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Lsnader008 - posted on 03/21/2012 ( 47 moms have responded )

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Ok so I have a 3 year old and I asked the same thing the other day about doctors office....But anyways how do you's get your child to sit at the grocery store for big shopping trips like cart full shopping trip my daughter sits 5 seconds and then wants to get out and run around I don't like that she runs around becasue someone I don't know can pick her up or she runs away If she would just walk next to me I could handle her walking but she dosen't listen. Today at the store she was screaming and crying and saying I'm hurting her when all I was doing was picking her up so I can get her to stop running around the store then I would try and pick her up and put her in the cart she would scream louder and ppl were looking at me with looks of EVIL like take care of your child look I could have cried I never had this happen before. I buckled her in the cart and she screamed for 5 minutes and then this older guy walked past me and rolled his eyes and then that was it I had to take her out again cuz I felt bad for the ppl around me some women were looking at me like I wanna help her men were looking at me like shut that kid up.....I came home and told my husband and all he tells me to do is spank her well I don't wanna do that in the store I do it at home but time outs are more my thing and that works (at home only though) I wanna be able to take my daughter to the store but I CAN'T if shes going to act like that and then I have aniexty so that just makes me aniexty worse. So please give me ideas I shouldn't have to get a sitter so I can go to the store that Is just a pain in the butt.....So please help would you let her cry and buckled in the cart or leave her at home....I feel like If I leave her in the cart buckled in ppl will just give me that look! Please help I just don't know what to do

Thanks

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She knows if she screams you will take her out... so quit taking her out. My son (4 next week) knows that walking in the store isn't an option unless we're only going in for one or two things. If I get a cart... he's in it. Period.



Take her for SHORT trips and let her scream if she must. You can let her know that if she lets you get the shopping done w/out her screaming then you will still have enough patience for something fun (something she REALLY likes to do), but if she screams then you are going straight home when the shopping is done. If she still screams... ignore her, get done what you must, and then leave.



If you CAN leave her home then go ahead and do that if it'll make it easier on you. Otherwise just get done what needs to get done.

Eleni - posted on 03/23/2012

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First off... IGNORE the people around you, they dont know why your child is acting like that. Make her sit in the trolley and keep explaining to her over and over its dangerous to be out of the trolley. Also involve her in shopping, let her choose the flavour of juice or what fruits she want etc. before you go to the store tell her if she is a good girl and helps you with shopping she can have a sticker or treat after your finished.

Wendy - posted on 03/23/2012

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Hello, sorry to hear you are having such a bad time of shopping. I have a friend whom has 2 that's right 2 children that do this through the entire shopping trip.We have never figured out why the kids do this.They are now 2,4 and guess what, they both still scream and cry all the way through the store. Just remember as bad as you may feel for the other shoppers, and as embarrassed as you may be, shopping has to be done. You will probably NEVER see these same people again in life so who cares what they think.I know how hard it is emotional, and the anxiety is off the charts but at some point she will get older and do better. Maybe you could take a friend or your hubby to distract her for you.I know leaving her at home is a much easier option, but in the long run she must learn how to behave and control herself in public places.Teaching these skills at a young age is more helpful for the long term.Remember children sense your anxiety so as hard as it maybe try to stay focused and relaxed and explain to her that this is a chore that will get done weather she screams or not.Maybe when she starts with the running around or not listening you could take her to a manager and have them explain why she must sit down,and stay quiet. I know you feel like you are not able to control the situation, but I do not remember a manual hanging off my kids foot when she popped out. Some children respond better to strangers speaking with them. It is our job as a mommy to TEACH and I am a firm believer in doing this with what ever help I may need. I do hope things get easier for you and your daughter. But just remember if you ever see me looking at you in the store with your child in a difficult moment. I will look with wonder an ask myself what can I do to help this mom? It takes a village sometimes and not enough people remember that. Good Luck!

Krista - posted on 03/23/2012

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I would suggest a couple of options. One option might be a kid-harness, that you can then tie to your belt, so that your child can walk, and explore within a safe radius, but not run away from you. That may be a good compromise.



Another option is to maybe have a special "grocery store" toy or book that she ONLY gets when you're at the store. Make it something really engaging and interesting, and let her know that she can only have it if she sits in the cart quietly.



And if worst comes to worst, and she DOES scream, and people are glaring, what goes a LONG way is to actually acknowledge it and apologize, and get only your basic necessities and get the hell OUT of there. Most people who get angry are angry not just because the kid is screaming, but because the parent appears to just be blithely ignoring it. A sheepish smile and a "Sorry -- she's having a REALLY bad day" can disarm most people.

Angelette - posted on 03/25/2012

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You poor thing!! I understand your anxiety but your child would be picking up on how you are feeling and it is a nasty cycle, the more tense and anxious you are, the more the child plays up! Try to ignore those nasty stares and know that you are doing your best. I have a very active 3.5 year old boy and a newbie, I have learnt from experience that my 3 year old struggles with sitting still and it is in my best interest to have a shopping list with me, to involve him and also before a shopping expedition, we go to a playground and I get him to run off some steam, we probably spend 45mins to an hour there and by the time we leave he is happy and alot calmer, I take snacks to the shop with us in a special little lunch bag, things like sultanas, chopped fruit, sandwhich etc he sits in the shopping trolley and eats his snacks as we are doing the weekly shop. I engage him in the shopping, what colour are these apples? Should we get the red ones or the green ones? How many? Can you help me count them? What should we have for lunch? Should we buy some chicken for our lunch? It makes the shopping trip a little longer but I leave with a happy child and I am also calm, it is a quality time and a learning experience all at the same time. Some days it doesn't work though and kids have bad days just like we do, I don't like to bribe him with treats for good behaviour because I expect him to behave well, bad behaviour results in the loss of a special thing he likes to do, I will warn him that if he continues to act in this way we will not go to the park to feed the ducks tomorrow because this behaviour is not ok. He usually turns around and he knows that I mean what I say.

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April - posted on 03/26/2012

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my daughter is now 11yrs old when she was 2-3yrs old she started running off from me in the store so one day i saw a husband and wife shopping for baby clothes i went to the father told him that the 2 little feet hiding under the clothes rack across from us was my daughter could he walk over pick her up and just start to walk off teach her a lesson and he did scarred her straight she never ran off again even at the age of 11 she still stays with me in the store shes not scarred to go grab stuff for me on the next aisle or anything but she nows that i time her and if shes not back soon enuf i go find her and she wont be allowed to do it again for awhile i say scare them straight lol

Rose - posted on 03/26/2012

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I have my daughter help me with my shopping. I leave my basket at one place in the isle, and she and I walk the isle for food. Once I grab what we need, I encourage her to run them to the basket and put it in. She loves this game. I allows her to help, stay moving, and focused. I wouldn't do it if the place is full ask some grumpy people don't like giggling running kids interupting their purchase of tuna... but It makes all the difference in the world.



Good luck

Sara - posted on 03/25/2012

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I had the same problem with my little girl she is nearly 3 so I tried to bribe her with things like hot chip chocolates etc and that worked for a couple of weeks then I said ok we won't go I did online shopping they bring it too home made life easy I did this for 2 months then she asked if we could go shopping I said ok but u have to sit in the trolley u get hot chips n a drink and if u stay there and be good eg no screaming or crying u want out u can have a surprise eg a lollie or ball out of vending machine n it has worked because she knows now if I am naughty I get nothing and I don't get to go out

Angela - posted on 03/25/2012

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Just leave the store if she behaves poorly and keep her in the cart until she learns to stay by your side get a box of granola bars or a pint of berries something priced by package and tell her if she sits nicely she gets this treat or involve her in your shopping she holds the list you read it off she helps you pick out the items

Angela - posted on 03/25/2012

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Just leave the store if she behaves poorly and keep her in the cart until she learns to stay by your side get a box of granola bars or a pint of berries something priced by package and tell her if she sits nicely she gets this treat or involve her in your shopping she holds the list you read it off she helps you pick out the items

