Have you ever lost a child?

Theresa - posted on 04/20/2010 ( 27 moms have responded )

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I lost my darling Son at the young age of 25. Can anyone out there empathize?

Please reply.



Lost in San Diego.

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Kimberly - posted on 04/21/2010

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As one Martial Arts mom to another, I am so sorry for your loss.
And as a martial artist myself, the things he learned in his Martial Arts career, tells me what an outstanding and special person he was. Courageous, honest and a protector of loved ones. Please accept my sincere sympathy. I am truely sorry

Deborah - posted on 04/21/2010

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I am so sorry for your lost...losing a child has got to be one of the hardest things in the world to face...we live for them...it does not matter how old they are ....they are still the best part of us.....My heart goes out to you....I am happy to see you are reaching out to others and that is good....it is so much easier to talk to someone you do not know about something so painful and personal...because they will listen with an open heart and they will not judge...they will offer you a shoulder and a sounding board...these are things you need....scream if you want....laugh if you can...most of all love your self...and remember all the many great times you had with him...they are only loaned to us to love, teach and care for when God wants them back he does it because he needs them and he knows you will share him ...after all he is gods biggest and best gift he gives to us...he is in your heart.....always will be....that is something you will always have your son in your heart.....Life will get easier the pain will not be so on the surface...it will get better....

Your son what a handsome young man....he lights up the room...

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Lucy - posted on 02/21/2013

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Try not to suffer his loss but to celebrate the 25 wonderful years you had together on this Earth and know he's watching over you from Heaven.

Joanne - posted on 02/21/2013

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I know exactly what you are going through. I lost my son when he was nine years old and he was on the bus on his way home from school when it happened. He would have been 17 this year. It is the worst thing any parent has to go through and the pain never goes away, but it does get easier to live with as time passes. I had a wonderful support sysytem and I went to grief therapy with other mothers who had also lost their sons and they helped me a great deal.
I am sorry for your loss. Your child is supposed to bury you not the other way around, it's backwards. My thoughts are with you. Take care. It will get easier to deal with.

Debbi - posted on 02/20/2013

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I lost my 23 year old daughter Nina . She took her own life 115 days ago. I am broken and the pain is unbearable! My support system has been mainly my family! My oldest daughter, my mom, dad, sisters, brother, and their families! My sisters and daughter have had a group text since that horrible day in October. Over 30000 text. We check in several times a day and talk frequently. They are 760 miles away from me. This is so hard to get through. It has changed me. My husband ( her stepdad) has been my rock. If I bust out crying he will be there to hold me. I just don't how to manage the pain!! Will I ever not cry? She also left behind a 3 year old. It saddens me that he will never know her like we did. All we can do is keep her memory alive and keep pictures of her everywhere! When he sees them he says " that's my mom, I love her" 👼

Angie - posted on 07/01/2011

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Hello Theresa, I would like to extend to you my deepest sorrows. I too have lost my son, he was 22 when he passed and it's been now 4 years and 8 days since he's been gone.. so i know what you are going thru and what you will still be going thru.. It's still very hard to believe that he is still gone.. some days are good and some days are very bad... His name is Justin and I do have a granddaughter, which i have to fight for.. for visitation.. you would think that she would want me to see her.. he was my only child.. So i can empathize with you.. from my heart to yours.I will be praying for you to give you strength.. If ever you would like to talk my email is aleek_07@hotmail.com

Kendra - posted on 04/27/2010

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Hello. My name is Kendra and I lost my son, Jacob, to a hit and run driver on April 20, 20007. He was two months shy of being 4 yrs old. He would be almost 7 now..and it seems to get easier, but as time goes on I think it gets sadder in a way too. What caught my attention to your post was the date you posted it. It was the three year anniversary of his death. I'm sorry for your loss and I hope you find the support you need.

Theresa - posted on 04/27/2010

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Hi Julie,
I did not know that you had lost a child at 3 months--I am so sorry. Yes, my Son, Garrett, was 25 when he passed on--I don't think that it matters what age a child is, it is still devastating for a parent. You're right; they are supposed to outlive us. I never wanted to lose a child, I thought it would be the worst thing in the world. It has been very tough; I don't think that you ever really get over it; I think that you just build scar tissue around your heart so that you can move on with life. I am so proud of you going back to school and making changes in your life to better yourself. I went back to college when I was 30 and I had two little kids. They were both very supportive when I had to do homework! You keep plugging away; I know that you will do well in whatever you do.

