Grandparents won't come to child's bday party because my mom is there.

Crystal - posted on 07/23/2013 ( 12 moms have responded )




My dad and stepmom said they are not coming to my child’s 1st bday party or for that matter any other events for my kids, my sister’s kids and my brother’s kids as long as my mother is there. However, they plan on going to my step-sister’s kid’s bday parties and all other events she has. They said they still want to see our kids, but would prefer 1 on 1 time with them and us on a different weekend. Our whole life, me, by brother and my sister have received unfair treatment from my dad and stepmom because my parents can’t get along. We have gone several years without having a relationship due to their indifferences and have recently called amends. I thought this crap was all behind us, but now they are bringing it up again. My dad said that my mom and stepdad don’t speak to them enough at the events and they feel offended. Surprise to me! I didn’t think they even wanted to speak to them, so I think it is just an excuse to get out the awkward situation. Should I feel jaded and upset that they are now giving my kids the shaft? I feel like once again, they are playing favorites. Should I tell them how I feel or just suck it up?


Teresa Ann - posted on 07/24/2013




Hey Crystal....I know how you feel my folks have issues with this also & I just had to decide that they are the ones missing out truly...I agree with the grown up stuff this is about the children not about the grandparents acting like children. I am no longer upset but a relationship is a 2 way street and if they choose not to do their part you have no control over them. Be the best Mom you can be and teach yours that family is about loving & accepting each other even if there are differences.

Many blessings ;-)

Teresa Ann Duran

Chet - posted on 07/24/2013




Your dad and stepmom are being quite mature and reasonable. They were honest about what they could handle, and they clearly told you this is not about your children. They want to have a relationship with your kids! They want to spend one on one time with them - which honestly, is a much better way to connect with young children than at chaotic family gatherings or big events. You should be thankful for the approach your dad and stepmom have taken here. They didn't insist you not invite your mom so they could go to the party. They didn't insist you throw two parties. They didn't come to the party and make things super tense and awkward. They didn't ask you to do anything other than allow them to see your children at times other than big family events.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/23/2013




Ok, is it that hard to have separate occasions? I mean, from the kid's point of view, that means that birthdays/christmas, etc happen 2 and maybe 3 times! How cool is that?

Plus, you keep the drama out of the event that should be focused on the kids.

Have a "mom/stepdad" celebration, and then a "dad/stepmom" one!

I think that you're holding your grudge against your parents a little long, if you ask me. Yeah, I missed out on 10 years of a relationship with my father because of issues between him and my mom. I realized that if I wanted my parents to know their grandkids, it was up to me to facilitate that for them. So, we saw my mom at different times than my dad. Some years my kids had 3 birthdays, sometimes 4!

You can tell them how you feel, but they'll probably see it as sour grapes. If you really, truly want a relationship between both of your parents and your kids, you'll need to make some changes to your routines and plans. Because honestly, I think the statement "We still want to see your kids, but would prefer it to be 1 on 1 time on a separate weekend"...Is a pretty darned great sentiment. They want to spend time with your kids.

Zule - posted on 07/24/2013




I would defenitely tell them how I feel..that being said...if they ate not comfortable being in the same place...they have their reasons. I would be upset if they didn't want to have a relationship with my kids. The important thing is that they want a reationship, but on their own time to avoi

Chet - posted on 07/24/2013




You're clearly carrying a lot of emotional baggage, and taking this way too personally. The fact of the matter is, first birthday parties tend to be a lot of adults eating, chatting and catching up. The bit where the baby smashes the cake while everyone takes pictures is cute, but the event is essentially a bunch of grown-ups socializing with each other... and your dad and stepmom don't feel able do that with your mom.


View replies by

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/24/2013




I certainly would not throw 2 parties, one for them and one for the rest of the family that can actually behave like adults. They want separate time, let them foot the bill.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/24/2013




Well there assholes. But at the same time, it is better not to have this bs at a family party. If they don't want to be there, fine. It is there problem. But at least the parties will go smoothly without any uncomfortable vibes and feelings. Everyone would probably be more comfortable and relaxed. Don't stress about it. See it as a blessing that they don't want to be there, in turn the party won't be ruined by their presence.

Michelle - posted on 07/23/2013




It's amazing that the adults can't grow up enough and see their own grandchildren. IMO they are acting like toddlers having a tantrum but they are the ones missing out.
My parents split when I was young and my Mum's 3rd husband wouldn't be in the same room as my Dad. I told him that it's his choice but I wasn't pandering to his pouting. If he wanted to celebrate with us then he could but most of the time he chose not to. His reason was that everytime my parents spoke he thought they were having an affair. It wasn't true but he's the one who missed out.

Amy - posted on 07/23/2013




I would give them access to the kids on another weekend, but if they want to celebrate then they can supply the cake and food for the party. It's unfortunate that the adults can't put this past them for the sake of the kids so you can honor their request or they can lose out.

Jodi - posted on 07/23/2013




You know what you can do? Look at it from a different perspective rather than being hurt that they are playing favourites. Consider that THEY are the ones missing out and it will be their loss.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms