Handling 10 month old twins

Alicia - posted on 04/19/2016 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I have identical 10 month old twins. And as you can imagine we have good days and we have bad days. I have been a SAHM mom with them since they were born and their father works 6 days a week and most days doesn't get home until late. They have grown familiar with having me around and being there 24/7 but the problem that has developed is I can't get away. If I'm not on the floor playing with them or holding them they won't entertain themselves and throw a tantrum until I come back. I've tried to let them cry it out and soothe themselves but it doesn't work. I've created new games to keep them interested and sensory projects but unless I'm there they won't. I finally get to a breaking point and put them in their crib and walk away and they are fine. As soon as I come back they scream again. I have no family or help in the area and don't know anyone to help so we're currently moving to be by more family but until we can any ideas to help would be great ! I feel so depressed when they get like that I shut down

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Ev - posted on 04/20/2016

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Maybe they are secure in that crib. Sometimes kids use something as a security such as a blanket, pacifier, toy, stuff animal, doll, and the list could go on. It might just be a security for them. Just wish it was something they did not have to grow out of so soon LOL. But Sarah has a good idea to create a baby safe zone with their toys and familiar things that they do like. Even at this point a play pen might be a good option to use as well if they like it. I would not leave them in it forever because of their development. Soon they are going to be running around and chasing you! At that point things could get easier in terms of wanting you so much.

Alicia - posted on 04/19/2016

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Sarah thank you so much for all of this insight! Sometimes being so close to a situation you can't see some of the simplest solutions. I'm going to start practicing the pulling away and rejoing technique right away.
To answer your question about the crib : to be honest I'm not sure what they love about it. i started putting the two of them in it when they only months old going through a bad colic stage so I could get my barrings and when I did they were calm and engaged with each other more.

Sarah - posted on 04/19/2016

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They are at the height of separation anxiety, when you are not with them they want you. This is normal and you can handle this!
The only skill they have to let you know they want you back to to cry and scream. You can let them fuss, "no baby every died from crying" was my moms advice, and while it is hard to hear it is ok to let them fuss. Create a baby safe play area, get in there with them and engage in an activity. Then, get up and move about the space, where they can see you and you can talk and sing to them, then return. Practice this sort of pulling away, making verbal contact and rejoining. They will begin to learn that you may not be right within arms length. Then step out of the baby proof zone; talking and singing to them, "I love you, I will be back soon, peek a boo" and peek in on them so they can see you. They may laugh or scream and reach for you. Either is fine. Keep practicing. For your own sanity you need to get away from them for a time during the day. Do they engage in each other? Identical twins are (sorry to say) often the easiest to handle as they are born with an inherent desire to be with their partner. (ever see the videos of the 15 month-ish twins arguing about the socks?) Your kids will develop this bond and relationship and it is a marvel. Talking a language you cannot understand but they can, and wanting to be with each other all the time. You are just about to enter this period. So hang in there; let them pitch a massive fit. When you return your first words will be "I said I'd be back, here I am, how i love you" and hugs and snuggles.
I have a question: you say you break down and put them in their cribs where they are fine? What about the crib is soothing? Do they just sleep or is there a pacifier, lovey or something there that give security? You could then duplicate that in your baby safe area?
Few other notes; soothing a tantrum doesn't work, you are just teaching them to keep screaming until you return. They will learn to self and co-entertain, but it is a learned skill. In a few months you will probably see a huge change. Keep us posted!
Moms of multiples has lots of groups, find one and join; you will get tons of ideas. Also if you belong to a church, there may be someone (a mature student needing volunteer hours) who could come over for a bit so you can nap or shop. Sure they may go berserk when you leave but they will be ok overall.

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