HELP!

Brandi - posted on 12/04/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I left my daughters dad when she was a year old. He has been an alcolholic and drug abuser for many years and been in trouble with the law many times. I didn't know about the drugs until I was pregnant and being young and nieve,searching for love, I believed him when he said he would change. He abused me a few times when I was holding our daughter after she was born and the last time he blacked out and had me pinned down choking me until I started to pass out. Our daughter was standing there screaming, " no daddy!" He finally let go of me and I left him for good that day. And of course I never went to the police, which I regret every day.

She is now 6 yrs old. A year and a half ago I went to the friend of the court to get it on paper that I have full custody of her because she started school and I knew I couldn't protect her there. In fear that he would get on a binge and kidnapp her, I did this so that the police could get her back. He's never tried to kidnapp her but that doesnt mean he wouldn't, his thinking is insane when he drinks.

Her father has barely been apart of her life. It took him 9 months after I left him before he finally saw her. He would set dates up to get her and then never show or return my calls. This has been a continuing issue. She hasn't seen him in 2 yrs. She doesn't ask for him nor say she wants to see or talk to him. The only people she asks for are her brothers who she calls when she wants to.

The judge ordered him one wkend a month visitation to start and go from there. The first month he called me a few times,one of which he left a voicemail and was drunk. I have documentation of each time he called and left a message. I also contacted our case worker and informed him of the message and told him I fear for her safety if she went with him. The case worker advised me to continue to document and keep him updated and if he threatened me to call the police. After that month he stopped calling. Its now been a year and a half and he has not once tried to see or talk to her. He has my address and phone number and goes to my mothers on occasions to talk to her husband. Never asking about our child.

Two days ago I received a letter from the court saying I have 21 days to respond in writting if I have or have not violated the custody/parenting time. He gives one date where he claims it was that last time he saw her and says hes tried since then,but I have proof of no contact. I printed my phone bills with all incoming and outgoing calls for the last 12 months, as far back as they go. Now I have to write the letter. I'm not sure what all to include. I also want to get him out of her life for good. Each time he comes around and leaves she's crushed. She gets angry and acts out,has nightmares, and cries for the first week everyday. She is finally happy and considers my fiance as her father.

It's not what happened between him and I when we were together,its what he does that the problem. He always drinks and drives with the kids in the car and gets violent when he drinks. I fear for her life when he had her before and still do everyday. He isn't responsible nor trustworthy. What do or can I do? How do I protect her?

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Lakota - posted on 12/04/2012

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I think you should get an attorney as soon as possible. It's great that you documented everything. Bring it all with you when you talk to the attorney. Also mention that you talked to the case worker about your fears. Tell the attorney everything you wrote here. I'm sure there is even more than what you shared with us. Don't wait to do this.

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