Karina - posted on 03/25/2012

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I have 2 girls ages 3 & 6. I do large shopping trips for groceries because we live in a rural area and I try to conserve gas, so we're talking a cart so full that at check out I have to have a 2nd cart brought up and someone help push the 2nd cart to the car haha. I first of all don't think 3 is an age they should be walking in stores, it's too quick and easy for the unthinkable to happen...I'd say 4 is more appropriate age for that. Many people have already given good advice here...I too have always from the start told them up front how we behave in a store, no screaming or yelling, we use quiet voices, we stay seated etc etc...so I think telling them ahead of time what's expected goes a long ways. They need to know ahead of time, just like bedtime, we give multiple warnings that bedtime is coming, so when it is time to stop what they're doing and go to bed, it's no big deal because they knew it was coming...not just ok your done playing, bedtime now! It is good to entertain and distract in a lot of circumstances when it will make it easier on you. I don't really agree in the treat thing all the time because well you can't always be giving them something every time...that sets you up in a bad way for the long haul as your child will constantly be expecting prizes and treats from you for everything, there is a level of basic human behavior expectations that need to be met and that they need to learn...that's just how life works, does your boss give you a prize every day your not late? No, it's expected...so you can see how modeling this behavior can hurt your child in the long run. Now having said that, where your at may require some short term rewards to turn the behavior around, and that's up to you. I have let my children snack as we shop, I buy a package of cheese sticks, they can have 1 now etc. I am not buying something special for them, they are just aloud to have something now we were buying anyways. I have also let them play with something from the store while we shop sometimes but they know we are not buying it and it goes back on the shelf before we leave. Obviously your child has to be at an age and understanding not to put in mouth, damage packaging etc and it has to be something that is OK to be handled and returned unscaved. You can do the playing games and having them help a little too, but sometimes I'd say that can distract you and make the shopping take even longer. I converse with my girls, but we don't really play games while shopping because I am a get in and get out kind of shopper.

Which brings me to my next point...be prepared and organized. I always go to the same store, so I know it and know exactly where everything I need is. I always have a shopping list with everything I need. So when I am at the store it requires no thinking from me, I have my list, I get what's on it and get out. This leaves me to quickly move through the aisles, which in itself is a big help....if your constantly moving and the scenery is constantly changing your child is more entertained. If your pausing and standing still trying to think what you want or need, this is when your child will start to get bored and antsy sitting in the cart, start to act out which distracts you and again leads to it taking longer. A little prep before you go can make a huge difference. I also do not strap my kids in the cart. For some I understand this may be necessary but for me I found if they feel confined they will fight it, so I have never strapped them in and they always just sat in the seat and never stood up or tried to get out...again if your constantly moving they won't feel stable to stand up in a moving cart :)

Lastly, if they don't know what it's like, they won't miss it or want it. Something I have learned the hard way too haha....if a child is never let out of the cart to walk on their own, they don't know what they're missing....they just know "we're shopping and I'm in the cart where I always am when we shop".....once you let them roam, of course they are going to want to! So now your at a spot where you have given them the experience and they are fighting so much because your now trying to take it away and they feel punished and don't understand why. Which is a little harder to get back from but with communication and clear expectations reinforced by punishment you can get back from. My oldest was in swim class and my youngest was just barely walking...so I'd sit in the cement bleachers watching my oldest in the pool, while the youngest was either in her car seat or stroller...she was perfectly content to sit and watch. Until 1 day my husband did swim class, and he let the little one out and let her walk around, ha! what a nightmare that was for me the next class because once she was totally happy sitting and watching before, now she cried and wanted out! Let me tell you, chasing and keeping tabs on a 10mth old running around an olympic size pool was not my idea of safe fun. I had to work a little harder at bringing toys and books and keeping her engaged and distracted during swim class in her stroller, but a few times and it again was no big deal to sit and watch. So always think ahead...if I let them do it once, do I want to always have them doing this? Do I want to have to fight them to go back to the previous behavior I want? Or do I want to be tough and work through it now so this can continue until I am comfortable with the other option on a regular basis? These are questions to ask yourself before letting your child do things, just because they want to or are melting a bit. Was it OK for my 10mth old to wander around a giant pool? no not so relaxing for mom, on the other hand yes it's OK for her to wander around the field at big sister's Soccer practice....but you have to pick your battles, and be very consistent or it is that much harder to get back from! Also in almost every regard of parenting and behavior issues, I have found distraction works wonders!

Geneviève - posted on 03/25/2012

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My son tried the same thing a few times. Now, I just let him know that we are going to the store and if he wants to come with mommy, he has to behave. If he doesn't, then there will be consequences, like no t.v when we get back home.



I kindly but firmly remind him what's going to happen when we get to the store. Step 1: I tell him while we are getting out of the car what's expected of him and his behavior. Step 2: I put him in the cart, and remind him again that if he stays quiet and he's a good boy, he will get a treat before we leave. Step 3: when he's been good, we go choose something out for him.



Something that I found works with him is to get him involved in the shopping. I keep talking to him. I give him the list and ask him what else we need as we go down the isles. I make it fun and he feels like he's helping out. At the end of it all, I remind him how good he's been and then we can now go choose something just for him.



Hope this helps.

Aleks - posted on 03/25/2012

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Have you tried to get her to HELP YOU????



Little kids like that, especially toddlers, LOVE TO HELP. Get her to put in apples in the bag. Allow her to pick some herself. ask her to get you a cereal she may love (if it is reachable if not, pick her up and let her pick it off the shelf). Tell her the next item you will be looking to getting, saying something like: "ok, now we are going to get some milk. Milk for (...insert child's name...)." or "now we have to get some sugar... where do you think the sugar is?" or "do we want green apples or red apples? What about bananas? Would you like to choose some bananas?"

etc etc...



Do you get my drift? Get her involved in what you are doing. Let her think its a fun time not a boring chore time where she just has to put up with whatever you are doing or want to do. Let her think she gets a choice in what is going on at the time.

Stifler's - posted on 03/25/2012

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HOnestly I leave the kids at home if I'm getting a big shop. If it's only a few things we call in to the deli first and they give the kids a free cheerio. then i break out the arrowroots and tickle them until i've got everything and we leave.

Jenni - posted on 03/24/2012

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SCREW THE JUDGEMENTAL PEOPLE THIS IS YOUR CHILD AND YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO DISCIPLINE ANYWAY YOU LIKE!! When our child was young we always had her in the pram, then we bought a backpack that had a strap for us to hold, then she decided to us the strap on the pram, she now chooses to hold my hand or walk near me. Children are the same as us and just like us we like to have independence. Our rule is she must hold our hand near roads including crossing the road & parking areas, we must always be able to see her at all times! Before going out I would explain to your daughter that if she carries on again you will be going straight home (make sure it's not an important trip) and follow through. If that fails next time she stays home with dad (make sure you explain first) or someone else that isn't going to much fun otherwise she will want to stay with them instead of shopping, no matter how many times she says she will behave don't give in! Do this one or two times. Backpack with a strap for you to hold is another suggestion and don't remove it til you have gone a few weeks or more than 5 trips so she understands consequences! If she does play up when your out don't buy her anything and if you have don't give it to her and explain to her why your not giving it to her. At this age your best tool is EXPLAINING and CONSEQUENCES, these are what I find to be my best tool with my 3yr old. Another is I don't have a naughty corner - anywhere is a naughty corner and trust me I use it no matter where I am, your child doesn't like it when you stop her from doing what she is doing so making her sit on the floor and the second she goes to move tell her to sit. Before she gets up ask her why you made her sit, then explain to her that if she plays up again you are going straight home - and do so! Grab her hand and start walking out to the car, we get about metre or two and she changes her mind and we do stay - as long as she behaves. Explain to her in simple terms, short and sweet. Practice at home also, send her to her room (thou she will like her room yet she is away from you and gives you peace for 5mins lol) or corner, couch, floor anything!! Our child tells me now when she sees naughty children, I even say out aloud to my child (I don't care if I offend those parents who just want to sit and drink coffee and not watch their children) we don't do what those children are doing because it is naughty. If we don't teach our children from right from wrong society so as hell doesn't!!

Johanna - posted on 03/24/2012

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You know I used to be that person giving the evil looks until I had a child. Let her scream. I know people will look at you but they will understand. Any mother, father, grandparent or guardian will knew what you are going through.

Dianne - posted on 03/24/2012

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let her help u shop for things like things she like fruit let her pick out the apples and stuff like that ceral it might take longer but she will like helping mommy

Lsnader008 - posted on 03/24/2012

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Thank you everyone so glad that I'm not the only one having problems like this! I took her to the doctor yesterday and I promised her a slushy after the doctor if she was good and It worked I don't care if I have to brib her my mom got us stuff at the store we do dicipline but its not far if I'm getting a pack of gum and shes not getting any so she was good at the doctor and she got her reward. Also before I do anything I make sure she has a nap becasue latley she hasn't been wanting to take naps but If we go anywhere she gets her nap! Thanks again everyone!!! MOMS ARE AWESOME! :)

