Has anyone regretted their tubal ligation?

Nadine - posted on 12/24/2013 ( 60 moms have responded )

31

0

0

So I'm a child free 23 year old who is looking for some feedback from women of all walks of life on the subject of tubal ligation (sterilization). I'm considering it as a procedure, but I want to hear back from others too. (My mother had it, but much after I was born.)
Did any of you have the procedure and regret it? Why? Have it and are thankful, why?
How was your recovery?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Christine - posted on 12/27/2013

5

0

2

I had this procedure done when I was 30. It was after I was divorced, and I had had two kids - a boy and a girl. I had always wanted just two and I had one of each. I was single (but dating) after being with my ex husband since high school and I have degenerative disc disease which had put me on bed rest for the last two weeks of my pregnancy with the last before they finally induced at 38 weeks. Since the dr had "suggested" I consider not having more children (biologically), I figured, a tubal would be good birth control and solve the issue. It was very matter-of-fact with me,

I also had a procedure done at the same time called an ablation which is where they do something to the lining of the uterus, like scrape it out. It can make you not have a period again, or have very light ones (awesome!)- I did this because I had been having some months with very heavy bleeding (like scary heavy- thinking I was pregnant having a miscarriage- bleeding). But- this procedure also meant that if I ever did want to try to reverse the tubal, the egg would have no lining to implant itself to- so the procedure is kind of like an extra precaution sterilization.

Literally a week after I had the procedure, I went on my first date with the man that eventually became my husband. He has three kids of his own- so we have a total of five (plus two dogs- so full house, right?). You would think that there would be no way I would want more kids... I mean, my husband is 42 and I am 34. Right now, we will be only 54 and 46 when our youngest goes off to college which means we will be young enough to travel and have all sorts of fun! And if we had a baby now- we would be 62 and 54. And it would be hard on my body.. And there are so many reasons why "not".

But- there Are a lot of times we talk about how we really wish we could have a baby together. Create a life in our blended family that is the two of ours. One we could parent without the influences of our crazy ex's. one that has he and I in it...

So- yeah, I think I do regret having the procedure. Especially both of them.

Sarah - posted on 02/21/2016

10,415

0

26

Although it is rare, some women do conceive after a tubal ligation. These pregnancy often become ectopic so if you think you may be pregnant, you need to be seen by a doctor. If you feel fetal movement you'd be at least 14 or more weeks along. If you had a positive pregnancy test and not period, why did you not consult a doctor?

Jodi - posted on 12/29/2013

3,562

36

3907

Nadine, I guess that is something only someone who has never been a parent could say. I have learned many things from my children. Patience, unconditional love, selflessness, the way different people look at the world, looking at the world through the eyes of a child and experiencing the many things life brings from a perspective I could never have imagined if I didn't have children.

I am not saying you should have children, but to suggest that people don't learn from their children is something only someone without children could ever say. I won't pretend that you could even comprehend what that means, but don't dismiss it.

Sheila - posted on 12/29/2013

7

0

0

Hello Nadine, no I have not ha a tubal ligation but I have always wanted to have at least one or two children. But I guess it was not to be, but to be honest I would have wanted to have children. I believe children are a blessing, you can learn things with them, from them and you can learn many things about yourself; during the entire process. How awesome is that? Without having any children how did I learn all of that? By God's grace and mercy and all the little ones my brother and sister had. I am just grateful they think enough of me to call, text, etc... to let me know how things are going with them and there families I have always wanted a nice size family of my own so we could do Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc.. which I do; just not the way I had in my plan but it's all good I am grateful for what I do have.

From: Open ear

60 Comments

View replies by

Julie - posted on 02/21/2016

1

0

0

Hey I have a quick question, I had my tubes tied in 2008 I took test came back positive, some negative, my question is I look & feel pregnant have ALL symptoms, feel movement what should I do? Does it sound like I am? NO BLEEDING missed my period.... Thanks

Nadine - posted on 12/31/2013

31

0

0

Chris, thank you for your comment!
That's a lot of responsibility for someone at 20. I'm totally aware that I chose to have it pretty comfortably: I study, work and live at home comfortably.

Yeah, I understand the importance of waiting two years. Personally, surgery scares me and that's one of the reasons why I was going to wait till I was 25. I've been saying the same old thing since I was seven, it's something my parents aren't happy to accept but it's not something surprising anyways. They just stubbornly think that "my biology" will start up one day when I meet the "right guy".
Now they think that my boyfriend wants children eventually, and nothing is further from the truth.

