Grandma Here And Then Gone...What Do I Tell My Kids?

Jenny - posted on 02/01/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )




I have two boys ages 5 & 7. Until a few months ago "Grammy" was very much a part of their lives. Every other weekend she would take them overnight from Fri. to Sun. She and I had a huge falling out about something unrelated and she continued taking the boys (I wasn't going to involve them). But after a few times of taking them she consistently talked bad about me in front of them to her friends, and would tell them not to tell me stuff. Example: My youngest said "Grammy told me not to tell you she forgot my car seat when we went to the movies. She said that if I told you she would get in trouble and you wouldn't let her see us anymore."
Thankfully nothing happened to him, and we all make mistakes. It's the fact that she is telling my kids to keep secrets from me and bad mouthing me to anyone who will listen.
That being said, I told her they couldn't go overnight anymore, but she could take them places. My thought process is that if they are on an outing to the zoo (as an example) she will be too busy to be talking on the phone to friends, or to the kids about anything other than what's happening at the zoo! I also invited her for the holidays, told her to put aside her own anger, lets get along for the kids. She wouldn't come.
Now she won't see them. She doesn't call them, didn't show up for the Holidays, and has totally cut them out of her life.
They miss her. I told her I will meet her at the parks, she can take them for the whole day, she can come for all the holidays. She won't. Not even a phone call.
I should also add that she is 71 years old. A very young 71, but still, I could tell she was exhausted after the weekends.
What can I say to the boys???


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Jodi - posted on 02/01/2014




"Grammy told me not to tell you she forgot my car seat when we went to the movies. She said that if I told you she would get in trouble and you wouldn't let her see us anymore."

Well, you proved her right. You also demonstrated to your kids that they can't tell you anything because they are the ones who have been punished here for telling you the truth. Can you see how they were honest with you about what goes on, and yet they are suffering the consequences of that? That is more likely to encourage them to not tell you in the future.

I don't see this statement as "bad-mouthing" you. I can see it as an innocent comment, a quip, a throw away comment that was just an acknowledgement that grandma had done the wrong thing, but oops, we'll live with it.

It sounds like grandma is very hurt that she has been told she can't have them overnight any more. If the above is the only example, and all other examples are similar, I think you are over-reacting.

How long has it been since she has seen the boys? Maybe she will come around and you won't have to explain to them anything other than that Grammy needed a break for a little while. Can you not call her and let her know the boys really miss her and you would love if she could spend some time with them.

Nicole Me - posted on 02/01/2014




this is very thought i would try talk to grandma first tell her your feeling on this matter and found out how she feels and deal with it.

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