Have you dealt with judgemental friends or losing friendships during pregnancy?

Samantha - posted on 10/16/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I am 18 weeks pregnant and have been dealing with some difficulties in my friendships.



One of my friends sent me an email (after 10 years of friendship) and proceeded to scold me for being so negative and unpleasant to be around. I was dealing with severe depression in my first trimester - and JUST came out of the "darkness". Anyway this friend wrote this email and bashed me for that - and then went into a tangent about how irresponsible I was for not planning the baby! Why would my "so called friend" do this WHILE I am pregnant?? She has a 2 year old and should know of all people.



Another best friend of mine has been acting more distant and has now befriended the girl who I mentioned above - along with another friend of mine that I had a falling out with years ago. This has all happened since I found out about my pregnancy.



WHAT is GOING on!?



It makes me so sad and has really caused so much stress in my pregnancy. Wouldn't these people have more sensitivity to a friend who is going through pregnancy?



This just baffles me.

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March - posted on 09/18/2013

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I had a classmate-turned-friend for about 2 semesters before she started taking jabs at me, the pregnancy, and my boyfriend (the dad, who I've known for 8 years and been dating for 2). During the summer I was an emotional wreck because initially I was scared and thought I absolutely had to go through with an abortion; I even made the appointment in the next town over and had plans to stay with a friend during it, but I backed out at the last minute. Well, even after I decided not to do it my "friend" still gave me her opinion on how she thinks abortion is wrong (she can't have kids, so never runs the risk of becoming pregnant anyway). She was always argumentative and opinionated, but then she started talking about my boyfriend in a condescending way because we decided not to get married right away, at least not until we could afford the nice wedding/reception we both wanted. Everyday she opined how she thought he was not man enough for me, that we should get married anyway (and she is a lesbian, so it is funny to me her liberal stance on the institution of marriage when it concerns herself). Later I told her I felt insulted when she would keep saying that he wouldn't be there for me, that I might be a single mom, that I shouldn't apply for medicaid because "people worse off than you should get it," that I should've waited, etc. Then she just blew it off saying, "I'm just expressing an opinion, whatever. I don't even care." So I argued back with her for a while but she just kept repeating that she was apathetic, didn't care, and hoped I wouldn't be a single mom (which I of course took as a backhanded comment that she just thought I was already doomed). I'm glad I don't talk to her anymore, then I found out she was dating a 16 yr old girl online for a few weeks before the teenager's dad cut her off. Anyway, I was just surprised to see such a strange reaction to pregnancy and my whole lifestyle from someone who has no clue, and who just weeks before the fight said she appreciated me for being such a thoughtful friend, lol. I can only take so much! Thankfully I haven't had any other crazy stuff happen from friends or coworkers, and only one family member has really harassed me in an annoying way, an aunt who never had kids of her own. And of course the dad has been very helpful and supportive, only a few times has he made me mad or frustrated with naive comments but he truly cares and is completely devoted to everything that will happen. I think some people get very nervous about the responsibility and just shut down the risk of being liable or having to watch the "doomed" life start, especially if the mom is still in college, like me. I'm 27 and have a much better handle on my responsibilities that most college students (currently studying Biology for pre-med). I have a lot of sympathy for anyone who loses their long-term friends or is just hurt by the negativity that people will callously throw about during such a sensitive time. Hopefully I won't be seeing any more crazies come out of the woodwork from my group of friends, but then again, in the end it isn't any of their business!

User - posted on 10/30/2012

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I'be been feeling the same way since I found out I was pregnant...my two best friends are getting married so they're also consumed with their wedding but while they're going to dress fittings I'm shopping for nursing bras. I wont lie, it stings a little when I see pictures of them at parties I wasn't invited to because I obviously cant drink. Ive talked to them about this but they think im just being silly. I'm sure a lot has to do with being hormonal. It definately is a reality check that its time to say goodbye to that girl I used to be. I know it'll be worth it when my sons born...I just hope my friends do too. No one really tells you how isolating pregnancy can feel.

September - posted on 10/16/2012

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Life changes once you become pregnant and will change even more so once your child is born. I lost friends when I became pregnant and just accepted the fact that they weren’t really friends in the first place if they could turn their backs on me so easily. Try not to let it stress you out. It if makes you feel better to talk with them about the way you're feeling then go for it. Or just let it go and move on. Congratulations on your pregnancy! ♥

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Samantha - posted on 10/31/2012

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Hey Jillian,



It really is isolating! I am feeling better now that I have embraced the situation and accepted it. Things change and people change as well - and YES once the baby is here - I have a feeling you will not give a rats ass about it. I am hoping for the same result. :)

September - posted on 10/16/2012

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You're defiantly not alone and you're in the right place to talk about it. I had really bad anxiety in my first trimester and pretty much shut the whole world out. Those that were still there once I was feeling better were the ones I knew would always be there. I hope that you're feeling better now as far as the depression goes and I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes wonderfully! I'm here if you ever want to talk. Just private message me :)

Samantha - posted on 10/16/2012

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Thank you September!



That really does help to hear. I think going through the changes of pregnancy - and not hearing or knowing about this other big change that may occur (losing friends) comes as a bit of a shock.



I feel like it's something people don't talk about. I am glad people are talking about it on here. What a big relief to know that I am not alone!



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