hello everything has been great my daughter is fresh back from aa and wants to smoke pot now .....yeah shit um dont want her to but yeah shes 19 and its my house and I say no....i ask why and she wants to relax she says....& thats the reason.......

Patricia - posted on 10/30/2012 ( 8 moms have responded )

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can anyone help me to convince her that her staying sober and finding another way to relax is better than puff the magic dragon.......

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Rachel - posted on 10/31/2012

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If she does stumble now when she moves out, that is much better than down the line. My parents used to say, "We would much rather you get the 'stupid' out of your system while at home - we can be your safety net while you are here. When you are grown, there is not usually such a safety net and consequences are much more severe." You have done your duty as a parent. She is 19-years-old. Let her stumble. She has to see how she is messing up. Take her in and support her when she is willing to do better. It is the idea of reward/punishment. When she is good, reward. When she is bad, punish (kick her out/don't let her back). As she is grown, the punish part is different than what it was when she was younger. You will have to focus more on positive reinforcement. Good luck!

Patricia - posted on 10/31/2012

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she has been doing so well now its starting to go to crap and Idont want to put up with it...its going to really upset me to the point that if this is what she thinks that she wants to do then maybe she should move out and fall down and see if she can recover on her own...without the guidence and support that we give her and the comforts of home......we have done this before and she moved back home because she was a mess.... I love her but I cant watch her go backwards and destroy all that shes been going to school for....

Patricia - posted on 10/31/2012

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I just cant believe its going this way it makes me so tired in every way .......

Patricia - posted on 10/31/2012

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oh yeah im gonna stay strong I have to thats how she started her sobriety was because I put up such a fight against all the crap she had done before...Then she has started college and it was good but she can become wishy washy and I stand her back up and send her on her way .... got rid of all the so called friends that were drawing her into drinking and drugs.she is also fighting depression but I dont believe in using that to do stupid stuff because its ineffective in helping it only makes it worse....

Rachel - posted on 10/31/2012

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If you think speaking to her sponsor would help, do it. She does need support, but you cannot force her. Also, as my dad said, "You cannot fight crazy logic with reason - crazy is contagious." She justifies it in her mind, but you will probably not understand her mindset. You don't have to. Just show love and support, but intolerance for her actions (not her - her ACTIONS). Stay strong.

Patricia - posted on 10/31/2012

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im not going to allow it but I dont want her to give up on her sobriety for her so called reason.... I just dont understand the way she is feeling and how she has arrived at this as a solution to her problem when its not what she needs....I want her to not have this give up attitude well thats what I call it ,she dosent agree.... I won the battle tonight but theres another day ,maybe I can dry snitch to her sponser and let her know whats going to happen and how my daughter is trying to smoke pot again.......what do you think let me know ...im so tired im gonna get some sleep I had her work out tonight to try to take her mind off it and make her tired...

Rachel - posted on 10/30/2012

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:/ Sadly, this falls fully on your daughter. Until she "mans up" and finds the inner strength to deal with her problems, that will be a life style. However, you can control where she does it. Your home, your rules. Lay down the law. She is an adult. Tell her you will call the cops. Kick her out. Whatever it takes. You will be held responsible if anyone catches wind of it (as you are allowing it to happen in your home).

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