handling a long distance marriage

2li - posted on 04/03/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )




Ladies please help, I am engaged and will get married in June, The thing is our very close and intimate relationship has turned into a long distance relationship since last month when I got a job in a town 356km from home, I had to move and start a life here leaving my fiance behind. We talk daily, the whole day infact and I just recently found out I am pregnant,he was sooo excited. Now my only worry is will a long distance marriage work, we love each other a lot but with a baby coming a lot will change. I would give anything to go back to my home town but then again I have to pay my bills. oh am now really confused


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Dawn - posted on 10/15/2013




Hi-It is possible to have a long-distance relationship with some work and some planning. It's possible to even set a goal to overcome difficulties being together due to finances but also possible. As a wife of a man whom lived in a different country and held a long-distance relationship and marriage with very long separations, etc for years, I can assure you that you will never lose the feeling of eventually needing to be with that person permanently. We had some very serious financial hurdles to overcome and it took years of planning and patience to solve; but it was possible. It is very difficult, your time becomes so precious to the other. You need to at least have the hopes of a future together and until then, you have to work a little harder. In the end, my husband and I maintained the first 3 years being separated for months at a time and together only a few weeks then the same again. It was so difficult and required unquestionable trust. There are some tricks as well. Skype and webcam, all day texting, surprise photos sent at an odd moment showing the other where we were at and how much we missed them. Little things. We are now physically together (with our kids) for the last 3 years and I can honestly say the depth we both feel is much stronger for those years of fighting to be together. It was so difficult but we never take the miracle of being together for granted. Don't know your reasons for the distance and it is absolutely not important. In this world, it's difficult enough to survive. It is more difficult with distance and you have to be strong for it but if you keep faith in each other and keep only you two being the most important then it works. Best of wishes and congratulations.

Liz - posted on 04/03/2013




I'm curious as to why you would choose to take a job that far from home when engaged, unable to take your fiancé with you and either with a baby on the way or while having sex with no contraceptive measures in place.

I had a transatlantic relationship for 2 years and made it work, but I wouldn't consider a long distance marriage and motherhood. Deployment is one thing, but that has a finite length to it, which apparently this doesn't. You're going to need to tackle this as a team and that's not really possible at a distance. If you want this man in your life as a husband and father, one of you is going to need to move to be with the other.

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