Grandma visits

Marlene - posted on 03/16/2015 ( 15 moms have responded )

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Moved to VA from CA 2 years ago to be close to daughter and granddaughter. She will be 4 in october. I think it's normal to want to watch granddaughter at my house once in awhile. Never have as my daughter feels I should ONLY watch her at their house when they go away or for a few hours while they run errands. I have invited my daughter numerous times to come do an outing with granddaughter and me but that's never happened yet. I think it's normal to want a visit every month or two. Am I wrong?

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Marlene - posted on 03/18/2015

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Yes Raye. I do believe my daughter has a need to control everything. I need to not take it personally. I love my daughter so very much and my granddaughter is so special. I hope someday things will get better.

Raye - posted on 03/18/2015

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Then it probably is just that your daughter is a bit controlling. She doesn't want to think that anyone else could be as attentive to her baby as she is, and you maybe threaten that opinion of herself. All you can do is try, but it's up to your daughter to decide to give up that control and realize that her baby is going to be fine in someone else's care.

Marlene - posted on 03/18/2015

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No. My daughter Said once that she feels completely safe when I watch the baby as nobody watches her as closely as I do. That made me feel good.

Trisha - posted on 03/18/2015

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Is there anyone else at the home that your daughter might not be comfortable with your granddaughter being around?

Marlene - posted on 03/18/2015

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I think my daughter has a problem with my granddaughter being close to anyone but her and her husband. I have watched her for 3 days while daughter went away for work (always at HER home) and we had so much fun. I always post pics for mommy and videos. My daughter can't believe how good the baby is for me.

Marlene - posted on 03/18/2015

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My daughter lives close to Washington DC. It is very expensive there. Where I moved is very affordable for a retired lady.

Chana - posted on 03/18/2015

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I agree with Raye, I don't think 45 minutes is that big of a deal. We live in the country and I wouldn't trade it for the world but we have to drive 45 minutes to an hour to get to a decent grocery store, Wal-Mart or a mall. Before a became a stay at home mom I drove 45 minutes to work one way 5 days a week and my husband drives an hour, in good weather, one way to work 5 or 6 days a week. I would gladly give up one day with my friends for my girls to spend it with grandma. I think your daughter is robbing her daughter of a wonderful relationship with her grandma.

Raye - posted on 03/18/2015

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If you moved all the way across the country to be close to your daughter, why are you still 45 minutes away? I don't think 45 minutes is that big of a deal. I used to drive 35 minutes (one way) to this really good ice cream shop at least 2-3 times every summer. I have driven 4-1/2 hours to, and 4-1/2 hours back, on a day trip to visit family. Your daughter sounds like she's making excuses on why she doesn't want to make the trip. If she seriously doesn't want to miss going out with friends to make the drive just once a month, then she sounds pretty immature and selfish.

Marlene - posted on 03/16/2015

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You are sweet. I told my daughter this morning I would happily buy the very best car seat, drive to pick her up and drive to take her home. I don't care about the drive. I have a beautiful home and have made a lovely room for my granddaughter. Bless you and I am glad you have a good mother in law. A child can't have too much love.

Chana - posted on 03/16/2015

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Marlene, sorry I didn't mean to make you tear up. My mom was the kind of grandma you want to be so this just hits a little close to my heart. Maybe you could talk to your daughter about how you feel and what you would like to do. If it is a 45 minute drive would it be possible for you to meet in the middle. Your daughter might agree to maybe one outing a month that can be schedule so she can make arrangements with her friends. I don't know I am just offering suggestions because I hate the thought of a little girl missing out on grandma time and the thought of a sad grandma.

Marlene - posted on 03/16/2015

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Chana, your response made me tear up. So sorry you lost your mom. My mom wasn't very loving or attentive so maybe that's why I go overboard. I love my daughter and granddaughter SO SO much. I would never just pop over or be demanding but just hoping my daughter would appreciate all I have done And my willingness to be the best grandma ever.

Chana - posted on 03/16/2015

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This makes me sad because my mom passed away before my daughters were born and I would give anything for my daughters and I to have the relationship with grandma(my mom) that you want with yours. I have a great mother-in-law who is a wonderful grandma but it is not they same.

Marlene - posted on 03/16/2015

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My daughter wanted me to move here. She wanted a support group. Our plan was that I would go to her house once a month and she and her hubby would come with the baby to my house once a month. I am 45 min away. I have kept up my part but they come here maybe once every 3 months. She told me once that she's sorry but she doesn't want to give up seeing her friends in order to come visit me.

Petra - posted on 03/16/2015

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Hi Marlene
I not sure why your daughter feels like that. Is your home not kid safe/friendly?
I do understand you wanting your Daughter and your Granddaughter to visit your home. Did your Daughter want you to move close to them? and do you have a good relationship with your Daughter? I would ask here about not having outings, with the three of you.

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