Helicopter Mother In Law

Carla - posted on 08/09/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My MIL expects to see us (especially newborn baby) every couple of days. How do we tell her no, once every three weeks is enough?

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/09/2013

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Would seeing her involve travel accommodations? Or is she in the same local area to where it's a "pop across town" visit?

I see absolutely no problem with a grandparent desiring to see her grandchild, especially if they're close, and willing to spend time with your family.

But, then again, I'm all about full family involvement. I wish my mother was more involved in my kids' lives, but she's not. My MIL on the other hand, is wonderful. I can't wait for the day when we have enough room for her to move in with us!

Why, in your opinion, is once every three weeks enough?

Chet - posted on 08/09/2013

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Once every three weeks is really not enough for a baby to develop a bond or trusting relationship with her. Three weeks is a very, very long time when you're a baby, or even a young toddler. A seven or eight week old baby isn't going to remember a person they saw when they were four or five weeks old. Daycare providers will often tell you that babies who come infrequently don't settle in and get comfortable like others who come three or more times a week. Now, a newborn isn't going to die from lack of a bond with their grandma... however, it is beneficial for children to form strong, loving relationships with adults other than their parents. A baby is likely to benefit more from visits with a loving grandma than a lot of other things you could spend money or time on.

Chet - posted on 08/09/2013

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Is it difficult or problematic to see MIL two or three times a week? When we lived close to family I tried to make sure that each set of grandparents saw our children twice a week. We have also lived far away from family, and the younger our children were the more difficult it was for them to warm up to the grandparents when they arrived for a visit. The older kids were okay, but often the baby would take very little interest in the grandparents since, to the baby, they were basically strangers.

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