grandson

Lynn - posted on 07/29/2015 ( 5 moms have responded )

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hi my grandson was stillborn 3 years ago I August. He now has a little brother who was born in December and I've had an idea of buying my grandson a gift on what would be his brothers birthday and make it a kind of tradition. has anyone got any ideas on what I could buy him. thanx

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/29/2015

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I'm confused. If the first child was still living, you wouldn't be giving his brother a gift on his (first child's) birthday, so why would you now?
If you want to remember the first child's birthday, perhaps plant a tree, or something similar that you can see grow, year after year. Plant it on the anniversary of the birth, with a little ceremony as a memorial.
I wouldn't be purchasing gifts for the other grandchild in lieu of his deceased brother. That could encourage you and others to continue to project the other child onto the living child. The living child needs his own identity.
I think it is beautiful that you want to memorialize your first grandson, I just don't think purchasing gifts for your second grandson on the first's birthday is the way to go about it.
A friend of mine had a stillbirth for her first child. Two years later, she had her first live birth. They remember the birthdate for the first child with a small remembrance ceremony, but they've never felt inclined to give the 'second' (or any subsequent) child a gift on the 'first' child's birthday.

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Sarah - posted on 07/29/2015

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Your grandson did not know his brother, so is this more to acknowledge the birth of your first grandson for yourself or his parents? It will be confusing for a number of years for your living grandson. Why am I getting a present on my brother's birthday?
Maybe there is a way to commemorate the date without it involving gifts or even your grandson. At least until he understands.

Lynn - posted on 07/29/2015

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Yea this is why I can't have a party or celebrate as it's not up to me. I just wanted someway to remember him and his mam thought it was a nice idea for me to buy a gift but it's what to buy.?.

Michelle - posted on 07/29/2015

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Have you discussed this with the parents first? They may have others ideas on how they want to remember.

Beatrice - posted on 07/29/2015

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Hi. If its to be a tradition you can celebrate as a normal birthday as you would have done if he is alive; make sure your grandson understands what is happening.

Beatrice
Nairobi

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