He is accusing me of cheating on him

Lily - posted on 07/12/2016 ( 24 moms have responded )

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We have been separated physically for two months. I was meant to go back on Tuesday. Two days ago, he got a message on the phone I left with him from a man that I don't know asking me to call him later and to add him on Facebook. Since then, he has been attacking me saying that I am hiding stuff off him and that I am lying. He insisted on me changing my settings so he can access my friend list. I sent him my details so he can access all my account just to show him I have no agenda to cheat on him. He logged on but insists that I am lying and cheating. I have no clue who this person is. He is going crazy over this issue and I can't deal with it. What do I do?

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Lily - posted on 07/12/2016

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I have now blocked him from messaging and viber. He will go crazy on me through emails but I won't respond. He has proven what both his ex wife and parents said - he is crazy.

Jodi - posted on 07/12/2016

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Ok, so in that case, his accusations of cheating are pretty typical in an abusive relationship. Why are you choosing to go back to him? Abusers are also very good at apologising and making you feel loved following their outbursts. I would strongly recommend you DO NOT go back to him and you find a therapist to talk to to help you work through the situation.

From a personal perspective, I will share that my first marriage was an emotionally abusive one (and did escalate at one point to be physical) and it wasn't until I sought therapy AFTER I separated that I understood how very abusive the relationship was. Please seek some help from a professional before you consider going back to him.

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/14/2016

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Actually, I would save every e mail, and every text if they are full of abuse. It will support your case.

Michelle - posted on 07/14/2016

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Emails you can delete without even reading. You may even think of changing your phone number if he has it.
Good luck with it all and hopefully he will get the message soon.

Lily - posted on 07/12/2016

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Before I left, I contacted a lawyer there just in case. So I am covered in both countries.

Jodi - posted on 07/12/2016

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If there are no children involved.....time to file for the divorce. You never have to have anything to do with him again if you choose not to. Divorce needs to be filed in the country you married....but you may find you CAN do it from Canada - you may need a lawyer in England to file, but you can do it. I'd be wanting to do it ASAP.

Lily - posted on 07/12/2016

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I need to set up a separation agreement with him or wait a year and file based on irreconcilable differences. I will talk to a lawyer tomorrow

Michelle - posted on 07/12/2016

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At least there aren't children involved.
I would talk to a lawyer and see what you can do. You may be able to file from Canada.

Lily - posted on 07/12/2016

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No kids and no assets, thank God. The divorce is just paperwork at this point

Michelle - posted on 07/12/2016

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You will find that people who accuse someone of cheating are usually the guilty ones.
Do you have any children? What countries are you in?

Lily - posted on 07/12/2016

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We were only married in September. So we have to wait till then to file. I can't do it from here, so it's up to him to do so. I think he is making all this up because he has been doing something wrong and doesn't want me to know. He has done this before too.

Jodi - posted on 07/12/2016

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You have done all the right things so far....but is there also a child involved in this situation? That could change many options you have, depending on which countries you are both in.

Michelle - posted on 07/12/2016

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That's good that he is in another country. If I were you I would start divorce proceedings if you can. I know in Australia you have to be separated for 12 months first though. I don't know what the laws are where you are.

Michelle - posted on 07/12/2016

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Block his messages and don't reply. If you have to, turn your phone off.
You can also go to the police and get a restraining order to stop the harassment.

Lily - posted on 07/12/2016

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I already changed my password. And he is still to this minute sending me messages accusing me of making him feel stupid and that I accuse me of being aggressive and a monster. This is just crazy.

Michelle - posted on 07/12/2016

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I agree with Jodi. Don't go back, change your passwords and don't let him have access to your accounts. He is abusive and controlling. You don't have to be with someone like that.
My 1st husband was also verbally abusive and would often accuse me of cheating on him. It was in fact him that was cheating on me.

Lily - posted on 07/12/2016

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Thank you Jodi. I am already seeking a therapist to help me with all this. After all that he has said in the last 24 hours, there is no going back.

Lily - posted on 07/12/2016

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Because of his verbal and emotional abuse. He has a horrid temper. He then apologized and asked for a reconciliation. And now this. He continues to log onto my Facebook account as though searching for something to hold against me.

Jodi - posted on 07/12/2016

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Can I ask why you are currently separated? This may be a contributing factor.....

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