Grandparents dont have rights
MOST HELPFUL POSTS
Evelyn - posted on 12/13/2009
Amen Peggy!! I am in a very similar situation. My grandson is 6 years old and lived in my home for most all of his first 3 years of life. So he and I have a very strong bond which I think she is jealous of. My son and his mother never married, but they did live together off and on as SHE seen fit, and my son did get a lawyer and they have joint custody. Through this time I was always good enough when his mother wanted her freedom to run the streets. She is now married and moved my grandson out of state against court order and has gotten away with it!! Every time I call no one will answer the phone and she will NOT return calls. I send e-mails and they never get answered. So I have to wait until my son gets his limited time with him in order to see or talk to him. I treasure every second I have with that precious little boy!! BUT now, she is mad at me over an incident that her and a friend of hers were involved in (because I told the friend that I was upset with her as the reason that I didn't speak to her at my grandson's birthday party (most people including my grandson were not even there)), and now I am the bad guy once again. She was threatening to put a restraining order against me, and said that I had slandered her on Facebook (even though her name was NEVER mentioned, unlike her mentioning mine on her page!!) she was threatening to press charges against me......what the hell?? Now I am NOT allowed to see him at all. Talk about using a child as a pawn!!! But yet again "I" am the one accused of doing that. I recently found out that grandparents have very little rights, BUT as long as one of the parents (my son) thinks I am fit to be around the child then that is that parents wish and the other parent can not do anythng about it. I also found out that if she files a restraining order agaist me it will be HER burden to prove to a court of law that I am indeed unfit. Since she is the one that does not send his medicines with him when he comes back to be with my son (he is ADHD), (she never sent clothing, diapers, coats, shoes anything when he come back to the state of Illinois) part of me hopes she will take this to court!! I am SICK TO DEATH of her attitude, I am SICK TO DEATH of the way she treats everyone where that little boy is concerned and I am extremely SICK TO DEATH of her using him as a pawn to get to us!!
So to all the grandparents out there....Just remember that one day the child will be old enough to know the truth. I keep everything that his mother has written to me, and posted on facebook. I figure it will be a nice little journal showing just how devious his mother is. My grandson knows how much he is loved by his fathers side of the family, and even all the brain washing she tries to do to him is erased in the first few hours that he is back with us. He wants to live with his daddy and someday he will be able to choose. And I for one CAN NOT wait for that day to get here!!
Peggy - posted on 12/13/2009
You are quite right when you say grandparents don't have rights. Our children can use our grandchildren as pawns, the moment they do not get their own way they keep our grandchildren away from us and even refuse to let us speak to them. In my situation my granddaughter and I a very close and I think my daughter feels threated by our close relationship. My granddaughter will be turning 7 next year and her mom tell her she can only see me again when she is 21yrs old. When I try phoning my granddaughter, her mother and boyfriend don't answer their cell phones. The only time I'm able to talk to her is when she is visiting my ex-son-inlaw. I feel there should be a law that allows us to have visitaton rights as there is a law requiring grandparents to pay maintenance when the parents are unable to do so.
Vera - posted on 09/22/2011
Thanks to all the grandparents that have commented on their struggles and suffering from not being able to be with their grandchildren. I am a grandma and I love and adore my grandson and I also have to always fight to see him. We also think, one day he will grow up and he will be able to make up his own mind about us ( me and my husband that is ) and will be able to tell him and show him how much we love him. But we may not be around long enough in this world, so we just pray that by some miracle something special will happen. It has been the hardest thing in my entire life to deal with. My husband and I have a very special bond with him, even if we don’t see him as much as we would like to and we feel sorry for him as well as he just loves being with us, not that he doesn’t love his parents but he loves his time with us dearly and we make our time with him extra special when we are together. We just never know , what will trigger something of and we don’t get to see him or when will be the next time we see him.
Peggy - posted on 12/14/2009
Hi Evelyn, I thought I was the only one going through this heartache, it really makes me feel so much better and I suppose there must be a lot of grandparents going through the same thing. The only rights we want is to have access to our grandchildren whether it is by phoneing them or having them come and spend time with us. I'm not asking to raise my grandchildren, I had four daughters of my own which I raised to be beautiful
worman, all I ask is for them to be part of my life and I'm sure you will agree with me our grandchildren are very special and they have a place in our hearts that not even our own children will ever be able to occupy.
It is as you say one day they will be old enough to make their own decisions and who will be the loser then?
So for now I'll have to carry on missing her smile, her laughter and all the funny things she gets up to and most of all her love.
Edith - posted on 12/13/2009
I don't know what rights you want. As a grandmother of 14, the only right I believe in is spoiling them and then sending them home to their parents. Yes, we are always watchful of how our grandchildren are being raised, but I remember that I too had watchful eyes at my back when raising my own children. I always wondered if my children learned anything from me until I hear them repeating some of my advice to my grandchildren. As grandparents we have to believe that we taught our children the best things and hope they learned enough to raise theirs. If your problem is not being able to visit with your grandchildren as often as you want then try to make the best of the little time you do get and never make comments about their parents or ask them about their parents lifestyle, remember children don't know what they can or cannot say about their parents or grandparents. They should not be put in a position to choose.
