having problems with my son not wanting to spend nights with me,in my divorce we share the week. I have my son mon,tues,wed,and every second sat. he has him thur fri,every second sat,and sunday,but my delima is when my son goes with him ue dont take him come back on my time,such as mon for example,and iam having to take things away from him, such as desert nights witu his dad which I may add is on my time,and tuen dad dont make him come back. iam so stuck as to what to do. I also found out his grandparents.,and his dad @ell him its my faukt for the divorce when that isnt the case,i left him becaause he chose toys,and other things over me which ruinednour marriage and me,so I left. the dad filed for tue divorce not me,and my son was told I did it so ue is mad at me, even when iam being honest with him so im am lost anyone with any experties

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Jodi - posted on 11/26/2013

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Don't punish your child for his dad not bringing him home. If that arrangement is in a court order, your ex is breaking it and you can file for contempt. What he is doing is against the law. Let your ex know that he must stick with the court order, or next time, you will file contempt. And then follow through with it.

With regard to the things being told by his grandparents and father, they have no right to do that. But the damage is done. I would have a chat to your son and let him know that there are always two sides to every story, and then there is the truth. Tell him you have chosen NOT to talk about what happened with him because really, it is adult business and he doesn't need to know everything that happened, just that mummy and daddy didn't want to be married anymore and that you are a happier mummy and daddy now than you were before and that is much better for him.

I don't know how old your son is, but really, I haven't even discussed my real reasons for divorce with my 16 year old because quite honestly, it isn't any of his business and he really doesn't need to know. He also doesn't need to know anything about fault and blame.

Just so you know, he will also figure a lot out as he gets older. If he has been lied to, he will work it out with time and maturity. He will also feel less hurt about the divorce with time too.

Dove - posted on 11/26/2013

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Stick to the court order and don't worry about what your ex does or does not tell the boy. Just be the bigger person and love and care for your son on your time. If his father and family are continually telling him these things, but you are just focusing on raising him to the best of your ability... he will know the truth in time.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 11/26/2013

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Well, if the child is being used as a pawn, may I suggest that you and your ex attend co parenting classes?

At some point, one of you has to grow up enough to get past your issues with each other and raise the kid correctly.

I wish you the best.

Cecilia - posted on 11/26/2013

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Ya then we did do councelling,now that wenare divorced whichniam happy about he justnin tue last few weeks seeked help.for his as he calls it his sexual problem withbhis toys so good for him,iam happy now with a.wonderful man, but iam just worried about my son, and the divorce,and how ye tells my son its more or less my fault I left,and I cant tell my son th
e real reason why I left ue is only 9 only that it didntnwork,andnits not his fault and we still love him as co parents

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 11/26/2013

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I know exactly what you mean, I've been married to my husband for 25 years now. Everyone purchases toys now and then. If you made that grounds for divorce without seeking counseling and reconciliation, then you, IMHO, made a mistake.

As I said. YOu are now divorced. You abide by the court orders to the letter, and if he doesn't you take him back to court. You chose to handle things with a divorce rather than a counselor, so you will most likely have attorney's for the next however long it takes your kids to reach adulthood.

Cecilia - posted on 11/26/2013

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I.dont mean toys as in kids toys.... I mean no me only toys for him if u know what I mean

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 11/26/2013

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First, if the court ordered split isn't being adhered to, you both need to go back to court.

If it's dad's days, you leave him with dad, and on your days, dad doesn't get "dessert" nights. If dad doesn't bring him over on exchange days, you call your attorney.

IMHO, if you actually filed for divorce over the fact that he spent too much money on toys, you probably should have gotten some counseling in an attempt to work out the problems. Just my opinion.

You're divorced. Now your attorneys get to handle these things. Make sure you're following your court orders to the letter. If he isn't, take him back to court.

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