Grief Four Years After the Loss Of My Son

Dana - posted on 01/02/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I am so happy to join this community. I lost my sweet boy May 2nd 2010 at 13-years-old. At that time it felt as though there were a gapping hole in my body and all hope and life were draining out and I was dying a slow death. I never thought I would regain my footing. After four years I sometimes wonder if I'm any further ahead. During an author interview on TV a few months ago, a man emailed me to say that he thought I was still grieving too much. How much is too much? I loved my boy deeply and my grief is a form of love. Rogue waves of grief roll in fiercely still. Am I to try and stop them or do I just let them wash over me, knowing that if I don't resist them they will eventually morph into calm again. I still love my life and I look forward to all that is to be lived still, but I will mourn always for my beautiful son Zachary Schylore Laird. Braving the dark places grief has taken me has taken my healing to a deeper level. In some ways, I still feel my life lies in shattered ruins with mounds of broken dreams smoldering before me; yet in other ways, I feel more complete. I am more in tune with the ache of the world. My heart hurts for what hurts God's heart. Parts of me will never be alright again. I will always be different than I was before glioblastoma (an aggressive brain tumour) took the life of my child. He would have been 18 on January 13th and graduating from high school this year. I watch his friends graduating and I my heart feels happy for them, but so very sad for what I have lost. On this side of heaven, I will always ache for what I have no more, but I will never be without hope. In the gap between now and heaven, Jesus protects me in his arms of love, giving me what I need to walk out this earthly journey. To find out more about our family's story go to www.inthecleft.com Much love to all you moms--it is the most joyous of journeys, but can also be very painful at times. Love, Dana

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Jamie - posted on 01/02/2015

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Dana, I am sorry for your loss. Its normal to think of your son & miss & think of him. Although he would not want u sad. I pray u find peice of mind. Start tommorow with possitive & happy thinking.

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