Has anyone else been banned from trying for another baby due to health reasons?

Liz - posted on 11/12/2011 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My first pregnancy was difficult/high risk, as I have a divided uterus (bicornuate) that provides a lot less room for a baby to develop in. My daughter was born at 28 weeks, but even the perinatologist was not certain that this was because of the bicornuate uterus.



That's not the reason for my OB-GYN 'banning' me from having further pregnancies. It isn't even certain that any future baby would also be premature. The OB-GYN thinks that at age 40, as overweight as I am (I'm trying to lose 100 lb this year and have already lost 50 lb), and given the fact that I was just starting to get gestational diabetes at 28 weeks in my first pregnancy, that there would be too many major cardio-vascular risks.



This would be assuming that I could even get pregnant again, as my odds for successful conception with my weird anatomy are reportedly about 6%. In fact, prior to the conception of my daughter, I'd been told for 15 years that I was infertile.



Obviously I'm hoping that I can shift another 100 lb and that the advice might be different once I have, but in the meantime I'm somewhat gutted. I love my daughter to bits and don't feel that she isn't enough child, if you know what I mean, but my husband and I would both like one more.



Has anyone else had something similar happen to them? How did you get through it?



[Edit to make it clear that I am not selfishly considering going ahead with a pregnancy if it IS actually unsafe, nor am I expecting moms here to be able to give any advice on that issue. I'll be getting second opinions from physicians for that. I have also researched surrogacy and adoption already. What I am hoping for from this thread is discussion on the emotional consequences of being told not to have more children. I'd like to hear how people in similar situations have coped etc.]

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Amanda - posted on 11/12/2011

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Never discount medical advice, you will do a disservice to your daughter. A dead mother is useless to your already born child. And its a very seflish choice to have another child after you been told to not have any more due to medical reasons. If someone told you, thats a chance you might die (doing something else), would you risk it?

There are many otherways to have another child, surrogate, adoption. And I can tell you 100% you will not die doing these.

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Liz - posted on 11/12/2011

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I'm not selfish, Amanda. My OB-GYN himself told me that other OB-GYNs might give totally different answers, especially younger ones, because his viewpoint was considered 'old-fashioned'. He's in his 60s.



If I were saying 'Oh what the hell, I'm gonna get pregnant anyway', yes, that'd be selfish. I'm not doing that. I'm contemplating the emotional picture of being told that I shouldn't have more, plus weighing up how much of an issue the medical grounds actually are. I'll probably get at least a second opinion, if not more.



I'm nurse trained - I have a BSc in Nursing - so I do understand the risk v benefit argument. I am not contemplating trying to have a child while the circumstances that make it difficult are in effect. I would be losing the weight first.



It's also not as if I had any cardio-vascular symptoms or risks in my first pregnancy either, so the doctor is simply theorising based on the fact that I'm overweight. Plenty of overweight women have perfectly healthy pregnancies without going on to develop hypertension, pre-eclampsia etc. His only actual evidence for telling me not to get pregnant again at the moment is weight + risk of gestational diabetes. Doctors go by guesswork a lot more than you'd think. I know that for a fact after working along side them, hearing their discussions and diagnoses. After the experiences I have had, both as a nurse and as a patient, I no longer believe that the word of a single doctor is absolute.



The fact that my daughter was a premie also does not mean that the same thing would happen again. My mother has exactly the same condition and carried two children to term.



I know that surrogacy and adoption are options and have researched these. I'm not looking for advice about that.



What I'm actually hoping for from this thread is discussion on how people feel about and deal with being told that they shouldn't have more children.



That being said, thank you for your reply. It highlighted the fact that I needed to reword my original post somewhat to make my intentions clearer. :)

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