Bethany - posted on 03/24/2012

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I have a 1 year old and a 2 (almost 3) year old, and a 3rd due in a few weeks... right now, my 2 year old has routines at the different stores we go to... if they have the racecar type kid carts, he will sit in those with his brother and have a good time. If not, he gets to be a "big boy" and help mommy push the cart, because the 1 year old HAS to sit in the cart. I'm pretty lucky, as he doesn't run away, but we started this routine very early, since baby brother needed to be on the cart when we were out which kinda helps, I think, though every kid is different. We talk about all the types of food he recognizes, if I'm buying things that aren't fragile or heavy, I give them to him to put in the cart for me. He actually loves helping out, and will help me at checkout (if there aren't too many people waiting behind me. I always thank him and praise him enthusiastically for how helpful he is, and what a good job he does staying with the cart, and I think that helps.



We did have one "off" day that stands out in my mind where he threw a temper tantrum the whole time, and I used buckling in the cart that day as a punishment and told him he couldn't get down until he calmed down and obeyed, and carried my other son. He screamed the rest of the trip... luckily, all the other customers were grandparents or moms... so I didn't get a lot of looks except of grinning understanding, and one of them told me "Good job mom" at the end of the trip for sticking to my guns! LOL! But even with "looks," I think options for that situation are a) ignore the looks and stick it out, or b) leave the store and give time-outs in the carseat. (Strapping them in a carseat and shutting the door so they're in the car by themselves while you wait outside, ignoring their tantrum also makes a good time out, and they know you're serious! Do this consistently enough times, and she might decide it's worth her while to behave!)

Lori - posted on 03/24/2012

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Hi My 3 yr old did the same thing. I put him on a baby harness,and then asked him to help me get some groceries. It work out great because it made him forget what he was crying about before. Hope this helps.

Jessica - posted on 03/24/2012

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Pay no attention to all those ignorant ppl who roll their eyes let them see you are trying to teach your child to sit and do as she is told, my daughter is only allowed to walk in the shop if she has her reigns on my son is 7 and he knows that if does not walk next to the cart at all times then he will get his wrist reigns on which he dosent want to have happen! I do not allow ppl to make me feel bad about making my child do what I want in the shops!

Selina - posted on 03/24/2012

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Shopping trolley wrh my 2.5 yr is ok i pass her the thngs she putz them in trolley slso she hols the shopping list if she strts bein naughty to distract her she does annoy the crap out of baby sista if we cn get a trolley that holds toddler and baby the biggest prob is getten her to sit in pram wen i get to get tjngs dnr fast cse shr liles to run off wen i carry bubs on ke in carrier and olda one wont get into pram i make the buckle up and let her scream pple look but i dnt cre but i also got her a bkpak wth a lead so she cn walk independetly but cnt run away she luvs it cse she feels free

Dolorese - posted on 03/23/2012

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You need to stop worrying about what people are saying or thinking. You are her mother and you love her, and you are trying to raise her to be a valuable addition to society when she is an adult. You need to take your job seriously and decide what is acceptable and what is not and be consistent with it. Can you leave her at home? If yes, do so! (Nothing is more enjoyable than shopping without kids!) If she must come, explain to her what to expect while shopping and how she must act. If she misbehaves, leave everything in the cart and go o the car with her, (this is where you can discipline privately without anyone criticizing) remind her how you expect her to act. If she is ready to try again, do it. If it turns into a full blown temper tantrum, go home, leave her with dad or hire a sitter if you need to shop that day. Always keep your anger at bay while teaching new tasks.

Melanie - posted on 03/23/2012

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I think most every parent has had this issue with their kid at some point in their child's life. So dont be embarrassed when those people look at you upset or angry...who cares about them anyways...its all about you and your child is how i look at it. Some parents feel it's worse for them. Most of the time the child is freaking out cuz they are feeding off our energy. I've noticed if my husband goes shopping with me and the kids, it almost always turns into a huge melt down cuz if one doesn't listen the other doesn't and husbands anxiety kicks in and he argues with me and then baby cries. I have to tell my husband to chill out or go to the car. Then I breathe, calm down, smile and laugh with the kids I gain control back. When I'm alone with the kids (2 yr old in particular) I will talk about what groceries we are getting and let him help pick which ones. My 5yr old and 8yr old I let them weigh the fruit and veggies and smell and test for freshness. And when I walk in I go straight to the fruit (my kids the fruit) and tell them if they are good they can pick whatever they want if they behaive. Sometimes I'm the only one that walks out eating a treat and kids nothing (not even my husband). Then they know it's not just them that had to be good it's mom too. My baby loves it.