Yikes! Extreme cramps? That's what I was looking to avoid, since I'm a mess there anyways with my period.
Shoot, thanks for the heads up!

Chris - posted on 12/31/2013

22

0

5

I know all you younger people will tell me you are grown at 18 and have made adult decision etc etc. But at 20 I had 3 children 2 mortgages and a dog. At 25 the decisions I would have made would have been different. I still think you should wait until you are at least 25. My youngest decided she wasn’t going to have children, she said besides the whole pregnancy thing she didn’t want to be responsible for a child. Now she is 27 and has decided she wants to have a baby with her partner. I have a friend who always said she didn’t want to have kids now at age 37 she still doesn’t and will never have a child she is very happy with her decision. It is your decision and one you will live with. If at 23 you don’t want one and at 25 you don’t, waiting 2 years isn’t much.

I have had a tubal and it failed and I had another child. SO for all the God quoters if it’s God’s will she will have one no matter what :P. I will say after my 2nd tubal I had extremely heavy periods with horrible cramps. They told me it was one of the side effects. It sucked! The procedure was fairly easy. I took a few days off work and although it was uncomfortable I managed to live and went back to work after a few days.

I don’t think it is wrong or right I think it is your choice. Do I think you will change your mind later? Maybe, maybe not. But I do believe that no one should make a decision that is life changing before they turn 25. I also believe that a decision that large should be something you think about for a good year or two. Maybe waiting that time will let your parents see this is really what you want.

Christine - posted on 12/30/2013

5

0

2

Well the gyno told me that the ablation would pretty much make me not have a period any more so I was like "yes"! But after about 6 months of not having a period anymore- I started having one… much lighter (usually only 2-3 days) but I still kind of felt like it was "not as advertised". LOL. But then a new gyno a few years later explained that the procedure was meant to reduce bleeding- not stop the periods all together, although that can happen.

The recovery from both procedures together was about 3-4 days. I had it on the Friday of Memorial Day weekend, I remember and went to work on Tuesday. I remember being REALLY sore Friday and Saturday (of course, I was single and alone pretty much- my sister came to check on me and bring me ice packs a few times- luckily she was watching my children at her place).

I do sometimes feel like I am missing out on having a baby with my husband now. And I was 110% positive at the time that I was doing the right thing. And there are a bunch of reasons why my decision was probably the right one. My husband and I talk about it now- and we both feel the same way- that having a baby together is kind of a bitter sweet idea. Would have been nice- but not in the cards. I know he would have spoiled me while I was pregnant (something my first husband definitely did not do!) and I know that we would be able to create an amazing life that is perfectly the both of us.

On the other hand- we recently got a puppy- and had to get up every two hours during the night and man- I DID NOT miss that!! LOL

GOOD LUCK!!

Only1Chance - posted on 12/30/2013

50

0

3

Jodi thank for your response its a pleasure getting to speak to you as well. No mam, I completely understand the point you and she are trying to make & just because I disagree does not mean I don't see the "point". Which again as I said before the two are not comparable we were built to have children which is y it has been the conversation sense time began amongst women and not about planes and I guess whats left is we can agree to disagree. And biblically women who couldn't have children were basically called cursed because as they understood the true meaning of life (which is still relevant today) was about getting married and to bear children for God, so sesne it was called a curse there was a very small percentage of the ones who CHOSE to not bear children or get married. And yes there has always been feminism and they were the ones who were rebelling against God. But times have changed theres an OVERWHELMING rebellion against God and that is exactly y she has this question whether shes aware of that or not and NO IM NOT SINGLING HER OUT IAM SAYING THE ROOT OF THAT QUESTION COMES from a rebellion and rebellions comes from satan. Theres an epidemic of non marriage & chosing to b childless like never before & we see the effects the consequences of that ABORTION (murdering children), Population decline, STDS to name a few.

Jodi - posted on 12/30/2013

3,562

36

3907

No disrespect, Only1Chance, but I think you are missing the point I was trying to make.

And to be fair, there are also women since the beginning of time who have been childless as well. There are also many who choose to be childless and live quite happy lives. They just tend not to choose it at such a young age, which I think is the issue here, not whether she chooses not to have children, but waiting to experience life a bit more before she makes that very final decision.

