Grandma is babysitter...need advice.

[deleted account] ( 21 moms have responded )

My mom watches my 2yr old, Norah, 3 days a week while I work. She feeds Norah what she wants and always has no matter how I have worded how important it is to me for Norah to have a healthy diet. Food spoils and is sometimes wasted because it is not used. Am I being too particular when I prefer Norah to have a grilled cheese on wheat with organic cheese rather than white bread and processed american? I write a meal list for the 3 days but she still does not follow it. It makes me seem unappreciative or ungrateful which is far from the truth. Any advice?

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Diana - posted on 09/14/2016

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I don't let my kids eat at my grandma's house because she has very old expired food and makes them eat it if she serves it to them. Once when my daughter and niece spent the night at her house, she served cereal with chunky milk. They waited until she left the room and dumped it out. It's not safe. She leaves food out, including meat, overnight out of the fridge and serves it to people! It's a wonder she hasn't died of food poison or killed someone. Many people, including myself and my kids, have told her that it's not safe to eat old food, but she still does it. She's a little nutty, I guess. I am very particular with what my kids eat as well. No GMO, not food additives or chemicals or artificial crap. It's just poison. But if I had to choose between that and the old food, I'd choose that over the old food.

Dove - posted on 09/14/2016

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If she will not listen and respect your wishes your options are to just let it go... or find alternate care for your child w/ someone that will feed your child as you want them to. Exactly as you were told in the first response.

While, yes, it would be great for your mother to respect your wishes when it comes to feeding your child... you don't actually have the power or ability to control what she does... all you have the power to control is your reaction to it.

Sarah - posted on 09/14/2016

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My advise is you are being too picky or particular as you state it. If you want her to have a certain thing a certain way provide a sack lunch for her. This is also what a day care center would require. A center would not make a special meal for your child. They take down allergies and will not serve your child something he or she is allergic to, but they have their own meal plan that is state regulated. They only provide the meal that is on that plan for the kids. If a parent wants their child to eat something different the parent must provide that for the child in a sack lunch.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/16/2016

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We didn't tell her that she was completely right, and of course, we don't know "anything" LOL...just because we have all been there and done it already...

Ev - posted on 09/15/2016

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}}Ev, your selection of the word "most" throughout your reply is appropriate to the truth. You are unable to speak for all child care centers and the state that I live in. You are stating opinions and not actual facts. I have put my daughter in daycare before and was able to bring food for her. Maybe I got lucky in the center I found but that is for my benefit and for you to realize exists. I provide as much organic as I think suitable from local farms and farmers. I am lucky to have access to that and current knowledge of food, hence why I have made such decisions for my daughter. And I think Diana was just sharing her experience, not saying my mother feeds old food too. Reread her message if you are confused. Thank you. {{
-----I never said I spoke for all child care centers in all states. But I am willing to bet that most in each state does not allow outside food brought in for various reasons. Where I worked it was with special needs children. Outside foods for meals etc, was not allowed brought in to the center because I worked with a lot of special needs children and food allergies were high. Peanut butter and peanut products were not allowed at all. If a child had a specific food allergy the center could usually substittute something in its place. But unless the child's needs were medical specific--no outside food allowed. Also I am very well versed in this because I worked in about 4 centers, worked with kids in church, and other places for over half of my life plus raising two. I was never confused and old food has no meaning here...it was just her experiences. And organic foods are more expensive than others so it is harder for people to afford to buy it...might be why your mother does not. What is the difference between organic bananas and non-organic ones....do you know for a fact that your organic banana is really that? That is not a locally grown food unless you live in Hawaii.

Jodi - posted on 09/15/2016

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Ultimately, the bottom line is this - if you want to be this particular about your child's diet and upbringing, you need to stay home with her and do it yourself. You don't pay your mother, so you kind of need to be more respectful about what is convenient for her. I am assuming you don't pack the food for your child already prepared and ready to go. If you want to be so picky, maybe you need to do this if you are not already doing it (and I'm assuming you would have mentioned this in all these posts if you were already doing it. Having your child watched by your mother for free is a privilege not a right. If you don't like how she does it, maybe find someone else or do it yourself.

Dove - posted on 09/14/2016

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Organic is nothing more than a label. My ex and I used to run an all natural egg farm. The ONLY reason we were not certified as organic is because we didn't have several thousand dollars to pay for the labeling... everything else was equal in quality, so... I put no faith in the organic labeling process.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/14/2016

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OK, now you are nitpicking. You said mom watches her 3 days. When my kids were either in home care or a center, I fed them breakfast before dropping them off, which is where I got six.

If you can't handle blunt, you will spend way too much time stressing out. You didn't bother to read beyond the first line, did you?

By the way, Beth, my kids are adults, so my experience and advice is more than valid.

As far as organic? It is only as good as the honesty of the people selling it. Since I run a local farmer's market, I can attest to how vague that definition really is.

Your nitpicking doesn't change the validity of the response. I do find it amusing though. Have fun raising your daughter. Take time to enjoy her and try not to fight the wrong battles.