Kristal - posted on 03/23/2012

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I have never had this problem with my 3 year old so I can't give you an on hand advice, however my Mom said when we were little she would just park the cart somewhere and leave. She'd take us home and send us to our rooms until she was calmed down from being upset for having to leave the groceries at the store. When my Dad got home, she went back to the store and did her shopping without us. She also said she used to threaten that she'd leave the store without us if we didn't stay by her side, and that some stranger would take us home instead....we didn't leave her side much after that comment! I hope you can find something that works, I couldn't imagine not being able to have a fun shopping experience with your daughter. Good luck!

Leonie - posted on 03/23/2012

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I totally agree with Julianne. I encourage my 3 year old son to be involved with helping me find things when shopping. If I am by myself (usually hubby helps) with both boys then they are in the shopping trolley. I try and shop after their naps so they are not tired and cranky and I take distractions such as snacks etc. Praising him whilst we are out does work " I love how you are sitting quietly for mummy, I am so proud of you for listening etc". (even though I am a school teacher and do praise in the classroom I have to remind myself to do it for my own kids lol). Before we go shopping I talk to my son about the rules- listen to mummy, no touching stuff in shop, quiet voice. We have only just started this and I am a big believer in rewards- stickers, a sweet, cookie whatever. Rewards are an integral part of our lives, we go to work and get rewarded with a paycheck. I sometimes use a harness ( it looks like a backpack with a monkey on it-so cute) . If my son tantrums (and he has. Full flat on floor in shopping aisle screaming his head off yelling at me to stop hitting and pinching him- meanwhile I was at a distance from him, not touching him at all and wanted to drop through the floor with embarrassment. He does

Not get what he has tantrumed for and we leave. He goes to his room when we get home for time out which he hates. ). People will always judge, ignore or apologize, but the rest of us mums know that tantrums and whatever other bad behaviours do happen despite the best laid plans!

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Ignore people and leave her in the cart. I have 4 kids ages 5, 4, 2, and 10 mo. and have to take them with me everywhere. With the older two I have done time outs in the store if I'm going to be in the same place for a few mins (like if I'm comparing products) I'll have them sit legs crossed on the floor. When they're too young for that they have to sit in the cart. I'll go on shopping like nothing is happening if they're screaming in the cart. If you take her out of he cart when she screams, she wins and it reinforces the behavior instead of stopping it.

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My 3 year old has her own little cart that we take with us into the store. We don't use it so much anymore as she will push the big cart and I walk along the side and guide it. She knows if she wanders off or pulls things off the shelves, she goes right into the cart. I also point to things that she can reach to put into the cart.

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My daughter (2.5 years) hardly ever sits in the shopping cart. There are a few things that work for us.



Go at a time when she is not tired and when the shop isn't too busy.



Constantly talk to your daughter.



Let her help to either find stuff or give her stuff to put into the basket.



One of the shops we go to has a restaurant with a kids corner upstairs. She normally gets a few sausages there (favourite food), there are always some kids to play with and she can push the button on the elevator on the way up. It's not a treat, but more like our little routine every Saturday morning. I will mention this throughout our shopping trip.



I think involving your child and making it fun can really go a long way. I don't think this is the same as bribing your child into good behaviour. It's changing your shopping trip from something your child has a hard time tolerating to something positive, where she might even learn something (so many possibilities here!).



Good luck!!!

Jessica - posted on 03/23/2012

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try giving her something to eat like fruit or cookies. it helped with my son. also if the store has little shopping carts let her push one of them and have her fill it up with stuff you need. both work for my son who is 3 going to be 4

Laurie - posted on 03/23/2012

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The definition of a bribe usually means doing something illegal or wrong. There is nothing wrong with a reward for being good as long as there is a flip side of consequences for bad behavior. It is just plain hard to shop with a 3 year old. Experiment to find what works best for you and ignore anyone who is judging you. Some kids are easier than others and different methods work for different families. Ask him what he would like as a reward (within several choices). I find it easier to shop with twin girls (now 4 years old) than with my oldest when he was three. He was just crazy in the store & I did walk out with him thrown over my shoulder several times.