Only1Chance - posted on 12/30/2013

50

0

3

With all do respect Jodi & Nadine but the whole jumping out of an airplane & having a child are incomparable. Woman were built to have children &( its exactly why your debating & or seems like your trying to convince yourself of your choice) were any of us built for jumping out of a plane? No we were not, we werent born with special wings and this is exactly y sense the BEGINNING OF TIME 100% of woman dont debate with in ourselves at a certain point in our lives about jumping out of airplane. Im not trying to b rude in anyway as I said before I care about pple and I want pple to have the best information before considering a very serious choice with long lasting effects.. Take Care Every One!

Nadine - posted on 12/29/2013

31

0

0

Jodi, exactly!
Sometimes I have to explain to people (my mother) why I don't want children. I usually end up describing to her the same scenario: I could jump out of a plane, but I don't have the desire to, so I don't.

Jodi - posted on 12/29/2013

3,562

36

3907

Well, you won't miss what you have never experienced, so you are right. That's like me saying I never want to jump out of a plane. You could argue, but I don't know that wonderful feeling of jumping out of a plane, but then, I, who have never felt that, wouldn't be missing anything because I don't know what it is actually like and never will, so I wouldn't miss it in my life.

Nadine - posted on 12/29/2013

31

0

0

I didn't say that people don't learn from their children, I said I didn't think there was anything that I (specifically I) will miss from not having children.
I'm sorry that I wasn't able to properly put that into words. I certainly know that by choosing not to have children I won't have the same experiences or be able to not be selfless for a child. I know already that I have a hard time make compromises when I have a goal in mind, so that's a reason why I won't have children.

Nadine - posted on 12/29/2013

31

0

0

Sheila, you have a really positive outlook on life!
Yeah, I understand how lucky I am to have so many nieces and nephews. But I don't know what you mean about learning things from them. I don't think there's necessarily anything that I'll miss figure out from not having children.
That's not to say people don't learn from having children; I'm sure they learn how to be immensely patient and caring.

Nadine - posted on 12/28/2013

31

0

0

Sheila, thanks for the reply! My mother has had the operation, but she was much older than I am currently. Most of the women in my life think that I'll change my mind because I like children, and the others just don't want to discuss it further.
It's a kind of question that I ask at the beginning of a relationship; if the person I'm seeing wants children I don't date them any more. Sounds cold, but one of my exes wanted children and his mother would try and change my mind.
I guess if they wanted to have kids with me specifically, and couldn't see an alternative to having kids with me, we would have to go our separate ways. I'm not willing to change that.

Have you had a tubal ligation, by the way?

Sheila - posted on 12/27/2013

7

0

0

Hello, not sure if you had a chance; to talk with the women in your life. Weather they are family or friends, but some times that can be a good place to start, only because you may be close to them and would honor there feed back. If you are sure you don't want to have children? that may be a choice you may want to make, but if you want to get married or be in a relationship; where he may want children? It's always good to look at the big picture, if you really love someone; you might just want to share that special moment.

From: Open Ear

Only1Chance - posted on 12/27/2013

50

0

3

Yes, we have free will but God knew you before the foundation of this earth. He knows how our life started & how it will end.... just saying God knows everything. Once again thats your decision and im just sharing some wisdom. I just dont want pple to ever have to say no one warned me. Love ya, omgoodness its getting late! :-) it was nice talking to you!!!! & sorry im on my phone and its gng slow, guess im not getting good service.

Only1Chance - posted on 12/27/2013

50

0

3

You are absolutely correct theres plenty of children who need to be adopted, ive considered & have a heart for foster children.. breaks my heart. I just need to get my husband on the same page.

Nadine - posted on 12/27/2013

31

0

0

Only1Chance: Again, thank you for your concern. I still am the one who directs my life, whether or not a particular deity is behind those decisions and personally a deity doesn't change how I feel about children or getting married.

Only1Chance - posted on 12/27/2013

50

0

3

Uuumm with all do respect our life is not ours God put us here and He can take us out of here when he wants... do u know if you will absolutely be here tomorrow? No, u (or me) can die in our sleep tonight without any warning or us wanting it.... We love are children dearly, we tell them at an early age 1-2yrs No!! Dont go out to the street Y? They can get hit by a car get seriously hurt or die. We as parents we've lived & know y, our babies don't, they have no idea y & the consequences that is y we warn them. We'll God is our Father & those who believe become His children God tells us Warns us in The Bible heres what these pple did when they didnt listen & the consequences. So God tells us in the Bible About life because he created our life, our world,our universe, like we warn our children about dangers and the consequences.

