need to work and that makes him think he can have them full time... I think seeng my kids shared costedy is hard on them because they change houses and rules all the time.. I know it all sound nice the kids can see both parents but everybody wants to raise the children diffrent and thing that confuses them enough...No matter what happens it will be hard on all of you.Good luck!

Iridescent - posted on 03/31/2010

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There's open enrollment in most places in the US now. Even living in different counties, can't you choose the better school for what you both want for your son, regardless of how custody works out, and when he's at the other parent's house he can still be picked up at that house on those days by a bus. The school just needs to know the schedule. Simple. Even without open enrollment, he'd qualify and be picked up for a fee in other areas. Not a big deal at all. Even if those aren't an option, if it's worth the fight to get your son, it's worth it to drive him there and pick him up every day as well. There are families here that have shared custody in different STATES (well over 100 miles apart) that drive to and from the school daily to do this. Yes it's a lot of work, but they value their children, not winning.

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Cindy - posted on 03/10/2013

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Does anyone know of any grants for Moms fighting for custody of her child. This is a stay-at home Mom, who is now looking for a job. Her husband wanted a divorce the minute he found out she was pregnant, but did not tell her til the child was 2. She has no job and no money and has exhausted all of her pre-marital savings on her attorney. The husband got hooked up with Father's Right's blogs and succeeded in getting a grant for his attorney expenses, who is, naturally, a father's rights attorney. The father of this child has never even held her, never bought her a stitch of clothes, prepared her food, fed her, has never accompanied them to the pediatrician (didn't even know the doctor's name), etc. He has just been awarded JOINT custody. During the times that he has the child, he pawns her off on his mother.......This MOM needs help to fight him...any ideas? Her lawyer is not motivated to help in anyway since she knows the $$$$ is gone! Pitiful and UNFAIR!

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Wow, a lot of people on here are in the mind set that she is just trying to keep her son from his father. That’s sad, because it’s happened too often, but that just doesn’t sound like it’s the case here. What if she is really a single mom who busted her butt working while she was pregnant, while this ‘father’ just sat on his ass all day? What if after she had her son, she continued to work to support her family because the ‘father’ refused to get a job even then? Maybe this guy is a piece of shit who really IS trying to keep the child from a mother who has her priorities all together and wants nothing but the best for her son? He could be some drunk who smokes pot and parties all day, whether or not his son is up there with him for the week or not?
I think you don’t have anything to worry about. I think the judge has seen these things far too often to be fooled by some dead beat dad who thinks he is going to pull the wool over his eyes by pretending to be all that is good and caring while in court. Just take a deep breath and relax if you can, and remember that there is nothing you can do until it happens, so giving yourself and ulcer in the meantime won’t do you any good.

Meghan - posted on 03/31/2010

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I am a firm believer in a child needs to be with their mother and most courts would agree (short of abuse and neglect or drug use). I don't know your situation though and of course a father's role plays a part too,,my ex lives 3 hours away from me and has threatned to go after sole custody but he is full of hot air (and the responsibility of havinga child for more than 24 hours would affect his partying). I am assuming there has been some sort of mediation and I hope that the judge does decide what is best for the child! Good luck and keep us posted!

Melissa - posted on 03/31/2010

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Why not compromise and go halfs?? it should not matter what school he goes to as long as he has both parents supporting him. You both need tolook at your lives and decide what is best for him... it will never be easy,but never let the child ever feel he has to pick a side. Kid's catch on sooo quickly to everything their parents do, being Mature and adults and not dragging him through this long court process and angry fights would be so beneficial to him. The child is #1... never hurt the child. Best of luck

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Good luck! I don't know what is best for your child since I don't know you or your ex, but I do know that fear. My ex walked out on his newborn son (and daugthers) for almost a year and a half and STILL tried to get full custody. He's still trying and it's ridiculous. If you and your ex are able to be reasonable and discuss what is strictly in your child's best interests it will be a LOT better for everyone than fighting. Unfortunately in my case that will never be possible since only one of us is actually trying to do what is best for the kids....

Brittany - posted on 03/31/2010

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Don't worry about a thing. Most countries and courts recognize the importance of mother and child being together and will most times side with the mother. Just relax and don't let your nerves get to you!

Iridescent - posted on 03/31/2010

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Another option some parents do is having the children live in one house at all times, and the parents move out weekly, rotating.

Maria - posted on 03/31/2010

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Oops, I read that wrong then..
If you two live in different counties, I do think you will have to live in the same area once your child starts school. Do you have a lawyer or anything to help you in court?

Sharon - posted on 03/31/2010

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This is what a divorce is about which sucks for kids.

I can't imagine how a judge would decide. If all things are equal what do you do? Flip a coin?

Can both of you move slightly closer to one another? So that the child can live in both houses and go to the same school?

Why the big fight over who gets to enroll him?

Kathy - posted on 03/31/2010

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I have to agree with everyone here. Time to grow up. Shared custody is the best when it comes to parenting. No reason either of you need full custody. Find a school district that is the middle of you both and enroll him there, then you both can make the drive for drop off/pick up. School days with you, weekends/holidays with him. Sucks but this is what happens when parents seperate. Fighting gets you nowhere except eventually making your child feel guilty.

Tracy - posted on 03/31/2010

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Gwen has a good point, are you two fighting just to "win"? Or can you really compromise and figure out a way to make it work?



If the judge hasn't yet, I'm betting they will order mediation and strongly recommend you work it out. I'm surprised your lawyers have not pushed you to that already. Judges (here anyway) do NOT like bloody custody battles because of the rammifications to the kids. Start trying to come up with some compromises you can throw at him, and be willing to work with him. For the good of your son.

Natalie - posted on 03/31/2010

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I don't know your background but the court usually decides for shared custody unless one of the parents proves that the other is not fit for it.
The law also wants the best for the child and that is to have both parents around, equally and without fights.
You two need to sit down and think about what's best for your CHILD and not try to get full custody just to hurt the other one. The one who really suffers is your child.

Also, if you get shared custody then i would think it's best you guys don't live too far from each other so he can go to the same school ,no matter at who's house he is.
It's all about your son, nothing else matters.

Gwen - posted on 03/31/2010

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You both need to grow up and learn about COMPROMISE, for the sake of your child. Obviously you both love and care for him, or you wouldn't want him. But, is dragging everyone (including him!) through a long, drawn out court battle in the best interest of your son? I think you guys both need to sit down and look long and hard at yourselves. Are you fighting for your son's best interests... or fighting to be "right"?

Regardless of the outcome, no one wins.

Sierra - posted on 03/31/2010

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We have a temporary parenting plan in order. We exchange him every Sunday at a neutral location approx. half way between both locations.

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