This conversation has been closed to further comments
Amanda - posted on 12/15/2009
I know there are time when I wish my kids didn't get to see either set of grandparents at times, they try to interfear with our parenting. Try to pit the kids against us as their mom and dad! When a grandparent complains of not getting any rights it useally means they HAVE OVERSTEPPED the boundries! Butt out of the little things and MAYBE you can be a big part of the big things!! Do you not "trust" that you have raised your own child to do the right thing? If you think you need to meddle in the those stupid little daily details, then you must not "trust" your own skills in raising your child! and if that's the case then why do you think you are so much more capable then the childs own parent??? Back off and let your Son/Daughter raise their OWN CHILDREN!!! If you are a good non-meddleing Granny, then you will get to be a part! But making comments that you "think you have a better bond with your granddaughter then her own mother has with her" then you ARE OVERSTEPPING ALOT! That woman gave BIRTH to that girl and there is no greater bond, I MEAN IT! How did you feel when you were young and raising your children and your parents or in-laws overstepped??????? DO UNTO OTHER AS YOU WOULD HAVE DONE UNTO YOU!!! If you didn't let to be messed with then don't mess with others! Trying to take a child mental/physical/emotional from thier own flesh and blood parent for anything other then HONEST TO GOD ABUSE! (and I mean honest to God, like the mom/dad cut/stabbed/shook/cooked/burned their child on purpose!) Is nothing less then sick, twisted, incestal issue!!! Get over yourself and leave before you do damage to that poor grandchild! by your sick crazy scamming!
Chelsea - posted on 12/14/2009
As much as I love my parents, it would SUCK if they had visitation rights. That would mean my husband and I would have to have permission to move, and that they would have a say in how we raise our children.
I don't agree with a lot of the methods they used to raise me and my siblings.
Katherine - posted on 12/13/2009
I would have to agree with alot of these posts..it depends on what rights you are wanting..you are the grandparent, you raised your kids, if you don't have to raise your grandkids then good for you. If your kids just don't like you then you need to work on that relationship so they will bring their kids around you. I hope you figure it out. My mom says grandkids are better than kids because they can go home.
Angie - posted on 12/12/2009
Susie, while you seem like a loving grandmother, not all granparents are good grandparents. As long as you have a good relationship with your children and your children have a good relationship with their children, there shouldn't be a problem. I think parents should have the final say on who has contact with their children. It's very important for parents to have healthy relationships with their children so that when grandchildren come along, they can have a relationship with their grandchildren.
Amanda - posted on 12/12/2009
With all do respect to everyone, there are different situations in every life. I am in the unfortunate situation where my husband and i separated and went our separate ways. He became a substance abuser and cheated on me. When he was around he didn't give my child any support or acknowledge her when she was in the same room. After our split, his mother and step father became convinced that THEY should get custody of my child although her home life with me was good and they got to spend regular time with her. My argument for them was that they had their chance in raising a child, obviously they didn't do so well. Not to say at all that this is the case in every situation. So i guess the laws are out there to protect people like me who are taking care of their children but have opposing parties trying to make up for children "lost." He has very little contact with his own family but even after the nasty custody issues and their seemingly dishonest intents towards me and my child i still let my daughter spend a day a week with them because she cares for them. In the state of VA, any one with an interest in the child can file for visitation. So to those of you who have honest and good intentions, try to see it from all views. It may not always be how it seems.
You are so right Lynn. I raised my children with the help of my husband(now deceased) and I have helped with my grandchildren, the oldest being almost 19 and the youngest 6. My children would not dream of taking away any rights that I have beacuse they know what effect it would have on their children.
Lynn - posted on 12/12/2009
As a grandparent myself, I too believe that we should have rights. I don't know what Susie is referring to or what issues she thinks should be addressed but I know that there are a lot of grandparents out there with serious problems concerning their grandkids. I did a research project as a part of my masters' studies 2 years ago and had the opportunity to speak to grandparents from Texas, Alabama, No. Carolina, Massachusetts and other states as well as parts of Canada. They were all raising grandchildren and knew the problems of not having the rights that even foster parents have. With due respect, Sherrie, we sometimes don't have the options to "keep in touch" with our children or "Get a good lawyer". And as far as letting the child be adopted out, it would tear our hearts out. Some grandparents are raising their grandchildren because their own children are severely abusing drugs or are in jail. Yet their children will not give them official custody of the grandchildren which means that the grandparents cannot recieve any sort of compensation. I talked to grandmothers that are doing without their own medication and eating one meal a day so that they can feed and clothe their grandchildren. And when it comes to "turning in" your children, Sherrie, that is an extremely hard decision to make. It's as if you have to choose between your children and your grandchildren. And there is no guarantee that you won't lose both of them in the process. An impossible decision for a grandparent to be put in. I know, I'm in that position now. And unless you have been put in the position, you have no point of reference and should be careful of giving advice.
Sherrie - posted on 12/11/2009
Susie. You raised your Child. If you keep in touch with her or him you will always have rights. Rights to turn them in when you think something is not right for your grand child. When you do this they will become a word of the state. Get a good lawyer. Or let the child be adopted out. You can stay involved and still be the grandma you want to be. Grandparents were never meant to raise childern, they already did their job. Be comfy with it, and your grandchildren with be o.k. with it too!!
Betsy - posted on 12/11/2009
The WA state laws giving grandparents rights was overturned by Troxel v Granville. They were deemed unconstitutional as it was too vague and interfered with the parents rights to make decisions for their children. As of now, it is felt that the parents should have decision-making power to who has contact with their children. That won't be changed unless a statute deemed constitutionally sound is passed through your state legislature, where the rights of the parents aren't infringed on.
Leanne - posted on 12/11/2009
Rights as in the grandparent raising another family members child, or in another sense?
My grandmother raised me since I was two years old.. Even here in Canada we have some issues with rights and child support problems from the government for grandparents (or other family members, Aunties etc..) who are raising a child from another family member.
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