Hello everybody, I am looking for some advice.. I am 17 and found out I am pregnant. I don't know how to tell my mom or the father as he is much older than me which I wasn't aware of at the time, would be greatly appreciated if you could help me! Thankyou x
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Susan - posted on 06/03/2014
Now that your mum is on board, just relax, enjoy your pregnancy and embrace the wonderful little mini-you growing inside of you.
The father is only panicking, albeit he's coming across as hurtful and scary using threats, etc but its just down to his own weakness and fears. Lots of men panick!!! Hopefully reality will kick in with him and he'll accept he is to become a father and will calm down.... Most men do.
You MUST keep all documentation regarding the father's needs, wants and threats as of now going forwards. You may need supporting evidence for when it comes to custody, etc.
Hopefully you both can work this out amicably, especially since you do want a father in your child's life. However, if he never comes round, then stay positive of finding a wonderful father figure in the future.
Angela - posted on 05/30/2014
Wow, that's quite the pickle. I live in Idaho where if a 26yr old was discovered to have sex with a minor (anyone under the age of 18) he would automatically be placed on the sexual predator list and put in jail or placed on probation. But either way here what's done is done and now there's an expected child (should you choose to go through with the pregnancy).
Your mom here could be an excellent advocate. Your 17 and pregnant and are now faced with a world of scary choices. Having sex was the easy one (assuming the sex was consensual). I was 26 when I became pregnant with my boyfriends child. After telling him he bailed and I was left to decide whether or not to be a single parent. Becoming a parent changes everything and I was 26 and still scared crapless! I still struggle everyday to pay bills, groceries, rent and find time to complete my college education. Nearly all of my so-called friends have all but disappeared. They were nice and accommodating at first but with out kids we just ended up with different priorities.
Hopefully your relationship with your mother is comfortable enough that you feel you can speak with her. If not look up your local planned parenthood group and look at joining a group of other girls your age going through the same thing.
DO NOT RUSH YOURSELF
Give yourself the chance to swallow one thing at a time. There are a lot of really big decisions your going to be faced with. Whether you choose abortion, adoption or keeping the child, there all big. And they will all be life changing.
When and if you choose to tell the father make sure you feel safe enough to do so. Bring someone you love and trust if you feel you could use the extra support.
Of course there is a time frame if you choose abortion. Here in Idaho they will not preform one after 12 weeks of pregnancy. If adoption is your route of choice there are options there as well: closed or open adoption. And of course if you choose to keep the child that child's future is now in your hands. Ask yourself if your ready to raise another human being and everything it implies: food, diapers, clothing, shelter, daycares, schooling, medical, dental, vision insurances, and obviously love to just name a few. Also, just how involved the father is going to be is another factor.
I chose to keep my baby at 26yrs old and I still struggle everyday with certain things. I did not receive family support though and the father disappeared until his sudden reappearing when my daughter turned a year old. Now it's court hearing after court hearing and all are very expensive. Hopefully your situation will be different. But with or without support it is still difficult. You'll find yourself hugging and kissing your parents more in appreciation for everything they've done for you. I apologize if this reply is overly lengthy. I tend to drone on at times but I hope some of what I've typed here is of use to you. I'm always available if you wish to discuss anything further. I hope only good things for you.
Erisreignssupreme - posted on 06/03/2014
well you get your mom or father and you say ' i am pregnant' . thats the simplest way..you can add a prologue or epilogue if you like explainhing otehr parts o fit but really in essence that says what needs to be said.
â« Shawnn âªâ«â« - posted on 06/02/2014
He can threaten all he wants, but the fact remains that he was in a statutory rape situation, and he darn well knows it. Get yourself an attorney.
I'm really glad that your mother has come around, because she'll be helpful.
Good luck with everything!
Ayesha - posted on 06/02/2014
Hi everyone, my mom has eventually came round to it and said she will support me in every way possible which is a huge relief! As for my baby's father, we haven't spoken since he threatened to take me to court once the baby is here, I have a doctors appointment this week to find out exactly how far I am etc.. I'm kinda happy that I have the support from my mother but this whole situation with my babys dad is really getting me low, he tells me it would be unfair to the baby if I go through with this pregnancy and stuff, me and my baby's father have only met a few times and now I'm pregnant so it's a difficult situation, all he thinks about is HIMSELF, HIS feelings, HIS opinion and blah blah, tbh me and my child would be better off without him but that would be very selfish of me to deny my baby his/her dad as I grew up without mine and I know how hard it is! Thanks again for the support and advice & I'm sorry for dragging on lol xx
Callie Ann - posted on 06/02/2014
I know how you feel. I am also 17 and had to tell my parents that are devoriced and have different reactions. The father of my baby is eight years older than me and i just straight up told him that i am pregnant. After i was able to tell him that we both worked together to tell my parents. We had asked my dad to come over for supper and then tell him over supper but he never showed and i was talking to him over the phone and he was calm and said you got your self into it and know you have to take responsiblity of raising this child. Know telling my mom was different because i had to tell her over the phone and my sister knew before i told my mom so i got the phone call from my mom asking questions and getting yelled at but then at the end we worked things out and she is happy and excited because she is going to be a grandmother before she hits 51. I hope that kinda helps but after telling them they were mad for a week or so and then was over being mad and happy for me.