Only1Chance - posted on 12/27/2013

50

0

3

As I said before I respect your choice, God gave us free will. Take Care Nadine it was nice talking to you, if you ever want to talk I am here 4 you! ;). One last thing Jesus said " No one gets to the Father but by me".Jesus Christ was saying if we do not believe in Him with all our heart (&repent of all sin)we can not enter Heaven. There is only one way. If you would like an in depth teaching I recommend (YouTube) John MacArthur Saved or Self Deceived. As I said its up to you. I will not condemn you, but I tell you and ever other person who reads this out of love because even though I don't know any of you God calls us to love and warn pple. I love You all!! Take Care

[deleted account]

Nadine, like the choice of when to have a kid this is the same thing. True I haven't heard of someone regretting having a kid. But if you do this and decide say 15 years from now you want a family adoption is always an option. I'm not saying you will regret it if it's something you truly feel you want. But if 1% chance it does happen you still have options to have a family and there are lots of kids that would benefit from the chance of being taken into a loving home. If you never have a family then all the power to you. Your life is yours and no one elses. It can be fulfilling for you because you achieved the things you wanted. There will be family issues always and forever. My family isn't agreeing with my decision to have an only one child. But I am standing firm on that since it is my choice and I am the one that has to deal with it. Of course my partner has a say and we feel the same way currently.
Bottom line you know yourself better than anyone and you can't let people pressure you into something you don't want. That is when true regret hits. Don't jump into something to stop pressure and don't do something to make them happy. It's your life make yourself happy since you're the one that has to live it.

Nadine - posted on 12/27/2013

31

0

0

Only1Chance: Thank you for the concern, but it won't be necessary but I'm happy that you found something you were looking for. I'm really happy with the way things are in my life, so I don't want to change the goals of my life, really.

Only1Chance - posted on 12/27/2013

50

0

3

And thank you very much for allowing me to share my perspective, we are called by God to speak truth in love.... well as I mentioned b4 I know God put it in my heart to want a family because God created Family and satan is trying to destroy EVERYTHING THAT GOD CREATED. I know this might not make any sense to you, but I just want you to know that you can turn to God and ask for help don't wait until its too late our days are numbered on this earth and we do not know if we will be here tomorrow, because no I did not always think this way but you know what im glad He has helped me realize the truth.

Nadine - posted on 12/27/2013

31

0

0

Only1Chance: Thank you, that's an interesting perspective! I don't share the same beliefs, but that's okay!
Why did you feel like you needed to have children right after you got married?

Only1Chance - posted on 12/27/2013

50

0

3

I respect your point of view, and hope for the best for your life...

Only1Chance - posted on 12/27/2013

50

0

3

Well I strongly believe it was because God opened my eyes and let me see what real love is & the true meaning of life. And even more that I understand why our purpose is here on Earth. I don't know if you believe in God or Jesus Christ but ive been learning a lot this past year about what God has to say (In the Bible) & how RELEVANT it is TODAY & in my life. I hope for the best for you I truly do. Jesus says "seek and you shall find, knock and it will be opened when you search will all your heart".. after I got married I just decided lets have a baby I wanted a family of my own ,(after all this is what should happen next). If you want more detail we were trying and I was sure I was pregnant. The DAY I GOT MY PERIOD I cried It felt like I had a miscarriage or something and realized how much I truly wanted a child.

Nadine - posted on 12/27/2013

31

0

0

Only1Chance: Thank you, you as well. Which posts are you mentioning that are full of regret? Yeah, I don't care about having a family or monogamous spouse because I just want to focus on my writing and career. It's just nothing else matters besides it! I love it.

Only1Chance - posted on 12/27/2013

50

0

3

Also my mom had that after having 3 children and she regrets it my dad convinced her to do it & now she says "all because of your dad". A family friend who is about 40, had 4 kids in her 20's and 5 years ago she had her last child #5. She mentioned she was having that procedure not even kidding NOT LONG AFTER she flat out said I regret it I want another child. All the post I read were those of regret. Y? Because the love of a child is like no other not all the money in the world or with all do respect even what Your probably thinking about is more important than having children... may God Bless you.

Nadine - posted on 12/27/2013

31

0

0

Only 1 Chance: Thank you for responding! I'm happy that you're so thrilled with your family! My sister was in a similar position, but got pregnant and now has a huge family.

Why did you change your mind? I'm considering this now because I don't want children, and don't want children at all. I've been this way since I was seven, and I don't see myself as ever being a mother. I don't even like entertaining that idea. :P

Only1Chance - posted on 12/27/2013

50

0

3

If you don't mind me asking y r u considering this?.. I have 2 children& do NOT consider having a tubal ligation myself. Or really even recommend it. As a teen around 18 I use to say I AM NOT GETTING MARRIED OR EVEN HAVING CHILDREN, I DON'T EVEN LIKE CHILDREN. Weell the following year fell in love , dated & married my husband, at 20 had my first child. It was the BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME. I fell in love with mother hood & my son & let me tell you Children are a true Blessing DEFINITELY NOT A CURSE LIKE THE WORLD TELLS US. It is tough being a mother even though I wouldn't trade it for the World and didn't know if I wanted another child because my husband didn't help much w/my son. We were not on bc pill so we were trying the pull out method and got pregnant again. It was the best thing God allowed He blessed me with another child. I can't imagine my life without my daughter and I know I will feel the same if God decides to bless us 10 more times lol yup I said it! Thankfully my husband has come AROUND!! Hes a wonderful father & husband. Now imagine if I would have gave up on him!! I wouldn't have had my daughter or seen him a great dad that EVERY CHILD NEEDS.

Nadine - posted on 12/27/2013

31

0

0

Katrina, thank you for your reply!
What did your family try to tell you, to not get it done?
Yeah, I'm okay with having this done before I have a kid. I know many people would disagree, but that's just my point of view.

Katrina - posted on 12/27/2013

2

0

0

well to be honest I had it done 17 years ago and I do regretted it because I wanted a girl for a long time an cant have one. I have to boys 17 an 19. I love them so much I just wish I would of waited before I had the tubal ligation because I didn't think about it at first I just had problem with my delivery with both sons so after the last one I had it done . but see your only 23yrs old and u still have along time and if u do this it will be over before u could have a child . so what I feel is u should wait tell u for sure u want no kids. sure ur tubs can come un tied but its been 17 yrs and mine are still tied but if u get them burn u will never have kids so if I were u I would think very hard before getting it done I wish I would of listen to my family first before I had it done.

Nadine - posted on 12/27/2013

31

0

0

Bianca, how did you know that you regretted it the moment it happened? And wow, that sucks! How unfortunate that you experienced that kind of pain because of the surgery. When you say that the doctor forced you into having the procedure; how did they do that?

Christine, I have never heard of an ablation but oh man does it sound awesome! I wanted a hysterectomy as a young teen, before I understood the complications associated with it!
But that sounds like a great alternative. Do you feel like something is missing from your life by not being able to have a child with your husband?

Blanca - posted on 12/26/2013

1

0

0

I regretted it the moment it happened. I had just had my 4th and the dr pretty much forced me into it. I had tubal reversal surgery 8years later, in 2010 very expensive and finally after trying for 11 months and many tests later we were able to get pregnant. Our son is now 21 months old. I wouldn't recommend tubal ligation because when I had my reversal some they found several cysts that were caused by backed up eggs that had no where to go when I menstruated. I was always in pain before my reversal. I am glad I had it undone. We are tryin for one more before I go on some sort of semi permanent birth control but would never have my tubes tied/cut/burned again! I was only 25 when I had it done. I remarried and wanted a child from my new husband.

Nadine - posted on 12/26/2013

31

0

0

Thank you for your reply, Misty!
Could you tell me more about why your sister in law got it done in the first place? Why did she want to reverse it? Did she start wanting children before she remarried her current husband, or was it something he wanted really badly?

I'm sorry to hear that you regret your decision (it makes me so sad to hear when people have to compromise on their dreams!). Why do you feel like it was a mistake?

Misty - posted on 12/26/2013

1

0

0

I would definitely tell you to at least wait until you are 30 before you even CONSIDER having it done. I had three boysby the time i was 25, had it done, and now ten years later, i regret it soooo much. However, my sister in law had hers done ten years ago and recently remarried a man who had no children. They tried invitro twice (tons of money lost) and itdidnt work. She found a doctor just south of where we live who was willing to try to "put her tubes back together," and the very fjrst month after that procedure was done she was pregnant and has a beautiful 10 month old. Just dont do it yet!,,,,,,,,,

Nadine - posted on 12/26/2013

31

0

0

Amarylis, I'm sorry to hear you felt that way! I couldn't ever imagine feeling that kind of pain. You said it's gone since you've had your child?

