Sally - posted on 09/13/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )
My Daughter is nearly 12. Her Dad left me when she was very young and although she has contact with him, he is pretty useless. He doesn't bother with her if it isn't his weekend and complains about paying child support. However, I want my Daughter realise his mistakes without me pointing them out and so I always try to be fair and don't bad mouth him. Often I end up looking like the bad one because I do t want to be the one that is behaving badly!
My Daughter has admitted that her Dad frightens her and hat she can't be herself around him. I have a new partner who was a friend before we started a proper relationship. My children absolutely adored him and before my Daughter knew that we were thinking of taking our relationship further she often said she would love for us to be a Family with him taking care of us.
We now live together as a family and my partner helps my Daughter so much. He rearranges his work schedule to take her to clubs and to friend's houses. He supports us financially and is working extra hard to buy us a house. He sits for hours doing homework with her and he tries to have as much fun as possible with her. He rarely disciplines her, he often fights her corner and says that I am too strict with her.
My Daughter is now becoming increasingly rude and disobedient. She treats me very badly at times and my partner tries to talk to her about this. She just keeps telling me "he's not my Dad. He's got no right to talk to me about this stuff" the thing is he does so much more for her than her dad ever has!
He behaves in the way which I wish her dad does. He supports both me and my daughter and tries to be reasonable and fair to both of us. He cares a lot about her but she is slowly destroying the bond they have as he is getting more and more fed up with her outbursts about how he isn't her father and he can't treat her like he is but she is happy to accept all of the nice things he provides.
I feel stuck between them both because he is saying he wants to give up with her. But I also understand she is still a child.