Grand son turning 16 says he will be able to do as he pleases...

Marg - posted on 09/15/2016 ( 10 moms have responded )

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My husband and I have guardianship for 2 years of our grandson. He is turning 16 right away, and says he will be able to do as he pleases. He is still going to high school in Alberta. He is very brilliant, can be a very good teenager, but can also be the total opposite. His language to use is totally awful when he is angry with us. I don't want my husband to tell him to leave, but I know grandson needs to show respect. I Need help in knowing what to do?

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Marg - posted on 09/17/2016

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Thanks Dove, no he doesn't have a job, and we know he has it very good here, and he knows that too. Counselling is what he really needs, and I will be giving him a couple of options towards him getting it.

Marg - posted on 09/17/2016

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Thanks for your help, and Jodi did have good advice too, He will soon see it is not as easy as he thinks once we explain to him and he will see a lot of his things not accessible to him as he once had.

Marg - posted on 09/17/2016

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Thank you and I know focus on the family does have some excellent helping tools. I guess I just don't want him out and about in this cruel world if he should leave. Thanks again.

Marg - posted on 09/17/2016

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We have been considering on doing a few of your suggestions. Thanks for the great suggestions.

Dove - posted on 09/17/2016

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I do agree that he might need counseling to cope w/ the situation of WHY he has been living w/ you guys for 2 years... but that's not an excuse for him to be disrespectful and think he can do whatever he wants. He still needs to be held accountable for his actions the same as if you were his biological parents and he had been living w/ you for 16 years w/out any issues.

Dove - posted on 09/17/2016

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Show him what that is like. Does he have a job? Can he afford to pay rent? Buy his own food? Pay for his own clothes or any other needs or all of his wants?

Sarah - posted on 09/17/2016

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What is the law in Canada? In the US, kids cannot just do as they please at 16.

Michelle - posted on 09/17/2016

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He isn't an adult until he is 18 and then he can whatever he wants if he isn't living with anyone else.
I agree with Jodi, strip away everything you provide for him and when he becomes aware of what you actually do then he can earn them back. You only legally have to provide food and shelter, everything else is a bonus. They aren't rights, they are privileges than need to be earned.

ETA: Yes, he has probably been through a lot but that's not an excuse for poor behaviour. I hate when people use their childhood as an excuse for the way their life has turned out. We all make choices and that is what determines our life, not our childhood. We can choose to overcome the setbacks during that time and be a better person.

P - posted on 09/17/2016

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Your grandson has had some trauma in his life since you have guardianship and he is not living with biological parents. I would recommend counseling if he would participate, but at the very least set some stronger boundaries for him with consequences for crossing those boundaries. Let him know that he CAN do as he pleases when he is on his own, but not while he is a member of a family unit. Parenting is tough in the teen years under the best of circumstances, but harder yet when a teen is carrying emotional baggage. I found a good article online about setting boundaries with your teen: http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parentin...

He needs to learn now how to deal with boundaries and consequences, because he will have them on jobs and in society for the rest of his life. Your love for him shows through by the fact you were willing to take on the responsibilities of raising a teen, but now your love can be shown to him even more by teaching him how to become a responsible adult.

Jodi - posted on 09/15/2016

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When he can pay to support his own lifestyle he can do what he wants. Until then, all his wants and needs are paid for by you. Maybe it is time to demonstrate that by stripping away every privilege he has. That includes all the things you DO for him as well as the things you provide for him. Empty out his room except for a mattress and blanket - even remove the lightbulb and give him a torch. Heck, he probably doesn't even need to have a bedroom door - he can find his privacy in the bathroom until he earns the door back. TV off limits. Game machines off limits. Remove the phone. Your house your rules.

Basically, without knowing you or the child, that would be my advice. Strip his privileges from him and cut him back to the bare minimum necessities. He can earn the privileges back.

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