he cheated and had a baby

Amy - posted on 05/26/2013 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Where to begin.....we have been together for 8 years, have a perfect 3 year old daughter. He cheated, she got pregnant, the baby is now 6 months. He is still home with us. He sees the baby once in awhile,maybe once a week. As of now, I do not want my daughter around any of this and have not allowed it. Bottom line, she has a sister whether I like it or not. This homewrecker is psycho. The whole thing makes me sick and has broken my heart. I have decided to try to work things out, trusting him in not coming easy. My question, do I swallow my pride and let the baby come around, maybe I will not feel betrayed?

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Faith - posted on 05/28/2013

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hi there,
Firstly, sorry that happened to you and your darling daughter! he has definately put you in a situation that must be hard to deal with. I think what you want to think about is, what message/lesson do you want to send your daughter? whatever you would want your daughter to do if she asked you for advice is what you should do. I don't think you are obligated to see the other child yet. if the children decide to have a relationship when they are old enough to make that decision for themselves then great. but the father has a responsibility to both

Kathan - posted on 05/27/2013

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One thing you should keep in mind is that the baby is innocent, the baby is not the one who cheated on you. Trust is a hard thing to welcome back when you have been betrayed but since you are trying to work things out it is his child. You wouldn't want that child to grow up without his/her father. A lot of ppl may say leave him , but you have to do what's best for you and your marriage. Things do happen and we are human so we are going to make mistakes. When we do make mistakes there are always consequences to follow. Follow your heart and pray about it. I wish you the best of luck!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/27/2013

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It is his child, and if he is in your life, so is the baby. Sorry.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/27/2013

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HE is as much of a home wrecker as SHE is. If you are attempting to save your marriage, then yes you should let the baby around. Do not take it out on the baby. He/she has no part in this and just wants love. But personally I would never trust him again. He did it once, so chances are he will do it again. Ask yourself how many times he cheats will you be willing to take him back? Sounds to me like he was having a whole other relationship and not just a fling. Also, do not have unprotected sex with him until you have had yourself checked for STD's and insist he does also. Good luck.

Kristen - posted on 05/26/2013

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Well, two of my kids have a half sister and I do a lot with her. I am not with their father though. It's a long story to how things are my oldest was 6 and his sister 5 when they first meet. And it was through contacting her mother. He was actually in prison at they time. He and his daughter's mother got married when I was 4 months of. He actually left me for her. But they was split and I actually had tried many times over years to get the two kids together with no luck for many reasons til the one year finally did. But I looked at things like this they are siblings weather or not I mothered them and I wanted my son to know his sister. Later I hooked up with him once then got a little girl from him but after he left me hanging during a second pregnancy I finally got over him and moved on for good and only see him when kids are involved. He had another baby with his now current girlfriend. I don't really have much to do with the baby but she is little and I ain't with him but my kids see her when they go their. I am sure when she is bigger I probably be more involved with her as well. His girlfriends older kids love me and her daughter even hangings out with me as well, her son is a teen and unless it involves going to store he don't really hanging but he's a unique kid but a good one. I am a person who loves kids and my boyfriend thinks I'm crazy when I want extra kids to join in when I already got my 3 but he knows I enjoy doing things with the kids.
Anyways my story is a bit different but we both have a kid with siblings with different mother. I feel as if my kids have a right to know their sisters and I won't keep them from doing so. I honestly think if the mother will agree to it and allow they baby to come stay with you guys and you can handle it then why not. It means he can be a good father to that child as well and the kids will get to know each other. I didn't get to know my brother and sister my dad had before he and my mom got together (my dad wasn't involved in their lives much for many reasons) and I wish I would have been able to know them as a kid. That may be why I feel they way I do about my kids knowing their sisters

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KeRashawn - posted on 05/26/2013

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As for him, I think he needs to go!! He has cheated on you and its hard for a woman to accept another child especially while you guys are still married. As for the child, you always have to tell your self that the child didn't ask to be here. Whether or not you want to deal with the child, you don't have to. This is something for your husband to be able to do. So, leave him to clean up his mess. Leave it to him to have to be able to bring his kids together. Good Luck and if you continue on with this, I must say you are a strong woman.

Dove - posted on 05/26/2013

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That baby is your husband's child and your daughter's sibling. The situation sucks, but it isn't the baby's fault or your daughter's fault (or yours, of course). Both children have a right to a relationship with their father AND each other.

I do not know how I would ever be able to get past the cheating, but I do know that IF I were going to try and make it work... I would have to 100% be willing to accept the baby into our lives as well.

I'm so sorry. I wish you all well.

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