Has any moms here discovered secret Facebook accounts?

Rowan - posted on 12/04/2014 ( 11 moms have responded )

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I'm getting suspicious about my 12-year-old. She's not allowed to have a Facebook account until age 13, but even if we block social media sites at our home, she will be ale to access them on a friend's electronic. I found "sexy" photos of her on my photo library on my iPad. They're face only pictures so no inappropriate clothing but she wore makeup. She must've borrowed my makeup in our bathroom without asking because she knows very well that I do not allow her to wear makeup except lip gloss. It's possible that she has a secret Facebook account. I've heard of moms who has kids who opens two Facebook accounts because the parents monitor them. They keep one account for their parents to monitor, and the other one full of inappropriate images, inappropriate "friends" from other schools, and nude photos. They can easily block their parents, and make their account private so even if the parent opens a new account, their usual main account will be unseen. After my Internet rules for my kids: No social media until age 13, no talking to predators, no sexy images, no bad language, no cyber bullying, etc my daughter says she won't ev do any of those things but does she mean it?

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Jodi - posted on 12/10/2014

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Mothers worldwide have this very same issue. Kids do it all the time. They are pretty easy to find though. Kids aren't actually particularly smart about it I've noticed. Once you find the facebook account of one of her friends, or a friend of a friend, you can often follow the links to "friends" and find the fake accounts. Heaps of my school students have fake accounts - that's how I know that they aren't too bright about hiding them, LOL. They just think you won't know how to go about looking for it.

Sarah - posted on 12/10/2014

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Your school allows access to Face Book? We took an internet safety course at our police department. Fake accounts and secret access to social media is one of the biggest problems that was discussed. The detective explained that you can purchase software that will scan all of the popular social media sites, for your child's face and name. Technology has both been a blessing and a curse when it come to the safety of our kids. I can track my teens on the GPS and my kids can call me anytime they need me, but they also can access inappropriate content and potentially put themselves in danger. We don't only any social media for our kids until 16. You are correct though, that I can be positive they aren't going on the internet at a friends house. It is scary. Most important is to keep an open dialog with your kids all of the time, so if they do make a mistake they can come to you. In my era, we experimented with alcohol, today it's sexting.
Keep a close eye on the history of your computer, and you'll see if she's been clearing her history when she been on and you've been away. If she is following the rules, she'd have no reason to clear her history, right?

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Rowan - posted on 12/14/2014

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I have to agree that it is scary. I've tried looking for mutual friends of hers on Facebook but I don't seem to find any. Perhaps their parents must've not allowed them on social media so they made their accounts private too...she chooses to hang out with girls in her grade who is also interested in being 'skinny'. Same in community programs. She's also friends with a 16 year old who has same interests as her in being 'skinny and sexy'. She's sociable so she manages to make friends of ALL ages whether they're younger, her age, or older. I've seen her hang out with 9 year olds talking about adult clothing! I'm friends with some of their moms, and a lot of them have problems with their kids having social media and wears inappropriate clothing. Of course, I remove everything of my draught eras I'd find in an adult, not a young girl.

Sarah - posted on 12/10/2014

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I think then you are doing exactly what you need to do to protect her. When she move on to the new school, she will naturally fall into a group or kids her own age based on the fact that her classes academically will be for the 8th grade. I have a 12 grade son and a 10 grade daughter and while I do still keep close tabs on them, I trust them too. They have earned it.
Hopefully the faculty at the high school will be just as concerned with your child's safety as your are. Yes, as the kids approach graduation, they will be afforded more privileges then the younger kids, but a good balance is what you hope for. Can you look up a student handbook online for the high school? Do they have internet safety policies? What is the expected code of conduct? If it seems like a free for all setting, can you find a different school?

Rowan - posted on 12/10/2014

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Dear Sarah,
I've asked the teacher about social media sites at school, she says that the school board blocks all social media sites to make us kids and everyone on the school grounds can't access them.
Actually, the legal age to start using social media is 13 so I did tell my daughter she may use it when she turns 13 but w/ adult supervision. I would not allow her to access them alone until 18. Internet safety is a STRICT rule at my household, and none of my kids are 13 yet so no one except me and my husband can sign up for social media.
I've been scanning my daughter's history and I don't see much. The last time she's been online was when I was out, and she was only on to look up some vocabulary words. That was it. Nothing more than vocabulary words for homework.
She doesn't have a cell phone, so I don't have to worry about her outside of home and school. She attends a K-7 school, so it kind of 'prevents' kids. There are smaller kids like 1st graders-5th graders around so since there are younger kids, they actually have more strict rules about it but she'll be in 8th-grade soon...which means the kids at her new high school could be as old as 18 and in 12th grade, they usually make rules for the entire school, not just for a particular group of kids. I've been hearing that high schools don't care much what kids do, because they're "too old" to be taken care of.

Rowan - posted on 12/10/2014

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She has lots of other ways to been Facebook...such as a friend's electronic, a computer at school, and such. I left her alone in the house for an hour and a half and that she's old enough to be home alone but I'm assuming she might've been on Facebook again, I can't help but make assumptions. Okay, now I actually say no to staying home without an adult due to that reason unless there's really nobody who can stay home.
What I'm ALSO afraid is she's friends w/ a bunch of teenagers and she gets into drugs? I know not all teens are bad and I'm curious if she has OTHER social media networks, like Instagram and Kik messenger.

Gardensparrow - posted on 12/09/2014

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Hi Rowan~
Thanks for the update. Well, you definitely sound like you're keeping an eye on her, so that's good. And if your daughter knew you were on top of this issue so quickly this last time, hopefully that will keep her from attempting something like this again!

gardensparrow
#girlluvs2garden#

Rowan - posted on 12/05/2014

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Dear Gardensparrow,
Thank you. My daughter does not have any phones. She has a laptop, but she stopped using it. I've grounded her for a week once the VERY first time I found a picture of her in a bikini that she forgot to delete on my iPad. She e-mailed the bikini picture to her best friend and a boy who is three years older than her...

Gardensparrow - posted on 12/05/2014

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Well, first of all, good for you for being on top of this. It's definitely so important to keep an eye on what our kids are doing online and make sure they know your guidelines ahead of time. Unfortunately, there's so much junk out there they can stumble on to, whether intentional or not. As far as having a secret FB account, I have heard of kids doing that. Whether it's the case with your daughter or not would be hard to say. But have you thought of installing Internet filters on your computers, tablets, phones, etc.? There's a lot of great ones out there now that would help monitor things like this. So, that might worth looking into...

gardensparrow
#girlluvs2garden#

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