Clair - posted on 09/03/2016 ( no moms have responded yet )
I am sorry I am new to this website so sorry if I have posted in the wrong forum.
My question is has your family (husband + you + kids) ever come back and still love each other after parental alientation?
For the past 7 years, my husband has been denigrating me to my kids, mostly my eldest daughter. I never realised how bad it was until my daughter (now 25) came and told me about it.
It has altered our family in heart breaking ways and I am angry at both parties: my husband and my daughter for taking part in it.
However, I try to remember that my daughter was very young (16 - 23) when this was happening and all manners of things were being told to her. It seems he was trying to involve her in every schism and was enlisting her to pressure me into taking on more debt and mortgages thankfully I was very firm.
But he would go and vent about me to my daughter. She tells me it would usually be about 2 hour sessions when he picked them up after school and brought her on driving lessons...and thus she had no way of escape. She also had a very docile and obedient personality.....so it would have been hard for her to stand up to him. He was also very mean when she did stand up to him, calling her names like whore, putting rubbish in her food etc, and she cried alot. And perhaps his intimidation worked and she just listened to him. The end result, my daughter and I relationship went from very loving and happy to extremely tense, almost to the point of estrangement.
Her personality also changed from quiet but happy and studious to very angry, depressed (went to psychologist alot) and directionless. Looking back, I am angry that my husband never took care of her and told her things that were OUR business, not her burden to have. But I was worried that by stepping in, I would take away their father-daughter bond and I had a very close relationship with my dad.
Now the damage is done, I am angry at the whole thing. We still live in the same house and are legally married (plus have all our kids with us as well). My daughter and I are on good terms again, and she is changing back to being a sweet, kind girl. She still has a soft spot for her father...but tells him off on a regular basis and warns him to leave her younger sister out of any conflicts.
When she says this, he says he is just venting, but then she gets really mad and says that Take responsibility for your words, you are a father act like it...dont start trying to start politics within the family. And its quite scary huhu...but I am glad she stands up to him now, although she is still quite a soft child and it makes her cry afterwards.
However, the whole event has altered the way we interact, and its still hard for me to 100% 'trust' my daughter (cause she would be on his side inthe past) and really hate my husband.....for those who have gone through similar things, has your relationship with both ever gone back to normal (ie. loving and happy)? I feel like its a really hard thing to recover from because me and my daughter had fights everyday....and I feel like he really influenced that.
I am also wondering if I should one day divorce my husband (and I hope he wont try and make the kids take his side again) all in all, it has been heartbreaking journey albeit slowly recovering. Does anyone have similar experiences, and what is the best way forward?