Gabriele, thank you for your quick and rich reply! I appreciate you taking the time to reflect on this with me, as most people don't really want to discuss this with me. It's refreshing to be able to see different points of view!

(Sometimes when I ask people life questions I sometimes sound a little blunt or alien since I just don't understand the emotions behind getting married/having children. It's very foreign to me, so I have to be careful I'm not accidentally rude!)

Yesss, I totally get what you mean about the pregnancy thing. When I think about other women being pregnant, I'm very supportive of their decision. However, thinking about being pregnant is a really difficult thing for me. I get physically ill, even typing "me being pregnant" makes me very anxious and nauseous. I'm happy to hear that even women who have had children did not feel comfortable being pregnant!

I kind of see my decision to not want to "settle down" as a part of my core, much someone's preference for one gender over another. I'm a really affectionate person, but I find being in monogamous relationships mentally taxing. I dislike feeling restricted, because let's be honest: feelings don't really abide by the rules we create, you know?

I was considering a copper IUD, and even Implanon but in the last two years my body hasn't dealt well with hormonal contraceptive so I'm trying to flesh out all these other options.

When you say that you don't want your son to be alone, what do you mean? Do you think that he would have a lesser quality of life if he doesn't have siblings?

Do you remember why your friend didn't want children? For example, my brother swore up and down he wouldn't want children. He said that even when his wife got pregnant, it wasn't something he wanted but did it because she wanted it. They're both really happy, but I wouldn't be able to jump onto the step of "selflessness" to sacrifice my future for someone else to have a child, you know?

Aww, you sound like you have a great little family! That's very sweet, and congrats on baby number two!

Thank you again, eh?

Gabriele - posted on 12/26/2013

1

0

0

Hi Nadine! You definitely did not sound rude.

As far as not the "type of person" to settle down, this may be true for this season in your life. However, the older you get this may drastically change. Just like the desire to have children may change. I can not speak for your future but more often than not seasons of your life come and go. You are not the same person today as you were last year and the same is true for years to come. For example, our taste buds change every 7 years. I like to think of life the same way. We never thought we would like the taste of something and eventually we do. You are still young (I am too) it is hard to say where we will be a year from now, five years from now or ten years from now. I would highly recommend thinking and researching on the litigation for awhile and try something less permanent for the time being.

I am considering a tubal litigation but right now am highly leaning towards an Implanon Implant. I personally do not like being pregnant. The whole process feels unnatural to me but I can say at this after experiencing not one but two pregnancies. Some women love it, I just don't. So I was really leaning towards a litigation HOWEVER being so young most GYN's wont perform this type of procedure for such young women unless medically it is needed. I know my OB/GYN is against it although I haven't pushed her on it either. I do realize my life could change drastically and therefore my future decision to have no more children. Do you know what I mean?

I can say my husband personally never wanted children. I was 18 when we married and we were pregnant and I can honestly say it was the best thing that happened to us and our marriage. I love my family. We never wanted another tho until this past year. Our son is 7 now and I just don't want him to be alone. Both my husband and I came from large families and so siblings are important to us, it was kind of like no kids or two kids. I can personally say I do not want a large family which is why I am pretty confident that if I was to get a tubal litigation I wouldn't regret it. I have experienced a healthy marriage, two pregnancies, 7 years of an only child and will be welcoming baby #2 in 20 days or less.

Our friends on the other hand wanted absolutely no children and it was a total fluke they ended up pregnant the first time. She too was married young and was using basic birth control pills to prevent. She loved pregnancy so much and had two more children after her first and I am certain a fourth is going to come up soon. She has even offered to surrogate.

It is so funny that she wanted no children and has fallen in love with pregnancy and being a mom. I on the other hand always wanted to have a large family (even tho my husband didn't want any kids) and find it interesting that I am most certainly ok with my small family. I also want to point out my husband didn't want kids originally but has fallen in love with being a dad and is very excited about baby #2.

I hope you see where I am coming from. The biggest thing is that you just change, you go through seasons and phases and friends and values and morals and spirituality and physically...things change. I would hate to see you make such a permanent decision that cannot be reversed and then regret your decision. While kids may not be everyone's cup of tea, I don't think you really ever regret having kids in the long run.

