grounding / consenquences for teens at other ppls houses

Kimberley - posted on 10/28/2011 ( 35 moms have responded )

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Should a parent impose their teen's "grounding" rules while they are at a friends house (ie. calling the mom and telling her her kid is not allowed to watch t.v. use computer and so on....my daughter has a friend over and the mom called me and asked me to disable my wireless so that her daughter couldn't facebook on my daughter Ipod or be next to my daughter if my daughter accessed her internet on ipod.

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Jane - posted on 10/28/2011

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??? Grounding means being restricted to home as well as restricted from specific activities. If the girl is grounded she should NOT be at your house. She needs to go home. Now.

Michelle - posted on 10/28/2011

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If her daughter is grounded why is she allowed to go to her friends house? If she's done something to have those priveleges taken away I wouldn't have let her go.

I think it's a bit rude of her to ask you to impose her rules though. I wouldn't be disabling my wireless just to accomodate, but that's just me.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/29/2011

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Hmmmm.....if this girl was really grounded, why was she out at all? You should NOT have to implement groundings for other families at your house. Your house, your rules.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 11/01/2011

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Don't worry Vicky, I believe it's an American and Canadian point of veiw as well. I've honestly never heard of a parent allowing their child out when they're grounded and expecting another parent to punish their child because of the friend's idescretions.

Vicky - posted on 11/01/2011

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If a child is grounded then surely they should not be going out to other friends houses in the first place. To me if they are grounded that means they lose priveliges and I would be inclined to take the parent letting her child out as a lifting of the grounding as it is a treat so therefore all grounding rules are forfeited. But that is just a British point of view.

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JoAnne - posted on 11/01/2011

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If a kid is grounded they shouldn't be at a friends house. neither should their parents have to enforce someone else's rules. Although I think it depends on how close the parents are too in how things are enforced.

Loni - posted on 11/01/2011

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I really feel that you should respect a parent wishes because you may not know the circumstances to why they enforce the rules. I have watched some scary movies on children who have fall victim to internet creepers. Very serious so please be aware and dont be afraid to ask questions

Pamela - posted on 10/31/2011

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First, if I am not mistaken, "grounded" means...you don't leave the house, period unless for school, doctor appointments, church, etc. Loss of privileges is what you seem to be speaking about.

What your child is allowed to do should not be imposed upon by another child's consequences/loss of privileges.
If this happened in my house I would simply explain to the friend that since my child has not lost the privileges, it night be best if she comes back to visit at a time when her privileges are restored. I would also suggest to the Mom that the daughter not be allowed to visit others where she would be tempted to abuse the privileges of her friends.

Donna - posted on 10/31/2011

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ok I think that is going too far. If she was not allowed to go on the net then she should not be allowed to go where there is an Internet connection. I must say that when I ground my son (13) the only place that he is allowed to go is family because I know they will enforce it. But I would never let him go to a friends place.

Sharon - posted on 10/31/2011

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If a child or teen is grounded they should not be at someone else's house in the first place. And never ever impose a "grounding" you can not stick to. So think it through first. Once you ground a child and then change or cancel it, your not going to be successful at it in the future. Kids are smart. Next time they know they can get what they want. I'm a mother of 6 very loving, kind and successful kids. And they now are raising great kids. Be consistent.

LAURA - posted on 10/31/2011

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I agree. Whats the point of grounding her if she can go to her friends house.

LAURA - posted on 10/31/2011

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If she's grounded she shouldn't be at her friends house. Why should you disable your wireless because her mistake. Stay home.

Lora - posted on 10/31/2011

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I would tell your daughter and her friend that she can't stay the night until she is off of punishment. I would never assume to have another parent impose MY punishment on MY child. That is MY responsibility. Tell her mom that if her daughter is being punished that you will honor her wishes by not having her come over until her punishment is over. That way this young lady will understand that she is being punished even though her mom is being a bit lax with the punishment. No sense in your daughter being punished for something that her friend did.

Kimberley - posted on 10/30/2011

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Carol, it was my daughters ipod not the friend that had the consequence...

Kimberley - posted on 10/30/2011

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I agree Jennifer, at realtives homes, actually whether I NEED them or not, I think it is different...I think it is ok to ask "if they don't mind" but more than that....?

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 10/30/2011

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Why isn't your daughter's friend's mom keeping her child at home? That's what I always thought grounding was. She shouldn't be calling and telling you to disrupt your life because she can't be bothered to keep her child at home.

I do allow my MIL to set rules when my 7 year old stays at her place (I have a baby too, but babies don't understand rules) and she can tell me what my 7 year old did at her place. But if my 7 year old had a friend over and the friend's mom was telling me to disconnect my internet I'd probably ask why she didn't keep the child at home and refuse. We can't disconnect our internet because my husband needs it for work.

I do follow other parents' rules though for other things such as video games. My older daughter has friends who aren't allowed to play certain video games such as Halo Reach and another friend who is. So if that's a parents' request I can abide by it.

Medic - posted on 10/30/2011

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I do ask my parents to enforce my rules with my kids if they are watching them because I NEED them too. I have a few really close friends that will enforce my rules and I will enforce theirs. I think that if it is not a NEED that someone watch your kids then NO you should not have to change your house for their child.

Carol - posted on 10/30/2011

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If posting on FB is a problem why is she allowed to have her iPod? If it was me I would refuse but I'd ask that question. I'd also offer to tell my daughter to not let her use her wifi items. BTW, if you ever choose to you can password protect your wifi from her during those times.

Lori - posted on 10/30/2011

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If a child is grounded she should be at home. It is unfair for this mom to impose on you to do this. It sounds like this mom has issues with figuring out how to ground a teen.

Eileen - posted on 10/30/2011

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Depends on who;s house it is. If its a good friend, I see no problem with it. It takes a Village! When my teenager was not allowed to play M video games & other kids were, I made the parents aware and asked that M games not be played when my son was there. I see nothing wrong with it. I don't think you mean "grounded" Grounded is when you are not allowed to go anywhere. We call it "unplugged" when the electronics are taken away :)

Nadine - posted on 10/30/2011

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I think shie is wrong pulling other people into her personal problems with her child. if my child were grounded they would not be allowed to visit friends.

Stifler's - posted on 10/30/2011

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And no I wouldn't do this, it just sounds rude and controlling. If she's being punished for writing something *inappropriate* on FB then she shouldn't be allowed in situations where facebook is likely to be involved, other people shouldn't have to discipline her kid.

Annetta - posted on 10/29/2011

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Some children do not know how to use the internet properly. Should they be banned from a sleepover just because they are too immature to surf the web without direct supervision? That child that doesn't know how to properly use the internet could be leading your child into things on the internet that you prefer they stay away from, such as porn, bullying, inappropriate conversations with peers..... I would just respect that the other parent doesn't want their kid on the internet, and realize that there is probably a valid reason for it. I would rather keep the kids off the internet for the night, than find out that they spent the night bullying or surfing porn sites or using the webcam inappropriately.

Jolene - posted on 10/29/2011

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So your whole family is grounded from the Internet because your daughter's friend is? Also, she is implying she does not trust her own daughter to follow the rules, and does not trust you or your daughter to respect her rules. She should have told you of the grounding and then trusted you to not allow her on the Internet. However, I agree with those who said she should not be out at all.

Sharlene - posted on 10/29/2011

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Hi . I thought when you ground your child they don't get any previllgers , sorry but your doing it wrong

Cheri - posted on 10/29/2011

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No, it is your home and you should respectfully decline to do so because it is not your issue. Tell her you do not feel comfortable doing so. If she doesn't like your response, tell her she is welcome to come pick her up and the girls can get together another time after she is ungrounded.

JuLeah - posted on 10/29/2011

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Hummmm. no. Not okay to put you in that position. If she is grounded, then she needs to stay home where her mother can inforce the rules

[deleted account]

It is completely out of line (IMO) to ask another person to impose consequences on YOUR kid. Either let the kid go to someone else's house and have whatever fun they will have.... or keep your kid home where you KNOW the punishment is being followed. If you don't have a problem w/ your kid hanging out w/ another kid during the punishment time.... do the hang out at YOUR house.

Disclaimer: I know YOU aren't the one that did this. This is just my response to the mother you had to deal w/... ;)

Kathy - posted on 10/29/2011

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That is ridiculous for the mother to ask you to disable your wireless! Your family should not be punished because of what her daughter did. I'm sure she could have checked her daughters facebook to see if she had gone on it while the daughter was at your house. Seems she can't trust her daughter, and that is HER problem.

Kimberley - posted on 10/28/2011

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and luckily my sons ps3 online account isn't working because he would have been very upset to not be able to play because of his sisters friends consenquences!

Kimberley - posted on 10/28/2011

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She was grounded because she wrote something her mom deemed inappropriate on FB so when it happened her mother said she couldn't go on the computer at all for a while. So it was more of a consenquence. but the mom called me and told me that she couldn't even sit next to my daughter if mine wanted to go on FB or anything on the computer. i disconnected my wireless as a favor to the mother. but I just feel I would never impose my consenquences at someone elses house if I wasn't there also. I feel the mom should, seeing as she decided to let her daughter come over, should have put a break on the consenquence or just trusted her not to use my computer but should not have imposed that on me. in the end, the girls are having a great time laughing and giggling in my daughters room so it is ok...but it made me uncomfortable to have to enforce in this instance.

Kimberley - posted on 10/28/2011

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I actually agree with you. If I ground my teens or younger and then allow them to go to someones house, I don't impose their grounding on that family. Im glad someone agrees with me...

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