Grandchild

Lorene - posted on 06/20/2016 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My husband and I Took our granddaughter in 5 years ago at age 14. Got her into the local high school where she graduated, paying for everything as well as 7 thousand for the first quarter in a private college where she quit right at the start of the 2nd quarter. She's now in a junior college, free tuition, have been paying for everything including her totaling out my car. She works and goes to school two days a week.
Now, the problem is she does nothing else. I do all the cooking and cleaning and I have to argue with her about her not helping out around the house.
What do I do? I was thinking of telling her if her chores aren't done on a weekly and daily bases and I have to do them then I will charge her room and board.
What do you think? What do I charge? I'm so besides myself and why does everything have to be like pulling teeth.
Tired of raising kids.... Help!

4 Comments

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Mercedes - posted on 06/21/2016

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First of all, thanks to you and your husband for your loving commitment and sacrifice to your granddaughter. It's a very common family situation these days, children and parents alike should consider themselves very blessed to have grandparents that step in to raise then all. I"m sorry for the current issue with your granddaughter. I read a book recently that I highly recommend to you, 'Setting boundaries with young adult children'. It has recommendations for just about every scenario, I trust you find it helpful, is available in eBook form also. Hang in there, I'll be praying for you and your family.

Lorene - posted on 06/21/2016

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Your right about the tough love. Her Father, my son, died from a heart condition at 32 and she was 5 1/2 and her birth mother left when she was 3. My other son and his soon to be wife adopted her and her and the mother never bonded plus my daughter-in-law has been dealing with MS for 16 years so that's why I took the granddaughter in.
When your older and raising a kid for the second time you get soft and tired. I did draw up a contract when she came but at almost 19 you would think I didn't have to do that again.
Thank you for responding and I totally agree with the both of you and I need to get strong and stick with what I know is right. So glad I had two boys because girls are very different to raise. Many Thanks...

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/21/2016

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I would be charging her regardless. She owes you 7 grand as far as I am concerned. But yes, I agree with Michelle. You need to have a house meeting with written up house rules, and what you expect from her. It is time for her to grow up.

Michelle - posted on 06/21/2016

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She's an adult now and anytime you have an adult living with you there should be a contract in place. This should state what you expect of her if she wants to continue to stay.
If she is working she should be paying board. It doesn't have to be a lot and you can put it aside to help her when she does move out. You need to teach her to budget and paying board helps her to learn.
Are her parents helping you out in any way? If not, why?
I would not be allowing her to drive my car, she can save up and buy herself one, then she will know how hard it is to work for things.
Sounds like you need to have some tough love in your house.

ETA: In regards of what to charge for board, my parents charged my 20% of what I was earning.

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