graduation party with only ex's family

Laurie - posted on 05/24/2014 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Please help, looking for advice. I have read and understand the concept of taking the high road for daughters sake to have one grad party which includes both sides of divorced family. Our problem has a unique twist and it's causing huge stress. My siblings also have kids graduating this same year, and to make it easier and not to invite relatives to 3 separate parties, we agreed to all combine one family party and then each girl graduate have her own friends party. Me and daughter together planned her friends party, and now she informs me she expects to invite all her dad's side of the family to the friend party. It was a horrible divorce, and has never gotten better. I could maybe have tried to suck it up if my family were there so it sort of an even balance for support. She has known for months of the separate family party and never disagreed before. What do I do? It makes no sense for her to expect me to host just his side of family at this friend party and his family has history of ganging up against me. It's her day, but I don't think she realizes how bad of a day that could turn out to be! Help all ideas appreciated!

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Ev - posted on 05/24/2014

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Is the dad's side of the family not invited to the combined grad party? I mean he is her father so why is he not there?

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Laurie - posted on 05/25/2014

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That's exactly what I have been saying to my daughter. Lately everything with her is so black and white, no middle ground on any topics. So she said if she can't invite her dad's family then she doesn't want this "friends" grad party at all that we have been planning. I'm wondering if the reason she didn't bring it up before, is because she wants to put the invite on Facebook which is what the teens are doing, and she's now worried his family will see it? It still wouldn't matter if they saw it, as long as her dad was hosting something because his family would get their own invites. She isn't putting up the combined family invite on Facebook. Just the kids do it for each other.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/25/2014

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What about her fathers side throws their OWN grad party for her? Why not recommend that ? This way you have nothing to do with it, and don't need to attend.

Laurie - posted on 05/24/2014

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I see some similarities. The church thing for example. Throughout her life he has refused to attend or let her participate in any church things if they fell on his weekends so I'm sure she will feel awkward about grad sunday now that you mention it. We have always celebrated birthdays and holidays separately and I see this falling in that category, kind of. Obviously wedding would be different she would do invites and that's a ceremony. Which he will be at grad ceremony

Anita - posted on 05/24/2014

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Ev - posted on 05/24/2014

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My daughter had a few choices to make because of being from a divorced family. Grad Sunday was one. We attended different churches (her father and I) and each church had the same Sunday set aside for the Grads. When she finally chose my church, her dad and step mom were furious over it. No one said they could not come to my church for the Grad Sunday, and as it was I would have gone to theirs if that had been her choice. We all attended Graduation for her and sat in a common area. We did not have parties for her because not all of us could afford that. She also had to chose a few other things that her step mom did not like the choices of. Is this how hard it is for your family?

Laurie - posted on 05/24/2014

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For all 3 of my siblings, the group we are inviting is the side of the family we all have in common, it is a large group. Then it's up to each of the 3 grad families to have whatever other celebrations work for them. My married sibling having one other party that would combine anyone. My divorced sibling having a party that would include people her and the graduate daughter both have in common and that father (the ex) celebrate separately.

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