graduation parties with divorced family

Jodi - posted on 04/17/2011 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My son is graduating HS,I have been divorced for 5 years.We had 4 children together.My ex husband and his extended family live in our town.We lost our youngest child 3 years ago.Based on that experience(hospice at my house,allowing them to be there at her time of death,and never having them speak to me before,during,or after.He is going through his second divorce.My son wants to have 1 party.They would come...let me pay for it...stress out and probably not speak to me or my family.My son comes first but, truthfully I am so tired of taking the high road.I am very outgoing and have divorce ettiquette.Do I have 1 party and suck it up for my son?Help!!

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Stacy - posted on 06/25/2014

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From experience, when I had my son's graduation party in 2012, I invited my ex and his family, my ex said he would pay for part of the party. On the day of graduation, he gave my son a card with a check for $200 dollars and said, either you can take this as a gift for yourself or give it to your mom for my part of the graduation party. My son gave me the check. I did not find out until months later (what was said). On that note, my daughter graduates next year, I will not be inviting my ex or his family. By the way, my ex-in-laws have nothing to do with my children.

Theresa - posted on 04/17/2011

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Though I do think you should take the high road, I don't think that you should have to pay for it all. Tell you ex that your son would like to have 1 party. Then ask if he's willing to chip in. Either ask him to bring/provide certain things, or ask for some money to help pay. However don't make a fight over it and don't hold your breath. Ask and leave it at that. Then ignore everything else and enjoy your son's day. He'll appreciate you all the more for it, especially when he becomes a parent himself. Good luck.

Donielle - posted on 04/17/2011

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I can't speak from a parents point of view, but I can speak from a child's point of view. I'm blessed to have my parents be good friends and have never had issues with my mom and dad pitching in for stuff like my graduation and wedding, etc and having 1 party and it's been great. However, my brother has yet to be able to have his whole family at any of his events due to my mom's family despising his father. I hate it and felt horrible for him for his graduation. We had to keep it a secret that his dad was even in town, let alone went to the graduation and had a small celebration alone with him and I dread the day he gets married and am just praying that my mom's family will get over themselves so that he can have 1 time in his life where he can actually celebrate with his entire family. So I say, suck it up for your son.

Sarah - posted on 04/17/2011

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Yeah, I think you're pretty much stuck on this one. My parents are divorced and for years they couldn't be in the same room at the same time with each other. I absolutely Hated having seperate parties, seperate holidays, etc. It took them 14 years to suck it up enough to both attend my brother's wedding. Thankfully, much progress has been made since then, and this year we celebrated our first Thanksgiving together as a family in over 24 years. It was amazing!!

Jennifer - posted on 04/17/2011

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It does stink having to be the "adult" all the time, but since your son has requested it, I think one party is what he deserves. After all, graduating is a huge accomplishment. Your son will remember this for the rest of his life, and I don't think this is the time to try to prove anything to his father.

Erica - posted on 04/17/2011

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Yep....Believe me taking the high road is not always easy but your son will remember what you did for him and be very greatful. Also you could always ask dad nicely if he could help pay for some of the expense, tell him you will keep receipts ( to show him where money went), it is his son too he might suprise you and want to help. I wouldnt ask him to do any of the planning though.

Louise - posted on 04/17/2011

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This is your sons day so yep I would suck it up. You don't want to make a scene but for one day be civil to each other and celebrate your sons success. You are the better woman and no matter what your ex does he can't snub your sons achievement.

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