He wants to break up because I have two kids and he has two kids

Rochelle - posted on 12/28/2014 ( 9 moms have responded )

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We've been together foe 6 months and things were going fantastic until he met my kids. I know everyone says they have great kids, but I honestly do. They are caring, smart, and giving for an 8 and 10 year old. My youngest wanted to give his Christmas presents away because he said other kids don't have toys like he does.

My issue is that he has kids of his own that are 5 ans 14. We just started introducing the kids into the situation and his demeanor changed immediately after meeting them. I am heart broken because we really had such a fun relationship but he never wanted to hang out with the boys.

I am a single mom, and my kids are my world. I don't know what to think of the situation or how I'm even supposed to handle it. I am 34, with a bachelor's degree and I don't have a family besides my kids because my family fell apart when we lost my little brother. Is this how it's going to be for the rest of my life?

I need advice

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Rochelle - posted on 12/29/2014

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Thank you for all the responses. We talked last night and decided that bringing both of our kids into it too much was too much right away. We are going to stay together but keep it as it was (the kids hang out every once in awhile and we just take it day by day) We have been close friends for a long time, and I know having a man is not life or death. He did get scared because 4 kids is a lot and I agree, It scares me thinking about having a 4 year old and 13 year old. Mine are 8 and 10, and they don't require as much attention as a 4 year old does. I have my guard up though and I don't plan on jumping for awhile.

Amy - posted on 12/28/2014

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It sounds like he had a change of heart and feels like everything is moving to quickly. I would back off and let him go, if it's not what he wants why push it? You don't want your kids getting attached to someone who is wishy washy about what they want. I'm a single mom and experienced this twice with the same guy, thankfully he changed his mind both times before he met my kids, I walked away both times, I'm not going to play games with someone I have no time for that! Move on.

Jodi - posted on 12/28/2014

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OK, it sounds like its not about your kids, but rather about the relationship. I'd say it has moved too quickly for him and he's feeling a little overwhelmed. Is he actually wanting to break up with you? Or is he wanting to take things more slowly? I'm assuming you haven't moved in together yet, given you've only just met all the kids, maybe that is what he is not ready for. Nothing you've said here has said he wants to totally break it off with you. Are you SURE that's what he meant? He's just not ready to get serious, talk about the future. Which is understandable. It's only been 6 months.

Mommabird - posted on 12/28/2014

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To me, it sounds like he got a dose of reality about where the relationship was heading. You two have known each other for 15 years, only been in a relationship for 6 mths. Ya'll had fun together and knew each other had two kids, but when all four kids were brought into the picture he backed out(he panicked). Yes it would have been nice to know beforehand but maybe he didnt really think about the whole picture until now. You could either go back to doing things together without the kids or decide you want more out of a relationship and move on.

Ev - posted on 12/28/2014

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Rochelle,

I have read the posts here and I think that they are right in telling you the things they have. But just because you have known him since the age of 18 does not mean you really know him well. He went to have a relationship with someone and have kids like you have done. How much of those years did you two keep in contact. Also, if there was limited contact, you have to understand that over time people do grow still and change over time. He is not the same man you knew back then. Also, if he is saying he is not ready for this then he is not. He may have realized that it was too fast in getting things going with this and it hit him once all the kids were involved. Maybe you should back off too. Maybe it is too soon for you too. Just because you are a single mother does not mean you have to have a man in your life all the time. Its not like it is a life and death issue. I have been divorced for 12 plus years and I have two kids though pretty much grown now and I never wanted to date or remarry...my choice of course and have found that I did not need a man to make it in life. I do have friends and some of them male but that is all we are is friends. Just be a mom to your kids for now. Wait a few years before you date again. I am not sure how long you have been a single parent for, but sometimes you need to heal yourself before getting involved with someone else. Take a long time to get to know the next person when you do before introducing the kids to him and do not go 6 months and do so; make it more like a year. Your kids need you more than a man does.

Rochelle - posted on 12/28/2014

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I've known him since I was 18 and I'm 33 now. I know 6 months is quick, but we both agreed it was time and now he's acting like a twatwaffle

~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/28/2014

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If he doesn't get along with the kids, don't push the relationship. He might just have realized that having 4 kids around is to much for him. This sounds like his problem, not yours nor how the kids behave. Walk away no. Don't force it. In fact, if he came back to me, i would say no. There is a reason for this. Walk away.

Also, wait to introduce your kids until it is a very serious relationship next time. Like a year or more. You don't want your kids building a relationship with someone that is not going to stick around. That can be a hard loss for them over and over again.

No it won't be like this forever. You just have not met the right man. There are plenty of them out there. You can be picky.

If he is not ready, he may never be. Seriously, don't push it or this will end miserably.

Rochelle - posted on 12/28/2014

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The kids and him get along great as well and my kids and his kids, and myself and his kids. I just don't understand why instantly he just said "I'm not ready for this even though he's been telling me he loves me, talking about the future, and we've met his family too. It just came out of the blue last night. I don't know what went wrong. I tried to talk about it and his words where "I am not ready for any of this". I would have rather know this months ago instead of us introducing everyone together.

Jodi - posted on 12/28/2014

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Have you talked to him about it? About why he has a problem with your kids? Do the kids all get along together? Do his kids have a problem with the situation?

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