Diana - posted on 03/23/2012

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I want to comment from the other side. When I am shopping and have to be near the mom/child who are having an issue, I occasionally have a casual conversation with the mom (and sometimes a kid if they're friendly). A little sympathy and understanding can help a mom calm down, which sometimes helps the child. I tell her that she is doing ok and that most of us remember that age and wish we could help. I smile at the little one and might say something like, "Look what a big boy/girl you are, sitting up and keeping mama company!"

And I remind the mom that kids that age are doing all the typical things: testing their boundaries, exploring every motion and option, ... being kids. And that it's ok.

So far I've never been rebuffed, and regularly get smiles and kind words in return.

Sally - posted on 03/23/2012

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Some kids don't sit still well and are very strong willed. If she won't walk with you, she will have to be buckled into the cart for safety. She will cry and scream. Kids will do that. You just have to ignore the people who look at you. It's easier to ignore them if you are payng attention to your kids instead of the other people in the store.

Good luck

Julianne - posted on 03/23/2012

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No matter what you do there will ALWAYS be people who disapprove of your parenting and let you know it, through staring, comments, etc, but they do not walk in your shoes. You do what you need to do for your family and don't worry about those people (I know from experience, it's hard) I went through the same thing, its just part of being a mom. I had a monkey backpack for my daughter (a "leash" kind) that she LOVED to wear. People gave me looks and made comments, but you know what, at the end of the day, I know whats best for MY strong-willed toddler. They can go "suck it" lol I just gave them looks right back. There are some times when it is appropriate to remove your child until they calm down (like at a restaurant), but a full grocery cart is not one of those times. I bring snacks and have my daughter "help" me pick things out, like fruit, etc. A lot of grocery stores give kids free cookies at the bakery, my daughter knows if she behaves, she gets a cookie (at the end) Also, when she was younger my husband and I always did the grocery shopping together, so it makes it easier. I don't know if it is possible to engage your husband more, but it helps immensely. Good luck, and remember, being a mom is by nature a humbling but awesome experience and you will look back at these times and laugh one day...

Ruth - posted on 03/23/2012

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If you can stand it, ignore the looks from strangers and let her have her tantrum. I used to wait until my husband got home and take him with me. Then if my child acted up, he or she was taken outside and didn't get to enjoy the trip to the store. Bad behavior must never be rewarded just to spare you some embarrassmen or anxiety.The people staring at you have or had children and know how they can and do act in public. Good luck.it will pass in time.

Jill - posted on 03/23/2012

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I can't believe all the people bribing their kids to behave!! What ever happened to discipline? Your child should NOT get a prize for behaving...I agree with Amanda, teach them consequences for their actions and they will learn quickly...kids will get away with what you allow them to!!

User - posted on 03/23/2012

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If she is 3 she should understand actions and consequences so I would talk to her before even leaving for the store. Start with some short trips, and make it clear to her in advance that if she rides in the cart nicely she gets a treat, and if she screams she still rides in the cart but gets no treat and you go straight home after the store. Explain it to her many times! And most importantly, follow through no matter what! If you cave she will not learn. If you outlast her she will stop fighting after a few times. I always have to give myself a pep talk with this type of situation ("I am the boss, this will be over soon, just get over the hump!"). My kids (2 & 4) pulled the screaming in the cart thing, and I had to buckle them in and not give in several times before they got the message. Also, treats afterward plus snacks / toys for the cart help. Good luck, you can do it!!

Amanda - posted on 03/23/2012

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Just like I said to the other mother about children misbehaving in public. LEAVE, go home, no child likes to go home over being out and about. It will take a few times but she will learn. Right now your daugther has all the power, because she knows you will keep shopping, and do nothing to stop her from misbehaving. So take your power back and go home. Trust me, the food in the grocery store, and the clothing or whatever else you are shopping for will still be there later that day, or the next day!

Heather - posted on 03/23/2012

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http://www.tagalongkids.com/ OR Hold-On Handles! They clip onto strollers and shopping carts easily. You also need to teach your daughter how to stay near you when your in the store and when it's ok to run a little, and when it's not ok.



You could also give her a sucker, snacks, keep her busy playing with a $1 toy. Spanking her isn't going to work. Otherwise, leave your daughter with her dad while you go grocery shopping. Go when she goes to bed, so that she is sleeping while your gone. That's what I will be doing when baby #3 comes along. But my kids are pretty good for the most part when we are done shopping, because I promise them a reward when we are done. We only go twice a month, so spending a few bucks every shopping trip adds up, BUT, it's for my own sanity.

Mandy - posted on 03/23/2012

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I have a 2 year old and a 4 year old and neither has had a harness or been strapped down if they don't want to be. One thing that has always worked really well is giving them a task - e.g. Can you find me the ...?? Works especially well if its a familiar store. They are 'in control' which is what they want and also it makes the whole experience a happy one for everyone. The other part is I set the expectations with them prior to entering the store. If you do this and you're prepared to follow through, they learn to stay with you. E.g. If you run away or do not do as mummy asks we'll leave the store and you miss out on telly time, or get one less story at bedtime etc. When they do inevitably run away or do not do as you ask, give them one 'reminder' of the rules (get them to tell you what they are) and if they do it again IMMEDIATELY leave the store. Leave the trolley etc and go back to the car and leave. No arguing, no discussion, no parental pleading, just leave. In the car explain that they broke the rule and the consequence is that they lose xyz that night. Worked a treat for me after two attempts, though I did get strange looks abandoning a cart mid-shop but nothing worse than the looks you get with a screaming kid! Just pick a week where you're really organised to you can do a 'nothing' shop so you're not missing out on getting the weekly food in.

Claire - posted on 03/23/2012

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My daughter is almost 3 and is great when we go to get shopping! I pass some items to her and she places them in or things at her eye level she can pick off the shelf. It makes it so easy and she knows if she behaves and helps mummy she will get a little treat x

Katelyn - posted on 03/23/2012

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Omigosh...I just posted about this myself 30 seconds before I found your post. My son has this new found independence where he thinks he should be in charge of everything. We went to the store he refused to go in a cart told me he would walk. Then he told me we needed to go this way and I said wait a minute we have to go this way first. He dropped to the floor and threw a temper tantrum. I scooped him up and out to the car he went. He screamed and flailed for a 1/2hr in the parking lot with everyone coming and going. If I do get him into a shopping cart though...he is in for the long haul. He does not get out until we are back at the car. If he behaves at the store, we will let him pick out a toy (not an expensive one). He holds the toy until we pay for it and then it goes into the bag. Once we get him in the car then we will give him his toy. I generally don't do large shopping trips ever. I usually will go n get a few things on this day if his dad picks him up from daycare that way I don't have to take my son. I agree though 100% that you shouldn't have to find a sitter just to go grocery shopping. I hate the idea that I have to hurry in and out grab a few things then pick him up from daycare or grab a few things each day because its too difficult to take him.

Sudha - posted on 03/23/2012

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We had to deal with same problem when my son was 3+.He was curious and hyper..loved running around and hated to be tied down.So I would suggest to pre-occupy ur child with hand toys or books that would engage her for at least 15mins.Do your shopping during ur child's less active(or least energetic) times.Talk to them often about strangers and what could happen if she/he runs around while ur shopping.Also it helps if u talk to ur kids while they r seated in shopping cart..about the veggies or grocery that your buying.You can ask them about the color or make up a story of the food or play some alphabet game etc.Some groceries have shopping carts with small cars in front.Make sure till the problem is solved you buy something(food maybe) in child's interest...making them feel shopping is learning as well as a special time with parent and if they r patient they maybe rewarded..trust me ... many times that helps!Hope it helps.

One word of advice...kids cry all the time for diff reasons....there is no need to be embarrassed just bcos people stare at you....I have been there too..when I stopped worrying about people it helped me to be more relaxed about the situation..that also made my son realize that throwing tantrums is not going to help him......Just smile back at the people who stare.I'm sure they would have been parents at sometime.

Katie - posted on 03/23/2012

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I use the carts that have a car for my son to sit in and if he sits in it until we are done he can pick out a treat in line. We only do big shopping trips about once a week so I do not mind him getting a candy or gum once a week :)

Lisa - posted on 03/23/2012

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We had the problem of running off a lot too. Generally if she behaves well she will get m and m's. Usually if my daughter is being good and sitting still, I will let her have them before we are done, buys some more time. It is one of the worst feelings ever to be in the sore and have your child make a fool of you, or feel like you've lost her. We didn't have this problem much until I started going with a friend who had an older daughter, my daughter them wanted to do what the older one did, and it created problems.

Lsnader008 - posted on 03/23/2012

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Thanks! But what about ppl giving me stares and ppl who hate that I just feel bad for them they don't wanna listen to that.

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