Having a hard time being a SAHM with no one to talk to. Need someone to relate.

Suzanne - posted on 07/08/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Okay, first off, my kids are great and I love them to death. It's just that my husband is now away most of the time working, which has left the task of caring for the children (and going to college) all on me. When this first started I thought that I would be able to handle it, but now I just feel like I'm about to have a nervous break down.
Connor, my two year old boy, is defiant. Well, defiant is really an understatement. And on top of that he is super intelligent which doesn't help when I'm trying to outsmart him and get him to behave. And not only is he defiant, but he also has an unlimited supply of energy, which I personally have NONE of. I spend my days saying, "NO!" and "STOP!" until I feel like my head is going to pop off from the pressure-- he has no respect for me and doesn't listen to a word I say. Instead, he usually ends up doing the exact opposite of what I've told him to do. It's so frustrating it gives me tension headaches.
He is constantly getting into trouble-- trying to climb into the oven, climbing the shelves in the pantry, getting into cabinets, breaking things, jumping off of things, running out of the front door (he can unlock doors, hop baby gates, and bypass the child-proof doorknobs), and the list goes on and on. I've tried time-outs-- they don't seem to be working. I've also tried popping him on the hand to get his attention-- doesn't phase him. The only one thing that I have noticed that works slightly to get his attention is telling him his sister is going to be rewarded for good behavior and he is not, because he's behaving badly. Once that happens he gives me the, "How could you?" face and wails until his face turns red.
I already suffer from panic disorder and anxiety (which was brought on about three months after Connor was born) and I am just at my wits end. I don't know how much more I can handle. My sons behavior has really put me on edge and sometimes I just want to run away. I try to talk to my husband about it but he doesn't get it. He thinks I've got it made in the shade compared having to work. Also, we currently only have one vehicle so I'm stuck at home 5-6 days of the week, PLUS I have no friends. So on top of everything else I'm also going stir crazy and I'm emotionally starved! I'm starting to think I'm losing my mind.

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Suzanne - posted on 07/09/2012

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Kim,
Seriously, it sounds like we're living the exact same life. I suffer from mood swings too-- sometimes I think that I don't know who I am anymore, and that if I could just get a little bit of time to myself-- time to sleep, think, meditate, be imaginative-- that I would find that person I used to be. I know she's in there somewhere..

Thank you so much, I really appreciate your reply and I hope you know that you aren't alone either. I know what it feels like to be anxious, upset, lonely, about to break down-- and all of that lovely fun stuff. And just like you all of my friends disappeared slowly but surely. Even some of the mom friends I have I don't talk to too much-- because they're always busy with their own kids. lol.

I know the whole rewarding good behavior thing works. I've been using positive reinforcement to potty-train my son Connor. And even though he's a trouble maker he is also a little sweetheart. It's just during the day when he's bouncing off the walls and I'm fighting to stay awake and not freak out about something is when I feel like I'm going to lose it. I can't be lazy though, I know if I want to see the results I have to put in the work.. just like exercising.. lol. I need to get back into doing that. It always puts me in a good mood.

Have you tried exercising or meditation for your mood swings? I'm only asking because I have them too and I have found that those two things actually do calm me down (not many things do). If you can find the time for it, you should try it. Since you're pregnant you might just want to start off with meditation, though.

Oh, and I don't blame you for not being able to take your little one out to play-- it's way too hot! I've been feeling guilty about that too because my apartment complex has an awesome playground and my kids always want to play, but it's just too damn hot and miserable out here in southern ca. It makes me feel like an ass. My hope is to move into my own home soon (which is finally a possibility for me) where I can have a back yard and let my kids run wild as much as they want.

I love how you mentioned, "and this too shall pass." I need to remind myself of that more often. It's definitely lifting my spirits right now thinking of it. Or maybe that's just because there is finally peace and quiet in my house (at 1am) and I have time to breathe. Either way, it's still a good feeling, haha.

Hope to talk to you more in the future!

Kim - posted on 07/08/2012

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Suzanne, I really want you to know that you are not alone AT ALL. I have a 9 month old and am currently pregnant with baby #2. My fiancee works and I am alone EVERYDAY with no car (for the most part) I live in a 1 bedroom apartment and the temp. has been way TOO hot to even take my son for a walk outside. I suffer from horrible anxiety, mood swings & bipolar disorder. I constantly feel stressed and my heart always races. Lots of days I want to give up or just want a BREAK. I had friends before I got pregnant but now I've maybe seen one or two of them maybe 2-4 times since my son has been BORN. I also have no one to talk to, and def. no one to relate to what I am going through.

A word of advice from watching my mother with my nieces and nephews... you mentioned your son gets quiet when you mention rewarding his sister for good behavior, this sounds like something my mom used to do. Maybe start rewarding your son when he does good things and it will make him want to do them more often?

Like I said just please know that you are not alone. Everyday I feel like I dread getting up which sounds extremely selfish but it's the SAME THING everyday. Lots of moms will suggest that you find a "moms group" or whatever... which let's be real... what are the chances of moms like us actually getting to those, ya know?
Anyway keep your head up and hopefully you and I both can listen to the old "this too shall pass" and maybe one day our spirits will be lifted? who knows.

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