he has 2 kids and his ex wife comes to visit and sleeps over. am going crazy with the sleeping over pls advis me

PIKEI - posted on 04/10/2013 ( 9 moms have responded )

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hello every one out their am dating this man who has 2kids one is 6 and the other is 3 but still lives with mom. am working and living in another town i have a daughter of my own in my past relationship. he refuses our my daughter to join us untill i here i settle issues with my ex. i have been a single mother from when i gave birth at campus untill now that am working my ex doesnt care about our daughter but the man am dating now says before my daughter joins the kids as one family i should settle things concerning her with my ex. then currently his ex wife has been coming over and she sleeps over in our home yet am not around i complained and he says am not considerate to the other mother. he insists that its right for her to always come over and sleep over in the name of seeing her kid. friends am confused am stressed i dont know wat to do i hav told him am not fine with his ex spending nights yet its ok with her to come spend time with her kids during the day and lives but he wont understand . am caught in between all this because am even 1 months pregnant now. please advise me

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/10/2013

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That would more than concern me also. That is totally innapproriate for the ex to sleep over. She can have the kids on her own time. I think it is weird she would even WANT to. You don't have privacy. Not just that, but it would make me concerned that he still has feelings for her or vice versa. I would be very uncomfortable, and honestly would not let it continue. It is great that they have a good relationship for the kids, but really? Sleeping over regularly? I don't think so.

Also, I am confused about your living situation. It sounds like you have your daughter full time, but you are not allowed to have your daughter with his kids until you "settle" things with your ex....and you are living together? I don't get this. Can you clarify? Cause it sounds like you live together, he doesn't allow the kids around each other, but he has his kids and their mother sleep over....so where do you go with your daughter?

Also, you are pregnant by this controlling man? Good luck.

Dove - posted on 04/11/2013

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Since Firebird posted I guess the ex sleeping over 'could' be explained, but the fact that he doesn't want to include your daughter with him and his kids while you are pregnant with his baby and considering relocating your entire lives for this man.... Yeah, red flags all over the place. Good luck. I have a feeling you are going to need it.

Firebird - posted on 04/10/2013

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If I had a boyfriend who actually lived with me... no, my ex would probably not still be staying on my couch. Pregnant by a boyfriend who I did not live with.... yea, he would probably still be on the couch. I know my ex and I have a pretty rare break-up, what with us still being friends and all, lol but it's not unheard of and it doesn't mean that our relationship isn't over.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/10/2013

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Just tread lightly with this situation. It does not sound like their relationship is over. Think long and hard about relocating, especially if he still does not want all the kids to meet. That is fishy.

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/11/2013

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And yeah, even though that is rare to have an ex sleep on your couch and nothing happen, it does happen where there is still a relationship going on. This women is thinking about relocating her whole life, and move in with this man when all the children haven't even met yet. Like I said, fishy.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/11/2013

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You are absolutely right that it doesn't mean the relationship is over. Sure, it happens. But from everything she has said, it sounds like it isn't over.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/10/2013

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Yes but firebird, are you in a relationship with someone and pregnant by them and STILL letting your ex sleep on the couch? So many red flags here it is all very fishy.

Firebird - posted on 04/10/2013

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My ex sleeps on my couch when he visits our daughter. That doesn't mean our relationship isn't over. If I didn't let him stay here, my daughter would only get to see her dad 2 days per month. Does your boyfriend's ex live in another town? If she lives in the same town as her children, there is no reason that she should need to sleep at your boyfriend's house. That would be what sends up red flags for me. If she does have to travel to see them, your boyfriend giving her a place to stay shouldn't automatically suggest that there's still something going on between them.

The way he's talking about your daughter really irks me. Anyone who didn't let me bring my kid around wouldn't be in my life very long. I also suggest you think long and hard about relocating.

PIKEI - posted on 04/10/2013

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thanks dear. actually to clearify it more rite now we dont live together i live in a nother town with my daughter full time and i only move to his house on weekends after work but am planning to relocate soon or may be permanently relocate during my maternal leave

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