Got the feeling i will never be accepted

Alicia - posted on 08/09/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )




No matter what I do and how much I try, my SDs will never accept me. I have stepped aside so that my husband and ex set the rules and discipline, I have been there in case they need to talk, I include them in our plans, and given them the best advice a SM could without stepping over any of the BM's boundaries. Yet, they can't stand me. They twist my words, talk really bad about me, and give my husband a very hard time. They have told my husband that they want to go out with their dad but without me. And I don't have a problem with that. But my husband, he insists I join them. I tell him he needs to spend time with his daughters when they come to visit and to not worry about me. I have plenty to do to keep me busy. ... When they visit, they don't greet me. It's like I am not there. I can sense the tension. When they do decide to talk to me, it's usually to just gossip and criticize others. At this point I do express to them how I feel about gossiping and criticisms. And of course, words get twisted and Bm is calling my husband to complain. She states that I do not love them and do not treat them right. Which is entirely not true. I have talked to them sincerely about these issues. To try to resolve our issues, but it doesn't work. I have discussed it with my husband, he says he will talk to them. When I ask him if he has spoken to them, he tells me he knows what he needs to do and will be done in a good time. (But not yet). I am at the point of shutting down. Giving up. And just focus on my own sons. I just feel that this will never end and just don't want to be around when they visit. What else can I do?


View replies by

Kate - posted on 09/16/2013




Im in a similar situation. My eldest step daughter calls me out on every comment I make and refuses to accept my house rules. Even down to lying about stuff just to be obstreperous. Im thinking of seeking counselling for myself on how to cope with her and her sister as I feel like Im being purposely victimised. My husband tries his best but they are both puppetered by the ex wife which makes it difficult for him to get our point across. I wish you success.

Michelle - posted on 08/09/2013




It sounds like all of you could do with speaking to a mediator or someone neutral to get everything out in the open. Have a big meeting with everyone involved there together so things can be discussed openly. That way the children can't lie as there are adults there that know the truth.
You husband has to let his children know that while they are with him they are required to treat you with the respect and courtesy that other adults in the family receive.
The Mother needs to be told how her children are treating you instead of the other way around (yes I know it's not true).
It also sounds like your husband is just doing things to please his children as he doesn't want them to dislike him like they do you. He needs to step up and be a parents not a friend.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms