Mandy - posted on 02/21/2011 ( 8 moms have responded )
My daughter who turned 2 in December of last year has always seemed to me like she favors her grandmother [my mother] over me. My mother has been around ever since my daughter was born and has always helped out a great deal with her which i've always appreciated, but sometimes I feel left out and feel like my own daughter doesn't even want me. I try so hard, spend as much time with her as I can, and am always doing everything I possibly can for her, but I just feel like it's never enough. Her grandmother and her uncle are ALWAYS taking her places and doing things with her which my husband and I do as often as we can too, but I still feel like my daughter would rather be with her grandmother than with me. I'm currently a stay-at-home mom but my husband works and I don't drive [so therefore can only really take her places when he can drive us], but my mother currently doesn't work and my brother only works a few hours a week so of course they have more time available to always be taking my daughter places. We all live together now because we recently moved from Pennsylvania to Florida and so far don't really have the money to move out on our own. My daughter is constantly asking for "gabba" [thats what she calls my mom]. Yes, she does also say "mama" and sometimes want me and come to me, but I just feel like its more often my mom that she wants. When my husband and I take her places and do things with her she never really asks for "gabba", but as soon as we come back home it's usually right back to the same. I've tried mentioning this to my mom before but she took it all entirely the wrong way and made it seem like I was telling her to stay away from my daughter [which of course i would NEVER do that] and of course I just let the issue go because I never wanted to bring it up again after that. at least 70% of the time when my daughter gets hurt or is upset or anything like that she will want her grandmother to hold her. I honestly don't feel that I've ever really done anything wrong as a mother and i've always done everything I could for my daughter. I don't know if this is something that will pass or if it's just going to get worse. Honestly a lot of the times when my mom and brother take my daughter places [when I am actually invited] I don't feel like going because I know I will just feel hurt because my daughter probably won't pay attention to me. I know kids do often want to spend time with their grandparents because they spoil them and won't discipline them for anything [of course they would want to spend more time around someone who won't ever yell at them no matter what they do].When my mother isn't around my daughter will want me [aside from maybe occasionally asking for her], but as soon as she walks in the door i just feel like i'm forgotten. Apparently when my daughter is with her grandmother and uncle she does mention me and ask about me, but I seriously doubt it's as often as she asks for her grandmother. I know the fact that we all live together doesnt exactly help, but right now there's not a whole lot I can do about that. I don't know if there is anyone else out there who has gone through something similar to this, I doubt it, but it would be nice if there was. I've always felt like I'm a great mother and I give my daughter everthing I possibly can, but I just feel like I cant ever mention this without it causing problems. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, I just want someone to understand how this feels for me. This is my mother's first grandchild and I understand that, but I also don't think I should feel like i'm always pushed out of the picture. If you're going to judge me and say that i'm awful and that I must not be a good mother or anything like that, please don't comment, I really don't need negativity. Thanks to those of you who can give me some advice.