Thanks much for the kind and encouraging words.

Peace and Love to You, my Friend,
Theresa

Julie - posted on 04/27/2010

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Like i mention before I have lost a child but deff not as old. My daughter was around 3 months and past in 2005. I still to this day wish I could of change something to prevent it, but as people tell me it happen for a reason. Which I don't always buy. I still think about how she would be right her age and wonder all the time what she look like. So I have a slight idea the pain your going through and I know it hurts and it seems like you will never get over it, which in some cases for me that is how i feel sometimes, even though its been so long.

All I can say is I know your a strong person and it will hurt but you have many loved ones around and even not in the same place, that care for you. We are all here in our own way. I know loosing any type of love one is hard but to loose a child to me is the hardest because they are suppose to out last us. So my heart goes out to you in your pain of your loss. It will take time, not to hurt as much, but it will to me never be fully gone.

If you need just to talk I am always open to listen. I know I am good at that.

Theresa - posted on 04/26/2010

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Hi Andrea,
Thanks so much for your heartfelt words. I am so sorry to hear about your little angel leaving this earth, and yet know that she is going to God. Regardless of your spiritual persuasion, I know that there is a God and he is loving all the little angels. As far as my Son who was 25 when he went to heaven, I believe that he is there helping God to care for others. I truly believe that the good die young. We have pain in our hearts because we are still attached to this earth, however, I can't help but believe that there is something better in heaven. I just know it.
I am sure that God, in his way, has a plan for your little one, and for you as well. As far as our earthly ways, I can tell you that I agree with you, we will never be the same. If you have other children, you appreciate them more than you ever have even if that was a lot. There is a wide gaping hole in my heart that will never be healed. I am lost without my Darling Son, Garrett. However, I do believe that God gives us the strength to build scar tissue so that we may live with the living, and make loving impact on others. That is what you have done for me.

Post Script:
My Dear Mother lost a Son named, "Gary" who was my Son's namesake when he was 5 weeks old. She misses him always. Today would have been his 49th birthday.

Peace and Love to You,
Theresa

Theresa - posted on 04/26/2010

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Hi Sarah,
Thanks so much for the kind and encouraging words. I cannot tell you how much it means to me, and to my Son. See, my Son was very protective of me, and so I know that he is smiling and feeling warm right now because he knows that other kind spirits are giving me words of love and strength!
Be well. Enjoy every minute of every day (yes, even when they're crying!) I can tell you that it goes by at mach speed...
Peace and Love, Theresa

Andrea - posted on 04/24/2010

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I'm so sorry for your loss...there is no other pain like losing a child.

My son died at 2 days old last April. I have never experienced a loss that hurt this much.

I had to laugh at your statement about rather losing 2 limbs because I lost my leg 4 years ago and you're absolutely right...I'd rather lose my other leg than lose another child. Grief is such a long process and I have come to the realization that I will never be the same.

Good luck to you :)

Sarah - posted on 04/24/2010

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Theresa, you are so strong. There are no words that could describe the heartache, im sure. You seem so brave to me and you are an inspiration to other moms who may have lost a child. I was told my little girl wouldnt survive in utero, and spent months crying and praying(not religious even!), and i was fortunate enough that the doctors were wrong. The ache i felt couldnt compare to your loss, but it sounds like you gave the world such a blessing for 25 years, your son. Take Care, love.

Theresa - posted on 04/22/2010

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Thanks so much, Kimberly.

Garrett was an instructor with White Dragon Clairemont (San Diego) and had been so for ~8 years. He was/is a special young man, and I know he's in God's arms now. I still miss his laughter, and the way his 1000 watt smile lights up a room. I talk with him often; I know he's okay, but it's hard sometimes...

Peace and Love to You,

Theresa

Theresa - posted on 04/22/2010

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Hello Deborah,

Thanks so much for the kind words and insightful encouragement. It is true, I do talk about my Son, especially whenever, I have a fond memory of him. I am a college professor, and I even tell my students about him sometimes. I don't talk about his death because that is too painful for me, and it was painful for him. I like to celebrate his life because he touched many people in the short time. I posted this before, but I like Lincoln's saying, "It's not the years in your life, but the life in your years."

Peace and Love to You,
Theresa

Theresa - posted on 04/21/2010

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Thanks so much, Joanna.

Yes, it has been very tough. The only way I can describe this is, a huge gaping hole in your heart. There is no way to heal this--there is only scar tissue that forms--so that you can go on with life. Enjoy every moment of your children's lives...it goes faster than you realize.

Peace and Love, T.

Theresa - posted on 04/21/2010

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Hi Becky,
Thanks so much for your kind words...it is the worst thing...I would rather lose two limbs (sorry to be graphic) than to lose my child. I don't wish it on my worst enemy. Take good care of those children--the time goes by fast.
Peace and Love, Theresa

Theresa - posted on 04/21/2010

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Thanks much, Louise. My Son was, and is, still loved by many friends, colleagues, and students. He was a Martial Artist, and he taught students from very young to super seniors. He was a young man of few words, but he had so much to give this world. I like the words of Abraham Lincoln--it's not the years in your life, but the life in your years. My Son brought joy to his family, as well as kindness and mentoring to many...

Peace and Love, T.

Theresa - posted on 04/21/2010

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Thanks so much, Nikkole. I do think that any child you lose is important.
Keep strong for your other kids and enjoy every moment.
Peace and Love, T.

Becky - posted on 04/21/2010

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I am so so sorry for your loss. Losing one of my boys is my absolute worst fear. Hold on to the beautiful memories you have of him. You are in my thoughts!

Louise - posted on 04/20/2010

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I sort of understand what you are feeling. I have had three miscarriages that have caused me such pain. But this was nothing like the loss of my sister in law who was 32 when she died of skin cancer. The entire family was so deeply affected. It sent a shock wave through the community that a young women leaving two very young children behind had died. It is now 13 years later and in my mind her funeral was yesterday with over 200 people packed into a tiny church all totally stunned that this had happened. My mother in law is still deeply depressed and talks about her daughter every day. I don't think as a mother you will ever get over the shock of burrying your child. All I can say is the pain does fade away and you are left with just your pleasant memories. You will be able to move on eventually with your son firmly in your heart. I am so sorry for your loss. Only time will help you now to heal and start living your life again. My thoughts are with you! xx

Nancy - posted on 04/20/2010

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First off I am very sorry for your loss. I just losted my daughter in November of 2009. She was only 13 days. It is the worst thing in the world for a mother to lose a child. I still have my son who will be 2 in October. He helped me and my husband get through it because he is all we have left. I promise that it does get easier but the pain never goes away. You will have your times when you're down but just remember all the good memories you have of your child. What i did was bought a keepsakebox and put pictures of her in it along with her hospital braclets. Just different things that remind you of him. Put whatever you want in it. Not meaning to be rude but at least you had him for 25 yrs. I only had my little girl for 13 days. I hope this helps you.

Joanna - posted on 04/20/2010

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I've never personally experienced this, but I can't even imagine... the thought of losing a child is worse than thoughts of dying personally, because we put all our love and devotion into our children.

My best friend lost her child 2 years ago, she was 32 weeks pregnant and he was stillborn. And just experiencing her grief with her was devestating. So all my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Nikkole - posted on 04/20/2010

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i am so sorry. I had a miscarrige three years ago. i know thats not the same, but thats the closest i have come to lossing a child. you are in my prayers!

Theresa - posted on 04/20/2010

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Thanks so much, Ronni. I appreciate your encouragement. He was a Great Kid! His name is Garrett James, and that is him in the picture.

Congrats on your first child--the time will go fast--love every moment...
Peace and Love Mother Theresa

Ronni - posted on 04/20/2010

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I haven't ever lost a child, I just had my first child August 2009! So I don't know what your going through but I don't want to say I'm so sorry for your lost! I bet he was a wonderful son! Sorry I'm not much help but I just wanted to say that I am sorry for your lost and you're in my prayer!

Ronni Carter!

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