[deleted account]

yes it was. It was like half my heart was missing. I felt loved by my man, I loved him. But there was still this lonely empty feeling. It went away the moment I got to hold her.

Nadine - posted on 12/26/2013

31

0

0

Amarylis, thank you for your response!
Wow, I have never had wanting a child being described that way to me. So you're saying that before having a child, you felt like something was missing in your life?
That must have been a really painful feeling.
Wow, I never knew! Is that a similar thing for others, I wonder?

[deleted account]

wanting a child is very hard to explain. For me, and I don't know if this is how it is for others, I felt like there was a part of me missing. Boyfriends and close friends didn't fill this hole. Like something was always missing from my life. After I had my daughter I felt complete and still do. I have a special person who I can take places, do things with, and make super happy. The relationship is so different from any other it's hard to explain. I honestly think I'm only having the one since after I had her I have no more want to be pregnant again. The older she gets the happier I am with her. I am your age with an almost two year old. Sometimes this want can happen later in life. I have a friend who has decided to start a family and she is 28.

Nadine - posted on 12/26/2013

31

0

0

Keshia, you should probably make a new thread to help find more answers to your problem. :)

Thanks for your reply Gabrielle, you have really solid advice. I'm not the type to settle down with one person for life, so making this huge decision with the person in my life might not be something that works. Like, if my boyfriend felt it was important for him to have children, I'd suggest he have them with someone else who wanted them and I say that with no anger or jealousy. :)
Why did your friends start having children? What changed for them? Did they start seeing a new person?
You mentioned yourself that you didn't want another child, what made you want the second child? Why did you want to have the first child?
(I hope I don't sound rude!)

Gabriele - posted on 12/26/2013

9

0

1

I am 25 and have considered having a tubal ligation but only after my second child.

I wouldn't recommend having a ligation so young and with no children because your life will go through several different walks. I never would have even had a second child at 23 but at 25 life shifted and we decided to have another. I just know too many women who didn't want children and then ended up changing their mind or who ended up having a child and loved it so much they had 3 more!! Personally, I would do a long term kind of birth control and then make that decision with whoever you choose to spend forever with. That could be something important for him, even having just one (which is an amazing experience). You may find yourself in a situation later on too where you want one.

Just mull it over for a while (meaning a long while). You'll know of it's right or not.

Keshia - posted on 12/26/2013

6

24

0

I have a 5 week old that I'm breast feeding and giving formula to also but I'm only giving her formula when I feel like I'm not producing enough milk. I want to be able to only give her breast milk and no more formula how can I produce more.? Before I got sick with pneumonia and had to take antibodies I was producing GREAT after I was well and the dr said I can start back breast feeding I'm only pumping an oz each boob compared to the full 6 oz I was pumping per section. Help please.

Nadine - posted on 12/25/2013

31

0

0

Tegan, I'm in QC. A little random, but you sound like you're from the east coast! :D
Thank you for your reply! I'm not expecting to get this done as a procedure in the short-term; I'm weighing my options as a lot of more traditional birth control methods don't work well for me.

Thank you for the reply Michelle! What a rough scenario for your friend to be in. I do agree that right now, I'm too young to take more proactive steps towards tubal ligation. The significant thing about me is that I don't want children at all and am frankly phobic about me ever being pregnant. I've broken up with partners who have felt that I would change my mind later on because it didn't seem fair to either of us.

Jeny jan, how awful! I'm so sorry to hear that. What a difficult scenario to be in.

Jeny - posted on 12/24/2013

19

0

0

I did it I'm not happy I have kids from my previost marriage and the one I want to spend my life with love him so deeply I can't give him any children and because of that he dose not want me as his life partner ;((

Michelle - posted on 12/24/2013

4,567

8

3247

I agree with the other ladies, you are far too young to be making such a permanent decision. You still have another 20 years where you can change your mind and then regret your decision.
I had a friend get a tubal after her 2nd child when she was in her early 20's. The marriage didn't work out and when she met a wonderful guy in her 30's she wanted to have his child/ren but couldn't. She regrets the decision every day now.

[deleted account]

i'm in Canada and have childless friends in their 20s being refused them. Where abouts are you? Personally I would wait a bit longer. You could still change your mind. Doing it for yourself is one thing but doing it to stop family pressure is different. There are many ways to tell them no that are lies but not permanent lies.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms