Having a hard time dealing with the fact that my 12 year old daugther has a low i.q.

Lisa - posted on 10/18/2009 ( 109 moms have responded )

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I have been fighting for years to have test run on my daughter, I have always known there was something different about her. In California they assured me that the test were done and it was her just being a "Difficult"child.This so called difficult child also has adhd, bipolar and many, many learning disabilities.
I want her to get the best in her education that is possible, but i was not ready for the meeting that i was called into on thursday. that was a surprise to me. To find out that your child has a very low I.Q. Is shocking but also makes it hard to deal with.
I guess i am wondering is there anyone with the same issues?

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Bobbi Jean - posted on 01/21/2013

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If you can find a copy, please read the book PRACTICAL INTELLIGENCE. There are different ways of being smart. Every person is different and we are each smart or gifted in our own way.

[deleted account]

No doubt you were kidding when you asked where I live, but let me answer by saying that were I live there is a pediatric occupational therapist who specializes in sensory deficits, autism, ADD, ADHD, etc. She has explored with some satisfying results with music therapy. The music had to be specially modulated and listened to on CD with headphones. My son did this while doing his lessons back in the 5th/6th grade (home schooled). Another tactic that seemed to help was allowing him to chew gum. Instead of using red ink to check his work, I let him choose what colored gel pens for what subjects; he really liked that option. These small adjustments got us thru his most difficult year. Furthermore, he was referred to a behavioral optometrist, a specialty I had never heard of. He was tested thoroughly, took about 2 hours or so, and the written results were mailed, and then the specialist followed up with a phone call to me. In my son's case, no further action was required. It was also determined that he had an auditory processing deficit: he could hear fine, but it would get lost after he heard it. I learned to break down what I was saying to him, one thing at a time, have him repeat it back, and later on, 7th-8th gr., I would write down the instructions. By the time he reached 9th gr, he had found his stride and took off with his high school curriculum, most of which was college level, except for his math, finishing only algebra I. My point is you might have to dig, ask a ton of questions from all reliable sources you know (from other moms to physicians). And, of course, that's why we have Circle of Moms! I will tell you I live in the Piedmont of North Carolina. This state has a LOT of resources for learning disabilities. By the way, I always involved my son in most discussions that had to do with his behavior/learning. I never labeled him; he understood only that he was an exceptionally bright boy who was wired differently, learned differently, and that Mom was trying to figure out how she could best facilitate him. It wasn't all rosy; there were some arduous days, but we would just get right back to the drawing board the next morning. I truly wish you well.

CHRISTEANA - posted on 10/21/2009

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MY 8 YEAR OLD SON. HAS BI-POLAR & ADHD. THIS IS HIS SECOND YEAR ON MEDS, FOCALIN & RESPERDAL, THE SCHOOLS ARE QUICK TO LABEL AS BAD CHILD..BUT YOU HAVE TO PUSH & PUSH THE ISSUE . WHEN THEY REFUSED TO TEST MY CHILD I WENT TO THE SCHOOL BOARD.. REQUESTS COPY OF THE TESTS & DOCUMENT EVERYTHING! , YOU CAN HAVE YOUR OWN DOCTOR DO THE TEST AS WELL OR SEE & PSYCHOLOGIST ON YOUR OWN. I EVENTUALLY DID THAT & TOOK THE TESTS TO THE SCHOOL DISTRICT .IF YOU WANT MORE INFO & TIPS SEND ME A MESSAGE

LaChelle - posted on 01/15/2013

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Sounds like you just have to find different ways to help her learn. Reach her on her level. I dont know much about adhd or bipolar disorder but most children learn one similarly and then you have special children who nees special learning. They just need to be reached at their level, make it interesting for them. I definitely wouldn't tell her she has low IQ. Every child has something that they excel at, the hard part is finding what it is. I'm sure she has a colorful imagination, use that to reach her. You may be surprised once you have found a way to help her reach her full potential as to how smart and imaginative she truly is. She's just a little lost but she wants to learn things and be just like other kids.

April - posted on 10/30/2009

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Lisa, I'm entering this thread late, but wanted to encourage you with a few things: I applaud Sharon Grey's and Pam Simmons-DeBease's replies. Your search for answers and solutions for your daughter will be especially challenging, but when you get that occasional "Ah HA!" moment, it's so very gratifying! So many of our kids have "magic buttons" for what works best for them. I was a member of a parent advocacy group whose motto is "What's best for your child is what makes the choice right."

Regarding IEP's, I am a parent of a 14-year-old who has them and am also a parent advocate for other families who are lost when it comes to navigating them. A few tips:

1) FIND YOURSELF AN ADVOCATE! This person should be able to take notes for you, jot down questions you may have so you don't forget later, and may occasionally pipe up on your behalf. Clearly, they need to be someone who can be assertive without being rude who really knows you and your daughter.
2) Bring food to every single IEP! Sounds goofy, but it goes a long way toward breaking down any walls with "the other side," even if they're friendly. Morning IEP's can have bagels, donuts, fruit, etc. and afternoon IEP's are great for cheese/cracker/meat trays or other hearty finger foods. And always bring a bag of assorted chocolate candy (trust me on this one). You'll be surprised at how much more approachable (and sometimes agreeable) your IEP team can be when they have something in their tummies.

3) Never ever allow yourself to feel intimidated because this is not about anyone except your child who can't advocate for herself yet.

4) Familiarize yourself with IEP laws, both Federal and for your local state. You can find an excellent resource book here: www.wrightslaw.com Additionally, you can probably check out many of their materials at your local library. I highly recommend From Emotions To Advocacy. It will help move your family from nervous, intimidated, uninformed, or down-right freaking out to empowerment in easy-to-understand layman's terms.

Please feel free to contact me via FB to ask any questions. If I don't have the answers, I will find them for you or send you in the proper direction.

I wish your family the very best.

Sincerely,
April Kenney-Kauth

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Fiore - posted on 01/15/2013

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I dont think you should tell her that she has low iq. You can xplain to her that each human being is different, so she learns slower and in different way.. telling.a child you are slow , specially at that age can be dangerous.... My sister was the slowest of all. It was very very frustrating to deal with her. She begun reading books after books. She is in her first semester of college a very smart girl she has more of behavior issues now. We never know how things can change.. Have you child Read as much as possible, but never as, " u must learn or read". They tend to block themselves.I'm struggling myself. I have a child who has lower IQ. I think she will have a lower IQ now, but she will change in the future. I, personally will never tell her the whole deal. I don't want her to have an excuse for the rest of herlife. I am currently studying in order to help her in the future. I struggled with the language ,since English is not my mother tongue, and school and ofcourse my 2 kids. I believe the more education I have, the more options my kids will have .ofcourse she doesn't know why I'm doing things.. I will never tell her. I want her to do things on her own ,but I will always he behind her, if god keeps me alive . Before any meeting do your research. Ask for details, if you don't agree, let them know. Remember she is your child, not theirs. They are getting paid each. Time you meet with them.. You ask, you tell them what you would like. For that you have to know your rights. By numbers if possible. She is 12 now. I don't understand why now? lower IQ is visible in the first grades of school. You had the right to request a psycho evaluation from the school district.IQ test as well. We, as mothers do know when something its not right. I knew it since my child was born, still they told me to wait. When she was kicked out from school for behavior. I started all.. all in all, be strong she needs you, and be always prepared for meetings.

Sherry - posted on 11/06/2009

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I am a nurse lots of times parnets are told this keep looking I am sorry to say Drs. will make this choice so thay do not have to deal

[deleted account]

I don't know how many of you are familiar with the work of Temple Grandin, who is herself a high functioning autistic woman, now in her 60's. If you are interested, I think if you go to BookTV, C-Span, on the web, you might be able to download this past Sunday's InDepth 3 hour interview---she is amazing. I first learned about her, also thru BookTV in the early 90's. She has written several books, which are listed. Her one on talent development is one of her most recommended. I think many of you moms will be encouraged if you check her out!

[deleted account]

Hi Riannon~~ to an earlier post of yours, I DO agree: do not rule out meds, especially if they are effective! You ladies are going to get tired of me saying this, but, in the case of my son, Ritalin was introduced, even tho' the doc did not see any symptoms of ADD or ADHD. My son took one pill on the 1st day of dosage, and unfortunately I had to leave him with another home schooled family for several hours. Unfortunate bc I could not monitor him, but I trusted this mom and she was informed with my son's understanding. As he popped the pill into his mouth, he said, rather defiantly, this is NOT going to make any difference! When I returned to pick him up, my mom friend said she observed absolutely no change. My son said he felt no difference, except for a slight decrease in appetite, and he asked to not take any more pills. That was easy to comply with, and his ped concurred.

Regarding a more recent entry of yours re: blank stares, my son had several blank moments staring, or glazing over, and I thought he was "pulling dense," as I charged him with. It was years before I was informed that his blank stares were mini-seizures! OMG, did I feel guilty. His last glazed over experience was when he was abt 12 yrs, and that time he collapsed---scary. An MRI was done on his brain determining there was no epilepsy, but there were faint white lines the doc said represented several mini seizures. As far as I know, that was his last one. He went on to graduate this past June as a B+ student, become a lifeguard for the past 3 yrs, has saved his $$ to get a passport and plane ticket to take an 8 month South Pacific trip! Really, so much is worked out according to the child's ability, parents' attentive, sensitive efforts, a network of supportive persons, and a lot of prayer. I believe this is true even with more severe cases of challenges. I am not a born optimist, frankly just the opposite, but I do believe in hard work, research, constant examining and evaluating, throwing out what doesn't work, and maximize what does. My best regards to you...

Riannon - posted on 10/31/2009

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Quoting Cheryl:

Being a mom of children from 32 to 8 I would say first get another opinion. You state that you have been told "by 3 behavior therapist" are they all school related? I would find out how all the problems are working together. What I mean by that is you said she has adhd and is bipolar are they under control with medication? Could the bipolar medication be slowing down her thinking process? Medications have effects on not just the symptom such as bipolar but may be interacting with medication for adhd. I would suggest finding someone who can treat all the issues and not just one. I'd bet with the proper treatment plan (medication, life learning, and education learning) you would find things are better than you think right now. I believe strongly that every child can learn in the right environment. Don't just let the schools "tag" your child with learning problems. I feel for you right now. It's hard when a parent hears things about their children that are out of our control to "fix". However, when I have been placed in those situations, I find encouragement in arming myself with as much information as I can hold in my brain at the same time, I keep trying to encourage my child to do everything to "their best ability". And then I start fighting to get my child placed in the right learning environment. The blank staring into place can be from the bipolar. Don't give up! Love your daughter and make sure she knows your in her corner. And do what your doing look for support groups and people in the "know". Good luck and God Bless


"The blank staring into place can be from the bipolar." 



I don't think I understand.  The child is zoning out and that is a symptom of the bipolar?

Heather - posted on 10/27/2009

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Lisa, your comment regarding a "deer in the headlights" look doesn't correlate with the issues that you mentioned. Is it possible that your child has either mild Autism or Aspergers. It would be worth asking about. Surely if your child has so many learning disabilities and a low IQ - you must have been aware of it. You live with her - be honest with yourself and then the specialists as we often have to describe how our children usually act, not just in a doctor's office.
Best of luck, Heather

Lisa - posted on 10/27/2009

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i am not offended at all. It's hard to figure out what is going on, to even process this was mentally a task. but i think i have a clue, and i am re-thinking how i talk or ask of my child. All this advice has been helpful from everyone.. It's nice to know what other mothers are out there to help each other threw things.. and that is wonderful... Thank you again.

[deleted account]

Hi Lisa,
IQ tests are very limited in scope. I am a music teacher and I can tell you that I have students who can read music better than they can read the English language. Support her with the things she enjoys and you will find her gift. Every child is special. You know her better than anyone else does. Use that to your advantage.

Cheryl - posted on 10/27/2009

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No matter how good a mom you are there are just things we don't know. It doesn't matter if your a mom for a month or for years, there are things we miss. There is no training to be a mom it is all on the job training. What you have gone through as a mother is your training and each mom has a different set of training. I think you should be commended for knowing in your heart something wasn't right. As her mother know your inner strength will lead you where you need to go and what to do. Fall on your faith (no matter what it is) to keep you strong. Believe in yourself and in your daughter. No matter what the diagnosis is or what her struggles may be just know that you are doing everything in your power to do whats best for her. I wish there was a magic button that could be pushed to give you the answers you search for. Just know that there are moms who will listen to you when you need it. For me it would also be my faith that gets me through the budens. Years ago I was told my youngest son had cystic fibrousis and I prayed long and hard and while my prayer was answer that he didn't have the disease. However not all of our prayers are answered in the way we would want. What I pray for you is that you is that you receive the comfort in your heart to know you are a good mom and the strength and knowledge to know how to best raise your daughter. I wish there was more that I could say to take away the confusion I hear in your words. Just know you have done everything possible and that you will continue to do so. When the road gets rough to walk, know you are not alone on this path. I hope I haven't offended you with my thoughts of faith, but it is truely what gets me through my darkest hours.

Lisa - posted on 10/27/2009

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no the 3 specialist are not from the school. At this time she has been off the medicine of 8 1/2 months.
I don't see my child as any different then i did before. I think as a mom, when you are told in certain areas that you have to push your child to do something that at that time you think the child is just not wanting to do it and they can if they just sit there and try. Then you get news that sheds light on to what you thought you know, then it all starts to click.. its not that she could do it. it's that she didn't know what to do, with all the instructions you might have tired to give her to guide the task. the reason she stared blankly at the page is because mentally she didn't get it. she couldn't get at that point. You really take a look at all the flustration you might have had and start to feel bad.. why didn't i know is the main question.. i have now.

Cheryl - posted on 10/27/2009

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Being a mom of children from 32 to 8 I would say first get another opinion. You state that you have been told "by 3 behavior therapist" are they all school related? I would find out how all the problems are working together. What I mean by that is you said she has adhd and is bipolar are they under control with medication? Could the bipolar medication be slowing down her thinking process? Medications have effects on not just the symptom such as bipolar but may be interacting with medication for adhd. I would suggest finding someone who can treat all the issues and not just one. I'd bet with the proper treatment plan (medication, life learning, and education learning) you would find things are better than you think right now. I believe strongly that every child can learn in the right environment. Don't just let the schools "tag" your child with learning problems. I feel for you right now. It's hard when a parent hears things about their children that are out of our control to "fix". However, when I have been placed in those situations, I find encouragement in arming myself with as much information as I can hold in my brain at the same time, I keep trying to encourage my child to do everything to "their best ability". And then I start fighting to get my child placed in the right learning environment. The blank staring into place can be from the bipolar. Don't give up! Love your daughter and make sure she knows your in her corner. And do what your doing look for support groups and people in the "know". Good luck and God Bless

Mary-Ann - posted on 10/26/2009

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Hi Lisa

I don't see why they say that she is a difficult child. You have a unique child, with a struggle here and there. Please read Ps. 139: 14 - I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.



Be asure that she was fearfully and wonderfully made. Give her as much love and attention as you can. If you can manage to do schoolwork with fer, it will also help a lot. Do things with her. Sometimes teachers are not patient enough with our children, then we as parents have to go the extra mile. Ask her to teach you something from her schoolwork, even if you know the answer play along. I nkow it may be time consuming, but it will pay off.

You are in my prayers.

Linda - posted on 10/24/2009

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Get your child on a good nutritional diet. The only way one can get it today is by supplementing your diet. The fruit and veg is not the same as years ago. With all the preservatives, processing and radiation, its just not the same. The long storage times and the air, land and sea pollution is all contributing to the fact that little of the nutrition is left in the fruit and veg, once it gets to your door. Get to your nearest Herbalife distributor, because boy, did that work for my child. Another very important thing, make sure your child drinks enough water. The brain consists of 90% water, that is why so many of us suffer from headaches. Your child can have one too, and they will not know they have one, we drink painkillers to help instead of just drinking more water. I know if I suffer from a headache, I am very moody and the last thing I want to do is to concentrate. This you can do for free and the whole family can benefit from a healthier lifestyle, just by drinking enough water. For adults it is 2 liters per day/ a 250ml glass for every 10 kilos you weigh, for children I would say 500 ml to 1 liter. Then you can get the Herbalife Nutritional Shake to get all the nutrition your body needs. Good luck to a better and healthier life. You can get the best tutors the best learning methods, but without the correct amount of nutrients you will not get the best results that you possibly can. Did you know that 70% of ALL Doctor's visits are diet related or due to poor nutrition.

Linda - posted on 10/24/2009

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First of all, don't blame yourself or your husband for any of your sons behavior. He cannot help how he acts. I know. I suffer from bipolar and sometimes it takes over and I do and say things I have no control over. Meds help, but he has to experiment with his meds doctor to get the right combination. Bipolar is very hard on a relationship. I hope you husband and you can keep it together and love one another knowing it is out of your control and do not blame yourselves. I also had a difficult child before I ever became bipolar or at least diagnosed with it. She did practically tear our marriage apart and disrupted the whole family unit. I had two other girls, one older and one younger and they were the sweetest things. Now she is the sweetest person you would want to meet. Time will hopefully heal your son. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I've been there. Linda

Kerrie - posted on 10/23/2009

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My son is ADHD and bipolar. He is 7. He had been kicked out of school and the after school program because he cannot be good and they cannot stand him. My mom and my step dad took him because me and my husband are so fed up with him. We are at our wits end. He is on medications. But my mom has him in councling and in a good school. he is doing the same stuff. I so hope it gets better.

[deleted account]

Thanks for the info. She hasnt had any other outbreaks i honeslty think she was reacting to the dog shampoo she was using on the dogs. But not anymore i told her to stop and since then shes been fine..=)

Staci - posted on 10/23/2009

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Mt son went through something similar, he was diagnosed with ADHD in first grade (he's now 13, and in 8th grade) we did decide to use Metadate CD, then Concerta and now last year he was back on Metadate CD. In 5th grade his IQ was also tested and was very low. Both his father and I argued that because of his ADHD, and reading difficulties, giving a child a standardized test like that was not a fair representation of his IQ, so his teacher had helped him with the reading aspectes of the test, not reading to him, but allowing him to take the test in muliple steps, not all at once, as his frustration would cause him to give up and just guess instead of taking the time and reading the test. In the end his IQ is normal, and he was allowed to receive additional corrective reading assistance. Now in 8th grade, he is still in additional reading classes, but no longer takes any medication and will be up to reading at grade level by the end of this year. He does not have any additional learning disabilities, just dealing with the ADHD. I would request the school system give her additional help with the IQ test.

Karen - posted on 10/23/2009

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I live in Michigan & if a parent requests testing the school is legally bound to test within 3-4 weeks. Sometimes schools do not want to test. My husband & I had our son tested at a local hospital which was quite expensive with some insurance coverage. The testing done at the hospital was very extensive - more so than the school testing. Good Luck.
karengail

Cindy - posted on 10/23/2009

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Make sure all the diagnoses are correct, see other specialest.. Make the school system work for you. Dont just opt to putting your child on medications. Two of my sons were ADHD and the first one they had me keep him on ritalin for way to long, of course I did all the research at the time that was avaliable to me but he suffers today for it. He has become bipolar because of it and it is a known fact it will shrink the brain stem. Then my next child 7yrs later was diagnosed with ADHD and here we go again they wanted to put him on meds and I refused and had to go as far as calling the education board in Nashville TN to get the school system to work with him and for him but it did and now he is doing very well without any meds. So be very careful what you do and who you listen to. RESEARCH RESEARCH RESEARCH!

Tara - posted on 10/22/2009

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I have been through the ringer with my son as well.. He was a normal healthy baby boy and toddler, it wasn't really an issue until he started kindergarten when all the RED flags went up ADHD.. He had suffered several feverable seizures and the Dr. promised it would not cause brain damage but he did diagnose him ADHD @ 4yrs old & I refused to put him on meds, I believed he was just an active boy. Then of course when he started school they made it very difficult to NOT put him on meds as he was disrupting the class & what have you. We have been through every med possible @ every dose possible. He is in ESE, I request IEP meetings every 6mths, hes been held back 2xs currently in 4th grade @ 11yrs old, reading on a 1st /2nd grade level and this is on meds.. I just found a Dr. who believes he can help, he is a Neurologist that practices as a Chiropractor cause he believes in alternative meds. He explained to me over the phone that the brain functions in so many different ways, of course left & right trigger different processes and each child has different respones to different things.. We have an appointment with him on Nov 3 and I am very excited to see what he has to offer, so NO don't give up keep fighting, I will continue to keep you informed on any new possible info.. I am a fighter myself, I was diagnosed with Scleroderma @ the age of 14 and pronounced dead twice and I am now 35 and kicking butt to get my sons life as joyful as the LORD promises..
All my prayers are with you, just know your not alone..

Valoree - posted on 10/22/2009

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i have 15 yr old son who refuses to work in school. he has been bused out of the school district to attend a special education school. now i have problems with the district in which we live. any way he does poorly on all his tests and his work, although i and his teachers feel he is very smart. if you looked at his school work you'd think he was stupid (although i don't like that word). he is labeled, and has a severe case of AD/HD along with some kind of emotional problems.

again i think my son is very smart, although any kind of test he takes shows he is the opposite. i think alot is the child on how they want to handle or engage in their activities that are given to them.

[deleted account]

Don't buy it. I.Q. tests are flawed at best, and allowing your child to be labeled predetermines her life for her. Many people have a tough road to travel, but they should get the chance to walk it, rather than be forced down another path by the opinions of others. She may be intellectually challenged, but that doesn't mean she won't contribute to the world and live a full, beautiful life. Give her the chance.

Anna - posted on 10/22/2009

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Hello Lisa, I am 25 years old and dyslexic as they come, I graduated from high school with a 3.93 gpa, i have 3 beautiful boys, and i am very happy with my life. my parents had a miserable time when i was a child trying to figure out what was wrong with me because i could read until i was 8. they finally tested me for dyslexia and bingo. I do not have a low I.Q. but i did learn very differently and still do, i had to learn a new way to look at things. i used to see letters backwards and could read from right to left, and i'm sure that sounds kind of funny because it does to me, but i can remember my mom getting so frustrated before she knew what the issue was. When my parents got a correct diagnosis, they were able to get me in a program for dyslexia and i was able to learn even if i had to learn how other people saw things first. So i wanted to let you know there is some one out here that is living proof that people can learn even when it looks like you might not be the one that teaches them you can be a big help by just doing what you're doing, telling her you love her, and you'll always be there. And always listening to her will be very important, but i'm sure you know that. i hope that this encourages you and gives you hope. My prayers will be with you.

Renata - posted on 10/22/2009

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I am thinking that perhaps she can get tested in a different aspect of learning styles. There are various types of personality tests and learning styles. One that comes to mind is called True Colors, another is a learning styles test (I can't remember the name of it) But, it gives you an idea of whether your child is a visual learner, auditory learner, or kinetic learner. You can find out from your local university, they should be able to help you. That is where I found my learning style. I do not have a low i.q. or any of the other diagnosis that you mention, but it did help me tremendously to know my learning style and to help me understand that I am just different as I am a visual learner. My son and brother are kinetic, that means learning by hands on, an then there are auditory which means learning by hearing and music, etc. Hope that helps.

Tonya - posted on 10/22/2009

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Afriend of mine's 9 year old son was having difficulties that sound like your daughters. Before they decided to try any drug they did a boidy cleansing through some all natural stuff. He is now doing great and his eating is monitored very closely. Also my brother was said to have ADHD and reading disabilities but at 15 we found out he had dislexia. Good Luck.

[deleted account]

First and foremost - tests and labels may help to describe the challenges that your child has, but the most important thing is to focus on what she can do and what she needs to work on next.
Secondly - the IQ test score can be impacted significantly by the bipolar and ADHD. It's like trying to test when you've been missing sleep. Finding a good therapist and course of treatment to get her stabilized may greatly impact her academic functioning. Remember, too, that the onset of puberty can be very disturbing for any child, but for a child with disabilities, those hormones may throw their behavior completely and totally out-of-whack - to the point of violence. Talk to your therapist/doctor/teachers about changes she goes through.
Third - it is never too early to start thinking and talking long-term. Your child has these challenges. Now what? Where do you see your child in 5/10/20 years? Will she be living on her own? What level of support is available in your community? Are there services you can access? Even something as simple has having an agency come check in with her once a week, help her write out the bills and do the laundry - can have an enormous impact on her quality of life. The school system may tell you that they don't start doing transition planning until 14 or 16 - do it anyway. Make sure that her voice is heard - what does she want? Is it realistic?
Do not ever discount her abilities. I used to teach special education and there were students who had horrible testing results in late elementary school. Some of those reports painted a picture of a child who would never graduate high school or get a job. I watched many of them walk at graduation, some went on to college and some are working. It is possible.

Martha - posted on 10/22/2009

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I worked for 32 years with MR/DD adults. Many if not most of them were given the classification of profound MR long before training was even considered for people in this classification. I found that much can be accomplished once the labels and classifications become side knowledge and not the paramount way that a person is perceived to be. I learned my guys and they learned me. When things were not right in their world I sought to figure out why (I could not ask them as they were non verbal but I could indicate that I understood that something was amiss and assured them I would work with them to solve it.
I have a grandson with adhd. He has been on the honor roll ever since early elementary grades when he was given a medication that helped him a great deal and also dietary cautions of foods that can set things off for him. He has always been a part of his treatment. When he and his brother ride in my van to go to family gatherings in another state he is the one that chooses his snacks for the road and he always gets diet drinks and low sugar items like ritz peanut butter in a cup.
One thing I learned way back is that the teacher/ parent/ other person working with the person MUST learn where they are now in their learning process and then work up from there building skills and abilities in small steps. The solid foundation is recognition of the person as a person first and development of trust. Low IQ may or may not be correct. And even if it is correct, it does not necessarily take away from the person or their abilities . They also may shine in some areas and those areas should be capitalizd on. Praise works wonders. Sometimes a strong area can be used to teach deficit skills so they are not deficit skills anymore.
I pray that you may find that special set of educators that work to find the key to your daughter and work with her up the hill til you all say What Hill? Martha

Donna - posted on 10/22/2009

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She should be getting extra help in school. My son is 23 and has a speech problem. He was tested in school, got one on one help and graduated with honors from high school and won two awards. He took computerized accounting and graduated with 93%. Nobody will hire him because of his speech and he is so shy. Keep pushing for help for your daughter. Set boundaries for her and be consistant. Dont use ADD and Bipolar as an excuse for bad behaviour. Good Luck.

Angelina - posted on 10/22/2009

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no child is ever "difficult" i grew up with a "special" sister and now i have a niece who is. mental health issues with kids that young is hard to swallow. i have a 20 year old with the same issues. it's never too late. Sharon is right. tests. and more tests. get second, third and fourth opinions if you can. keep encouraging your daughter. remind her daily that she is smart. no matter what the doctors and teachers say. work with her. love her. before you know it, she will be the one teaching those experts a thing or two. stay strong.

Jennifer - posted on 10/22/2009

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I have a few suggestions for you. My daughter also has a hard time with school. I have had to look at things in a different light with her. 1 have your daughter tested for allergies with food. My daughter has celiac. She is intolerent to gulten. It can cause a whole lot of problems with the brain because of not getting enought nutrition from the food. 2) If you are open minded look for books on Indigo Children. They are an interesting group. I know it explained alot for me with my daughter. Those kids are not dumb but they do look at the school work as lacking or boring and they do not apply themselves to something they think is benneth them. I hope this might help you and good luck. It is a pain to have to fight for our children in the school system.

Emily - posted on 10/22/2009

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Consider having her tested for food allergies and make sure you exclude the many packaged, pre made foods from her diet which are full of additives and preservatives. Also check the ingredients on any restaurant food she is consuming. (the ingredients not the consumer label). Stick to natural, organic food and I would be willing to bet you will see an improvement. It is said that touch therapy or cranial sacral therapy may also make a difference in behavioral patterns.

Pamela - posted on 10/22/2009

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Please stop using the word "retarded", it is so negative. I totally understand where you are coming from. I have a daughter who is labeled gifted and a son who is FMD. (Funtionaly, Mentally Disabled). He too looks at the world in a different manner. However, if you can expose her to many different experiences through the school, which actually sounds like it knows what is going on, life skills-repeatition repeatition, and other experiences.she will get better My son takes karate-yes he struggles, but at the same time he is broadening his mind. He thinks way inside the box, but with all the different things we are doing to expand his world, he is becoming more aware. Will he ever see things the way we do, probably not, and sometimes that is a good thing. Enjoy your child they are special doesn't matter how they are. Her behavior has been because she wasn't presented material in a way she could understand and therefore became frustrated. Yes, it is heart breaking sometimes because we know how the world can be, but given the "right' instruction with her IEP, you working with her at home, and I hate to say this control of her diet, meds, and other then she will have a meaningful life. Does she have something that she loves to do and is good at? My son loves to put models together. He doesn't read the directions, he can just look at the pic and go. It amazes me. There is so many many resources out there-check with your new community, check with your school, find something she is interested, do you have equine therapy progarm there? It is a great resource. Don't limit yourself or her. You never know what will come around the corner in a positive way. Be patient, be creative, and be hopeful. Low IQ doesn't mean what it once did. It is all in the mind set of the people around her. I am so glad for you that you have finally found the answers that you/she needed. Good luck.

Lisa - posted on 10/22/2009

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the school pyhsc. she has had three different behavioral/physicist they have all come to the same conclusion. A lot of her learning disablities are not new to me, It's that the iq is the one that i wasn't expecting, expecailly when you come from a state that says she can do it , she just refuses to do it and saying she is difficult and we have to be hard, whip her in to shape and to stop letting her manipulate us. With this new test it has brought into the light that she doesn't understand what they are asking of her, what she is hearing ,and how to put all that in use. I think with all these test they are performing that some light will be shed on things to help us all learn how to help her succeeded. I know there is hope and i cling to it. But there has to be a fresh positive start some where.

Mary - posted on 10/22/2009

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Hi,

My question to you is who are making all your daughter's diagnoses?

Though school counselors and pediatricians are specific areas they don't specialize in everything only one part. Some times parents need a group to work and find answers for their children special needs. You would not take your child to a pediatrician if they needed to see a neurologist or have the medical doctor diagnose a specific learning disability without them being a psychriatrist who are able to diagnose LD. Because these are specialized areas not general and anyone can diagnose..

I am not saying your daughter does not have any of these disabilities just questioning whose making these diagnoses and why?

Has your daughter ever been tested at all for any birth defect that could have created any such number of disabilites? If not find a specialist doctor and have that thourghly check out because that maybe more to her problem and not having correct dianogstics done on her.

I have known people born with birth defects that nearly paralyzed them for life, but doctors had discovered their birth defect just enough time to take care of their medical needs Though still after having surgery down falls from the birth defect had occured both medical and learning difficulties. Medical Doctors tested the child and found them to be learning disabaled , yet gave the parents a grim out look telling them she'd not be able to get far in school nor could she live normally into adulthood. Instead of taking words from medical doctors who are not specialized in such diagnoses they turned to psychiatrist both outside the school system and inside once the outside psychiatrist had determind the LD their daughter had. Rather than accepting less for their daughter, as well as, the grim out look on her life, these parents did the most possible to work with their daughter and her needs to get passed high school grade level and beyound into adulthood. Had these parents just accepted words from both doctors and school officials, I would not be able to tell you myself that anything is possible and don't just accept what is being told to you. Work and lots of research as well as pusing passed the limits is the best you can do for your family and daughter.There is more HOPE than accepting the failed out there just push passed the failures and EARN HOPE!