[deleted account]

Ev, your selection of the word "most" throughout your reply is appropriate to the truth. You are unable to speak for all child care centers and the state that I live in. You are stating opinions and not actual facts. I have put my daughter in daycare before and was able to bring food for her. Maybe I got lucky in the center I found but that is for my benefit and for you to realize exists. I provide as much organic as I think suitable from local farms and farmers. I am lucky to have access to that and current knowledge of food, hence why I have made such decisions for my daughter. And I think Diana was just sharing her experience, not saying my mother feeds old food too. Reread her message if you are confused. Thank you.
Shawnn, you want me to respect your message here but begin your reply by saying Oh my god Chill out? You seem to be more concerned with getting your thoughts across than anything else. Choosing organic is not over the top; it is widely available where I live. If I had the finances to provide everything organic I would but I do not have a large enough wallet for that, so I do what makes me feel good. If I could afford daycare I would do that as well, so right now I do what I can. Your math is incorrect by the way. My daughter eats 3x a day for 3 days with my mother, that equals 9.
Thank you Diana, Dove, and Sarah for your appropriate, level headed comments.

Ev - posted on 09/14/2016

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Diana--
It does not mean that this grandmother is feeding this child old food or anything so far out there like that. But you can not sit and tell me that because it is labeled organic or whatever that is what it is. Nothing is totally organic in nature. This world is so fused with so many chemicals from wars, industry, and so forth that it still gets into the food that is grown whether you want to believe it or not. I would only go organic if it was in my area and not shipped to a store labeled as such.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/14/2016

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Oh my god! Chill out!

You are a first time mom. You are understandably tense about how others interact with, and treat your child.

First, I did not imply that you were complaining HERE. HERE, you are venting, and since you are on a public, international site, you will get all kinds of responses.

Second, as I said, you are getting a HUGE advantage in free childcare. You have stated your desires to your mother, but you ultimately cannot control how she handles your daughter. It would be the same if you and her father were co parenting, and you didn't agree with what he was feeding during his visitation. You can't control it. You can, as I also said, have a conversation with your mom, put your foot down, and force the issue. It may not be pretty, and you may end up hurting more than you're helping in the long run.

In my opinion, you are making a Mountain out of a molehill. If your mom was endangering your daughter, it would be reasonable to demand she do something different. (If she refused to use a car seat, for example, that would be grounds for a demand, or even an ultimatum, which I did have to do when mine were babies) but 3 to 6 meals a week, in the grand scheme of things, is not endangering anything.

Third, you asked for advice, and I offered some. You really do only have two options at this point: Put your foot down and demand that your mother use the food you provide, or pony up and pay for a care center. I will point out that, without a medical necessity for a special diet, the center will feed her whatever is on their menu, regardless of it is organic, or not.

I'm not saying this to be mean. This is the reality of being a parent. I know, I have been there. Have you seen the commercial for (I think it's) luvs diapers? The one where they show "the first kid" and a mom with the (normal) almost over the top actions like wanting their babysitter to have a PhD, or hyper sterilizing everything, and then they flash to "the second kid" where mom meets the sitter at the door and hands off the baby, while giving directions, ending with 'he likes to pull on jewelry so you may want to lose the nose ring' as she leaves? It really is a pretty accurate depiction.

I was that mom. With my first I was over the top. By my second, I had matured, and was less stressed. One thing I learned: pick your battles. You can make a huge deal out of something, possibly resulting in injured feelings and emotional distress, along with unintended consequences, or you can relax on some things (NEVER on safety issues!), and let it ride.

It's easier for me to say on this end of it than it was for me to learn it 22years ago, but I promise, it works.

What you have to decide is this: are those 6 meals a week (out of 21 meals in all) worth the possible outcome?

Oh, and as far as the "turned out fine" remark, you survived childhood, you are a parent, and you are pursuing your interests, are you not? So, yes, you did turn out fine. If you construed it as presumptive, well...I can't help your perception of the typed word. I may not have agreed with some of how I was raised, but in the end, I turned out fine as well.

Ev - posted on 09/14/2016

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>>Regarding child care centers, they will respectively feed a child whatever the parent requests/brings, so do a little research before making assumptions and giving your opinion. >>

I quoted this portion of your post, Beth, because I have worked in child care centers and I hate to be the one to bring it to your attention but most of them have guidelines they have to adhere to from the state they are located or the area they are located in about what they can offer and not offer the children to eat at meals/snacks. Most do not allow you to bring in outside food unless the child has major food allergies or special diet restrictions. Most participate in the Food Programs run by the USDA and have also adhere to their specifics in order to get the money back for being in the program for the food they serve. No child care center is just going to let all the kids bring whatever they want or you would have parents bringing in a lot of fast food stuff and making other kids go crazy because they do not have the same things. A child care center is not going to always offer organic foods to your child. They get what is affordable for the school to the extent they can serve the kids. But that does not mean you can provide a full meal and snacks for just your child unless she has medical reason for it.

[deleted account]

Did not realize I was complaining, just simply offered some facts and asked for advice, as stated in the topic. Watching my daughter for free does not give anyone the right to overturn the decisions I make. It is now my turn to raise a child regardless of what my mom did raising me. I understand a few meals may not make a huge difference to my daughter physically, but it is what I WISH to provide for her. To say I turmed out fine without even knowing me is very naive and subjective of you. This community is to provide advice, not for people like you to just see other people's dilemmas and preferences as complaints. Regarding child care centers, they will respectively feed a child whatever the parent requests/brings, so do a little research before making assumptions and giving your opinion. Thank you for taking the time to respond but I did not find it helpful, as you stated "those are your options" with only three choices.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/13/2016

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Is she watching the child for free?

If so, your options are to quit complaining and understand that 3 to 6 meals is not going to make a huge difference, of pay a care center to watch your kid. A care center will also have their own menu, etc, so you may still not be pleased with food offerings.

If you are paying your mother, then put your foot down, and tell her to follow your directions. It won't be easy for you, and could get unpleasant, but those are your options.

I may point out that she likely fed you the same foods,and you turned out fine...

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