Amanda - posted on 06/02/2014
I was 19 when I got pregnant with my oldest. I told his father an he wasn't fully sure if I was telling the truth so my best friend an I went an got the test done turns out I was, that day I called him an he said nothing. So I went home to tell my mom cuz k knew telling her was gonna be easier then my dad. She wanted the prof first an I showed her an she was mad but after a few weeks it wore off. My sister over heard my mom talking on the phone about it an she cried. A month an half passed an I was back with the father an one night I stayed the night an my mom told me not to come home for a few days she just told my dad. I was scared to face my dad. My baby's father kept sayin it will be ok an he's gonna go talk to him an man up but never did. My dad finally came around 2 weeks later. An I moved back home. But as the farther I got along the worst my relationship with my baby's father got. When my son came it still didn't get better. By 2 months he left. I got an attorney an we went to court. Now I have full custody of my son. An after 3 years he's now paying child support. What's sad is my son down at even know his father or that family. He thinks my husband is his daddy an he is cuz he's been here since he was 8 months.
Every girl almost is terrified to tell their parents I was more terrified of telling my dad. But in my opinion you need to get a attorney an get a patenting plan, it will help alot.
I hope everything goes well for you hun
Angela - posted on 06/01/2014
Well at least telling them (mom and baby-daddy) gets one hurdle out of the way. Whew!
My daughters father did the same thing. Within only a few minutes of telling him I was pregnant he gave me the option of him or the baby. He said if I choose to stay with him he would assist me in paying for the abortion! I made my choice and he left. But like I said earlier he ended up coming back into our lives when our daughter was a year old. He filed for full custody. Of course he did not receive it but what surprised me was that the judge ordered joint custody at our first court hearing with myself having primary physical custody! Which means he has a 50/50 say in every aspect of our daughters life, she just lives primarily with me. Him not wanting the child and leaving played no role in the judges final decision. The judge stated he was an able and willing father with no criminal past who had 50/50 rights.
It was awful for awhile (awful is putting it mildly, it was down right terrible). But it did get easier and I continue to work hard to ensure that my daughter has the best possible relationship I can give her with her dad. It was vitally important that I set aside the feelings of contempt I felt for him. It's not easy and he continually manages to remind me just why I picked the baby over him in the first place.
Our daughter is 10yrs old now and we still occasionally have our flare ups. But they're few and far between and are not typically too bad. He's the party hardy every other weekend warrior father and I'm the mom with rules like bedtime, parental blocks on the internet, no rated R movies and "no you may not eat chocolate for dinner"!
I would advise you to keep a journal of everything that conspires between the two of you. My attorney had me record our telephone conversations as well as our in person conversations and print out copies of all emails and texts. It was annoying and often time consuming. Thankfully I never needed to use any of the material. I can understand though why my attorney advised me to do so and why it would be useful under certain circumstances. Depending on the type of disaster you stated that happened after you told him you were pregnant these may be useful tools for you as well. Getting an attorney is a good piece of advise. It would be nice if they were not needed but more often then not they are.
Well, I just realized it's 12:30 in the morning. I'm gonna hit the hay. Have a good day in the UK!
Gena - posted on 06/01/2014
He was silly enough to lie about his age,i guess he didnt use a condom..and now he acts like that.He should grow up and deal with it like a man.I hope u get all the support you need and that you get stuff sorted out with the court once you get the baby.Sending u big hugs!
Ayesha - posted on 05/31/2014
Hi guys, thankyou for your advice.. I'm actually in the UK so he wouldn't get into trouble for having sex with me but I'm not interested in getting him into trouble because it was also my decision to have sex with him.. I told my mum last night and she was extremely mad but I kind of expected that. We haven't really spoken about it much, I think she's just waiting for the whole "shock factor" to wear off.. I still haven't built up the courage to tell the baby's father, I'm extremely scared and nervous of his reaction or if I will even get a reponse.. I have decided that I will be going through with this pregnancy as it is my baby, my body and my choice.. Thanks again so much for the advice and support :)
Gena - posted on 05/31/2014
Wow Angela,sounds like you had a hard time.I hope things get easier for you. I for example was dating my husband when i was 19 and he was 36..We are married and have a son,my husband is a great father,he helps me when he comes home from work.My parents have also helped alot,my mom for example comes and gets my son on friday afternoons just to take him to a playground or park so that i get some hrs for me alone.
You see, i asked because like Angela said it would be ilegel where she lives.
Talk to mom,you never know,she might be happy and offer you all of her support,the same thing could be by the babys daddy..he might support you real well.You must just talk to them.Good luck
Stephanie - posted on 05/30/2014
Bring your best friend, your brother, another guy friend, your best friend's brother, or any combination thereof when you tell him. That way, in case things get, let's say, "ugly," you'll have that support with you. I would go with you, but I'm not sure where you're located. I'm in Kansas.
Whatever you decide to do from there, don't let anyone else bully you into a decision. This is YOUR decision. Not your mom's. Not the baby's father. Not your friends. NOBODY'S but yours. If you need to rant, or just need a "shoulder" to cry on, I'm available by phone or skype. >:D<
Ayesha - posted on 05/30/2014
Hello Stephanie, I've been thinking about it a lot and I think it will be easier to tell my mom then it would my baby's father. I was under the impression he was 19 and I come to find out he is 26, he hasn't spoken to me since we had sex so that was all he wanted from me so it's a difficult decision to make whether to actually go through with this or not. I will tell him, I'm just scared of his reaction and everybody else's because of our age difference. Thank you for the advice, love & hugs back x
Stephanie - posted on 05/30/2014
I know it's difficult, but the best thing to do is just tell them. If I were in your position, I would tell my mom first, and then tell the baby's father. If he is the type to question it, bring proof. If he is the type to be angry/upset, bring someone else for support. Good luck >:D< (hugs)
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