He wants his baby brother to move in?.. Advice

La Tina - posted on 07/15/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )




So me and my husband are expecting a baby girl due in september.
My husbands mother has 2 other children one of which is 10 years old. She works all the time, and doesnt have as much time to basically raise her son and My husband, who basically DID raise him, feels his baby brother is better off living with us, so he can help teach him to be a man.

Now, I would not mind on better cirucmstances however, we are a younger couple and are both working and in school and are now expecting a baby. I feel like adding another child into the mix might be good for his brother but not for us and add strain to our relationship. In addition with the busy scheduels we're about to have i do not feel his brother would get any more attention from us than he is from his mother already. I am learning now how to be a mom for one, im not ready for two!

I understand family is family but i feel like , its his mothers responsibillity to make a way not ours especially now that our own family is growing. And not to be selfish but, I wanted us to have our OWN family just me him and our daughter, We wont even be able to enjoy having just the three of us. My husband already feels as if its his responsibillity to take care of his brother. Hes even talking about RAISING him until his brother is 18 and goes of to college! I just dont know what to do. He loves his brother like his own son and really feels as if its best for him to stay with us. Family is Family But he doesnt get that we are our own family now, however he doesnt see the difference..

Am i wrong for how i feel? I should i let his brother move in? Is my husband crazy for wanting to raise his borther!? That is like my brother too, however I just am having a hard time swallowing the fact that he feels the responsibillity to raise his brother, when his mother is perfectly capable just needs to get her priorities together, but hasn't.

Any adivice or anything will be greatly appreciated!


Dana - posted on 07/15/2012




Wow, tough one. I can completely understand him wanting to be there for his brother. Is there abuse or he just feels like his brother is generally neglected?

I would talk to your husband and see if he will wait until you've established a home or family unit with your daughter first and then revisit the idea of his brother moving in. Give it until your daughter is 6 months and you've got your groove down as being new parents. In the meantime, he can spend time with his brother, have him over for dinner, time on the weekends, etc..but only as long as it's not taking a lot of time away from the new baby either.


View replies by

Stifler's - posted on 07/15/2012




My friend is in this exact situation. Has a baby coming and is raising her partners 17 year old brother. You are definitely not wrong for feeling like it's shouldn't be your responsibility. That is how both of them feel sometimes and I spend a lot of time over there, it's hard raising someone else's child and making decisions and trying to discipline them when they've been raised an entirely different way.

Dove - posted on 07/15/2012




Do you guys all live relatively close to each other? If so, what if you tried having him over every other weekend or something?

I do not think you are crazy at all for your feelings and I also don't think it's crazy for your husband to want to raise his brother. Perhaps some sort of compromise as I mentioned above would be best for everyone. The brother would still be living with the mom, but could get the love and attention from you guys that he needs on a regular basis.

If that wouldn't work... I don't have any other ideas at the moment.

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