Brenda - posted on 10/22/2009

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Lisa, I know how you are feeling when it comes to an education for your daughter. I had a son that I was told mentally challengened. He couldn't talk until he was almost 3, wouldn't associate with children his age, and just didn't want to listen or sit still for anyone. I took him to doctor after doctor, and it wasn't until I came across an old country doctor that sent me to an ear, nose, and thoart specialist. It took 5 surgeries, but from this so call mentally challegene son I was suppose to have came to be a very high IQ son. Never did I ever in my life thought that water BEHIND the ear drums and they were collasped was the cause of it! So it is just a suggestion that maybe might help you. My son went from a hyper, non-talking, and uncontrollable child to a very high IQ child who to this day still can't yearning to learn. Struggles like this is hard for a parent because we know not all answers we hear are the right ones. Stay with your gut feeling. I am proud of you for not settling for that fast under the table answer they gave you!

Susan - posted on 10/22/2009

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If other want to give labels there nothing you can do about it , I find you just have to hold on to the facts, that your child is child that just just needs you to believe in them , and not give up on them . As long as you believe in them . and you treated them like they are not different . as every child has a different way of learnning you'd just have to find out what your child way is and work with it . as my daughter who i was told had Autium , would never be able to have and raise children and now has 2 beautiful children . and to see her today you would never know . she had to learn hands on , my oldest son was the smae even though he was normal had to learn hand on way . now my youngest son , who i was told was unteachable , and was very slow . he had to learn through music. you just have to keep working until you find the best way as every children learns different, and see thing different . you just have to really believe in and love them , my son who learn by music he slipped through the cracks of school wise as they gave up on him , but i never did and will never . the way i see it and long with alot of other see it now he just as smart as these people who have high paying jobs . it just because the school did not know or understand or even care that everyone learn different , back when my son was in school they did not understand he learned through music until we had to show them , that was when things got better for my youngest son.
So what i am trying to say leave other believe what they what too as you can not change that. but work on what you can change , you do not treat them any different as they have enough of other people doing that to them , they need you to love them for who they are and for you as there parent grandparent to believe in them . and work with them . and i beleive that that will ork out for you . does it really mater as long as you child is happy. and healthy that all that matter , believe everything will work itself out.

Susan - posted on 10/22/2009

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I have a friend with a 2 daughter 7 year old and 5 year old who has ADD-ADHD and the Other one has Autium My friend was told by the Dr's. her daughter's were doom to fail at everything thing they go to do.
this was just a year ago. but after her Daughter were hanging around my grandchildren , Who by the way are all ADD-ADHD . My oldest grandson who is now 12 years. has told my friends dughter along with my other grandchildren what he was told at one of his schools as he was so bad. that until him medinice kicked in he could not be along his brother's or any other children until a hour after he took his medinice as he would try to beat up on them . now he still on medinice but to see him now you would never know he ADD-ADHD as he is a real Good boy as he was told by the one school . when he gets up set just walk off to another connor away from any one and sit himslef down until he cool off and think about if it was good to get upset over . and most of the time the answer is it not. and then for them to think of another way around what ever it was that was making them so mad and most of time they can come to a better anwer . this was told to my other grandchildren and my best friend oldest daughter about 6 months ago . we all still have a little way to go but things are alot better with them all , plus all there grades are coming up as well, but we work with them after school hours and on weekends plus over the summer . we are all happy with how thing are going on, they are to getting to be like a normal child . the same as the 5 year old who has Autium she was so bad last year where she could not talk she was alway off in her own little world by herself never playing with the other children . but we never treated her like she was different . the dr's told my friend she will never talk , she was alway be like she was off in her own little world . but to she this girl now you never know that as she now is starting to put sentences together , she playing with the other children now , she is learning she is getting better grade s in school . the dr's and there teacher's can not believe it that these are the still children .
you just have to believe in your children . and do alot of work with them it will pay off one day believe me . i how as i myself had a daughter with Autium and to she her today you would never know it she is 26 now with 3 babys of her own who are ADD-ADHD and 2 own them we believe may have a mild case of Autium not as bad as what there mother was or my friend daughter. my daughter is living on her own rising her own 3 children .
so as you can see there is hope . as when i told my friend she said to look at my daughter now she would not have guess she had autium . so as she said so i do have hope . i said yes . but it is hard and alot of hard work . but in the end it will be worste it. the thing is you do not treat the children like they have these disable you treat them like a a normal child you talk to them like a normal child. you keep working with them trying to teach them the stuff they learn in school . you keep working with them for there speak. it will come i know it get hard and you feel like giving up some time but you just keep pushing on it will work out . plus my friend 5 year with Autium even said one big word . awsome when we gave her something she really want which was a cell phone case . and when she said the word awsome my friend and i were so pround of her we cryed . and this is a child who just last year could not say one word .
good luck .
But because her Daughters hang around with my grandchildren.

Lisa - posted on 10/22/2009

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...ask what your daughter's "processing" score was. My son's processing score was very very low, he would hear the directions, then spend 3x longer to do the work then his peers. He was often wrong, because he heard things differantly, or couldn't put his thoughts on paper. Once this was realized, his IEP was re-evaluated and modified. He was tested and diagnosed as ADHD when he was 9, he is now 15. Processing will be something he will have a difficult time with all of his life.



As a mom of a child with ADHD, I would suggest that you continue to be supportive and most important, stay involved and informed. IEPs are a wonderful tool if they are followed.



I wish you daughter much success.

Mandy - posted on 10/21/2009

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Well, Lisa, as I see it, you are blessed to have a child who is healthy and loves you in her own special way. I'm always surprised to still hear and read how children are still 'labeled'. Who's to say what is normal, difficult, etc.? Although I've not experienced what you're going through (my child waited until those wonderful teens to go beyond 'difficult'), no matter what, we love our children and protect them. By your positive, loving examples you are teaching your daughter life's lessons. Perhaps she learns a little differently but she learns nevertheless. Never be disappointed or blame yourself for her difficulties. Things happen over which you have no control. What your daughter deals with as 'IQ difficulties', she has her own special and unique qualities. Love her unconditionally; hopefully you both will be much happier and you'll find peace within yourself. You both deserve the very best; give her your most precious gift, your love.

Riannon - posted on 10/21/2009

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Quoting CHRISTINA:



Quoting Heather:

I am a homeschool mother and have been teaching my children for over 17 years. (I have 8, my oldest is 26, youngest is 6) I have worked with each child so very closely...each one is very different, but they all got the same thing...time with mom and personal attention. Just take time with your daughter each day and read to her. Have her read to you. Quality time spent together with books and stories will work wonders for her. Trust me, just try it. Don't fret, just believe and unlock her gifts through personal time spent together. Children need their moms. Not tests, institutions, doctors, meds.,etc. They just need their mothers to nurture and raise them. Good luck.





Well said, Heather!  I couldn't agree with you more, not only from my own personal experience, but for the sake of this mom.  May God enable her!





It is true that many children take medications and see doctors when it is not necessary.  A mother's love can cure many things.  Physical illnesses need medical treatment.  My parents treated my disorder with many activities (mostly ballet lessons) and I spent many of those years stuck in a brain that reading and ballet lessons weren't going to fix.  Your children will need your love and advocacy their entire lives.  Please do not rule out medical treatment as well.  If your child had asthma you wouldn't fix it with love so don't see mental disorders any differently.

Michelle - posted on 10/21/2009

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We have been going through a lot of the same. We hit road blocks until another parent asked if we had went through the Comprehensive Child Care Screening at our clinic. We just completed it and now things are rolling. I would see if you clinic has something like this program. It was 9 hours of testing and evaluation with a OC therapist, speech therapist and 2 different Pshycologists.

Lisa - posted on 10/21/2009

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I had a two hour meeting today, there is going to be more testing so that the placement is right for her needs, I am very happy with this school. They want what is best for her. plus they want to work with her at her level. NO more lable. She is not difficult.. She just doesn't understand.
There is a lot of work ahead of all of us. Thank you everyone for the excellent advice! I went into the meeting knowing she had a low iq. but with all the help from you all it prepared me to start to put it together and ask questions.. so in two weeks after more test we will have more answers.

again thank you.

April - posted on 10/21/2009

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Damn you go girl, super mom!! Should not have had to do all that but you got the job done, Can't believe what a struggle some of us have to go through.

April - posted on 10/21/2009

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You know I have not experienced this personally but I would try to recommend a 2nd opinion or maybe different doctors who can help you and your child with different exercises, and activities to do, maybe medication for focusing if it helps, I have a nephew who is autistic but that is something completely different, but there is always hope, spending more time with your child doing learning activities and repetivness can't hurt either. Good luck!

Deborah - posted on 10/21/2009

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my son had adhd and could never learn math and had other learning disabilities. but u know what he quit school and then 2 years later he went back and graduated and not only did he graduate but he allso went to school of massage he is now a massage therapist. these children are very smart in different areas you just have to find where your daughters strong points are. and what she is good at. my son was good at giving massages and thats what he took up. and noe he is a massage therapist.

Lisa - posted on 10/21/2009

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My 12 year old son also has adhd, possible biopolar and suffers from post tramatic stress syndrom. He does ok in school at the beginning of the year but the symptoms of the biopolar hits around Nov/Dec and the rest of the year is aweful. My husband and I get very stressed out each night because it takes so much energy to convince him to work on his homework. He has been on meds since he was 6 years old and even though they have helped him, he is still different from other kids his own age. I struggle with the fact that his teachers dont seem to understand, and my sons struggles with the fact he feels different from his friends and he does not like it.

Sonja - posted on 10/21/2009

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My daughter is 5 in November she has been diagnosed as having a very low receptive and expressive language disorder she has been involoved in an early intervention programme for the past year and has come such a long way. Her behaviour is still at the level of a 3 to 4 year old so when I am out shopping and she has a tantrum I often feel the glares. I have been very happy with her pre-school and the early intervention programme they have been nothing but supportive and positive toward my daughter I believe early intervention does a great job. I'm a little nervous about sending her to kindy next year but she has been offered a language class hopefully she will be accepted in that. On the other hand I have been told my 3 year old daughter is very bright. And my son who is 11 does well at school. I know my 5 year old daughter will recieve alot of support at the school she is attending. I am extremely happy with the programmes they run in my area. It is hard to accept that she will struggle in school but just need to be supportive and encouraging and hope she gets all the support she need's.

Dawn - posted on 10/21/2009

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I haven't read all of the posts, but my sister-in-law wrote a book explaining Bipolar Disorder with lower elementary children in mind.... I just thought it might help some of you. Search for "Darcy Daisy"... I know it's on Amazon. Hope it helps.

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