hating my kid

Gina - posted on 06/11/2014 ( 11 moms have responded )

3

0

1

I have a 3.5 yo boy. We never bonded, I blame the 2 epidurals and spinal at bIrth.. I was so drugged up I just couldn't. When I basically came to, I recognized I was going to have problems. Yes, in the hospital I saw my kid was problematic. He didn't sleep for 2 yrs, and is a picky eater. Then came the hitting and punching. I thought it was going to be a phase. Its not. And the name calling. Also not a phase.
I've never had any help with him, although many ppl claim to have helped.
I used to spank and punish. I'm to the point now where I've completely stopped dealing with him .. I ignore him. He's only remotely nice when he wants something. Then as I fulfill his request, I'm called names.
His behavior makes me want to leave him. I fantasize about taking a bunch of pills .. I doubt he'd care either way if I'm dead or alive.. whose eye would he blacken?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/11/2014

13,207

21

2014

Perhaps you should consider not only counseling, but a parenting mentor.

You geared yourself from the beginning to not accept this child, did you EVER accept the child (in pregnancy)?

Your kid is not 'problematic', my dear, HES A CHILD. Infants, up to age two DO NOT SLEEP REGULARLY. This is not the exception, it is the rule. Children, as they grow up, will hit, scream, throw tantrums, misbehave and be horrible little monsters as a rule, UNLESS YOU PARENT THEM. Since you never even made the attempt to begin with, of course you 'hate' your kid now, because you never took the time to be a parent.

Instead of parenting, you spanked and punished, without following through. Your best bet, unfortunately, if you live in the US, is to take that precious child to a hospital, and admit that you're no parent. Give the child over to the state, and let someone who will love and care for him do so.

Onetraeh - posted on 06/11/2014

162

0

37

I think tht u should seek help for yourself immediately as doesn't sound right;maybe you're just overwhelmed & need some alone time?is your mom around or the father?I don't believe u should be spanking such a young child & plz don't ignore him!!!don't withhold love from him ever becuz he's innocent regardless of his aggressive behaviour & he doesn't deserve tht :( worst case scenario honestly if u continue to feel this way perhaps he would be better off with someone else I'm srry to say.

Aydin - posted on 06/11/2014

13

0

1

Dear mom. I have been having my problem with my girl your post showed up. I hear your pain. You have been bonded with your child no matter what when you gave birth to him. I am not the best person to give you advise here but all I can say you get help for yourself, first. Then you can help and built your relationship with your son. If he is 3.5 year old he is so little. Your son cares about you but he only knows by reacting this way to show you there is something wrong. Believe me I was the one like that toward my mother and both parents I hated them. As a child they don't speak much but kids know if mother don't love them but they react to it by not eating, being aggressive hitting, calling names etc. This is his way protecting himself from getting hurt. He knows you have bumps on the road and wants you to be strong. All I can say don't give up. He loves you so much. Have you looked into any medical treatment, this might be sometimes chemical imbalance in body or food allergy causing the way you feel. I love my daughter very much. This did not stop me thinking negative. This is a constant fight between + and -. Please, please don't give up seek for help. I found and angle here when was needed who listen to me and gives me guidance. I know you will not give up and please fight for you and him. Good luck:)

Sarah - posted on 06/11/2014

3,876

14

1082

My suggestion would be for you to get some counseling. It sounds like the bonding was not just due to the epidurals and spinal at birth. There are many people that have those and still bond and others that bond with an adoptive child that they never gave birth to and saw days after the birth. You need to look at why you did not bond beyond the medications and start to deal with that. That is probably also why you are having the feelings you currently have. Working through your past will also help you deal with the future.

Tanya - posted on 06/11/2014

287

0

27

Gina,

What Shawnn is saying is not negative...

I can't even imagine someone saying what you are saying about your child...my heart hurts for him just reading what you wrote.

He needs a family and love...you are neglectful at the moment. Shawnn's interest are in the child and not you. But I defiantly think you need help. Are you on any meds? I think you need counseling because these feelings are off.

11 Comments

View replies by

Gena - posted on 06/13/2014

303

1

655

I agree with Shawnn and Tanya. You should get help,the way you are treating your child is not right. I also dont mean this in a rude way,but you need to get help and your child deserves a loving parent,not a mother that spanks,ignores and hates her child.

Brandy - posted on 06/13/2014

10

0

2

my 6.5year-old son told me that he wanted to kick a soccer or basketball ball down my throat and that he hated me, I asked him why he said that he said because of family guy. what do you let watch on tv have you had him checked for adhd turns out my son is have you been diagnosed with any mental illness not in any way judging you I'm just saying that could be why you feel like this. I have five boys love them to death ,desperately want a girl and with my second son I thought he was a girl for 8.5 months the doctor told me that I was having a girl I almost died when I had him emergency c-section finally saved us both.just something to think about wish you all the best and your in my prayers

Aydin - posted on 06/11/2014

13

0

1

Hi Gina, don't listen to negative words. You stick to the road getting help! We'll be here to support you whenever you need but here, you cannot get professional help you need and guide you. Of course, hitting your child will make him more aggressive and is not a good way to parent him. He'll only respond to kindness and love. Since, his trust is dented with you. You will need to learn to be patient and provide nurturing loving environment for him. To be able to do this you need help! Every mother need help on every step of their motherhood time to times and this does not make you weak. We love you...keep us posted:)

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/11/2014

13,207

21

2014

Calls 'em like I see's em. I used your post to go off of.

Simple advice, either get counseling and parent mentoring, or give the child up to someone who will want him.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms