Going to court for custody and visitation

Kelsey - posted on 09/20/2016 ( 19 moms have responded )

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I have a 3 year old son, I am 20 and so is the father of my child. I have not gone to court yet and was wondering if anyone has ever been in my shoes. The father of my child has never been alone with our child since birth. He has recently moved about 2 hours away (living with 3 other men) and has been posting inappropriate things on the internet, like him drinking and cracking jokes about being under the influence, BTW we is only 20 which is underage. He has never been to any dr, dentist, or school related events. I am just wondering is there anyway that he will be able to only have supervised visits? I do not want my little boy to be able to go alone with him. And what should I be worried about going to court?

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Sarah - posted on 09/22/2016

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Kelsey, you have told everyone that his father is not to pick him up. At my school, where I am a nurse; unless I have a court order banning contact? If dad came, I'd release the child to the father. This is why everyone is telling you to work out an agreed upon visitation schedule and get it signed by a judge!

Ev - posted on 09/21/2016

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{Oh okay, my little boy is in daycare, not sure if that matters but that is school. He goes every day besides the weekends.}-----No, it is not school and would have no baring on dad getting weekend visits and holidays.
{ I just want to know if its worth going to court. Right now he only sees my little boy about 4 times a month (once a week).}----So that is all you allow? He has as much right as you do to have the child with him and be a parent.
{ Me personally knowing him, I know he is NOT responsible enough to watch my little one, and it scares me that if we go to court, it really doesn't matter what I think or feel.}----What do you mean he is not responsible enough? How do you know he would not take care of the child? You do not know him as well anymore as you are not with the father. He has every right as you to this child regardless of how much he knows of taking care of a kid....HE CAN LEARN JUST LIKE YOU HAD TO LEARN! ANd the court does not take feelings or your thoughts into consideration...its not about you.

Yes I do know that. As far as I know, I have told everyone that he is not to pick Zane up and like I've said he doesn't know where my little boy is 100% of the time.}---This ticks me off. He has a right to see his kid and you are alienating him from his son.
{ So really, he {wouldn't know where to look to be able to go and take him.}----I hope he brings this up in court!
{ But I do understand where you are coming from. I just feel like I would rather this then have 50/50 custody.}-----I do not think you do understand a thing. The child has a right to both parents. You do not have that option to demand anything in court.

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Dove - posted on 09/22/2016

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One more comment... I said to prepare for 50/50 custody in court, but I didn't say that's what WOULD happen. It is possible that you would get full custody and the dad only get visitations. Anything is possible. I only said to prepare for 50/50 because if it did happen it wouldn't knock you on your butt and devastate you since you'd already be ready for it... and if he got less it would be a pleasant surprise.

I know, I know... wasting my breath.

Dove - posted on 09/22/2016

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If that's all you think I am talking about or what I mean... then it's more and more obvious that you don't understand what I am saying. Ev is right... I'm done wasting my breath after this comment. Hopefully your son will not pay for your choices and it will be like some of the people that refuse to get court orders and never truly suffer... instead of like the others that do.

How can you guarantee that he will not come and take your son? You don't trust him enough to be alone w/ your son, but you trust him enough to be so sure that he will never get it into his head that the best way to hurt you would be to take his son and go into hiding? Pretty confident trust in a man you don't trust....

Kelsey - posted on 09/22/2016

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I just think its crazy that you think I am keeping him from his father. That is not what I am doing. I haven't put everything about myself, my son, and my BD.. So how is it that you know I am keeping him from him. He will not come and take my son. I appreciate what you think you are doing. I just think you don't know me or what I am doing personally with my child.. But thank you. I have heard enough..

Dove - posted on 09/22/2016

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No... you are actually talking to people who have lived that life for years already... which is why we are encouraging you to get a court order. That IS how you protect your child. If he finds your son he has every right to take him from whoever is watching him whether you have told them not to or not and he does NOT have to give your child back. He could take him and you wouldn't see him for years... UNLESS you have a court order to protect your child.

You think you are protecting your child, but you aren't... that is what you are not getting. I'm responding BECAUSE I care about you and your child and don't want you to go through hell. You have no idea how many women I've seen on here over the years who thought exactly like you do right now who have then had to come on here saying the father has the child and the police won't help them and what do they do now? That is why I am being blunt and harsh... because you don't get it. Hopefully your ex will not take his son and refuse to give him back (though that is kind of what you are doing to him now), but it happens... all the time.

Kelsey - posted on 09/22/2016

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Okay, I understand ladies. I really thought this was a place to get help, and yes you are helping me but I dont understand yall being so rude about it all. I am sorry that I have posted twice. I am new to this so I am sorry for bothering you with the same question twice. And again, yall arent very nice about it all. If you dont want to answer my question then that is fine, but I dont think I would go on someone elses thing and comment things like its going to bite me in the end and how apparently your saying Im not a good mother because I wont protect my son. But that is exactly what I am doing. I am sorry that you ladies do not know the kind of person My BD is but you do not know him and the things he has done. SO thank you for your answers. I will not be replying to the rude comments anymore. I think I have some answers, but of course I am talking to the wrong people..

Dove - posted on 09/21/2016

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She apparently didn't understand, Ev... Reality is gonna bite someone in the butt someday.

Michelle - posted on 09/21/2016

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So you have 2 posts asking the same thing in different ways. You are getting the same answers on both.

Dove - posted on 09/21/2016

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Well... if you want to endanger your child more and risk losing him permanently I suppose that is your choice....

Kelsey - posted on 09/21/2016

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Yes I do know that. As far as I know, I have told everyone that he is not to pick Zane up and like I've said he doesn't know where my little boy is 100% of the time. So really, he wouldn't know where to look to be able to go and take him. But I do understand where you are coming from. I just feel like I would rather this then have 50/50 custody.

Dove - posted on 09/21/2016

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You need a court order to protect all of you. What are you going to do if he decides to visit your son and take him and not give him back? If there is no court order detailing who gets the child and when... the police will not get involved and you will HAVE to go to court to get back or even see your child.

Kelsey - posted on 09/21/2016

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Oh okay, my little boy is in daycare, not sure if that matters but that is school. He goes every day besides the weekends. I just want to know if its worth going to court. Right now he only sees my little boy about 4 times a month (once a week). Me personally knowing him, I know he is NOT responsible enough to watch my little one, and it scares me that if we go to court, it really doesn't matter what I think or feel.

Dove - posted on 09/20/2016

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Be prepared for 50/50 custody. He might start out w/ gradual visitations, but could potentially work up to 50/50 parenting time rather quickly. Living 2 hours away 'might' impact how that looks since a week on and a week off will not be practical time sharing when he is in school w/ that distance... but weekends, holidays, etc...

Ev - posted on 09/20/2016

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Welcome to the Circle of Moms--to your first question.

As to your comment--just because he was not around does not make him neglectful. Neglect is failing to provide the care a child needs that IS in your care meaning in your physical care. He may be neglecting to give the child attention that is needed but since he is not taking care of him physically all the time like you are. Neglect is what is termed in the care of the child. He still has rights.

Kelsey - posted on 09/20/2016

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I'm sorry, what is the WTCOM?
And I'm not saying I was an expert, but I've been around since day one and I wanted to learn how to care for my son. he's never been around longer than an hour, and still isn't around so in my opinion I guess that is somewhat neglectful.

Ev - posted on 09/20/2016

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Kelsey,
I hate to break it to you but unless you can prove with evidence that the father is a danger to the child, he will get as much visitation as the law allows where you live. That will include overnight visits.

In order to get supervised visits you need to prove he is unfit--abusive, neglectful, has criminal record of crimes that would make it harder for him to have unsupervised visits or none at all, and it has to be documented. Social media postings are not enough evidence to prove his unfitness as a parent.

Also, just because he has never been around for doctor visits, dentist, or school things does no mean he is a bad father. Just because he did no care for the child does not mean he can not learn. You were not an expert the day your child was born.

You need to go to the top of the WTCOM's forum and read the custody and visitation post that was made for this very quesiton.

Great advice there!

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