Kim - posted on 10/30/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )
Met a man over a year ago and the relationship was great, with the exception it is a long distance one. 3 hours travel. Fell in love and he was attentive and loving. He has elderly parents and they are ill so it is up to him to do some assistance. He works a lot and has not been there for me the last few months .. ie did not come for a day surgery, missed my birthday as he said he was worn out from work etc. He has stated so many times he would move here in a heartbeat if not for his parents and that one day we will marry. I pushed a bit the issue of late that i seem to have to wait until he feels the time is right for us to get together for weekends etc. He is great with my child, we love spending time together etc. Well, after requesting a little more of an understanding on where we were headed after one year,,, he broke up with me. We are middle age, i have a great job and financially in a pretty good position where as he works hard shift work. Prior to the breakup he said he had to talk to me on issues of his past. And that he hoped I would stay with him after he told me. So then over the computer he breaks up wtih me and floors me with the fact he is a recovering addict, crack user.... 6 years clean... but went through hell in the years of his addiction adn recovery. In and out of rehab,, a few suicide attempts. I was dumbfounded. He said he felt pressure from all sides and due to his knowing himself and the addiction, he could not take the guilt of disappointing me and needed to take care of himself. So he left me. I am devastated taht he did nto tell me a year ago when we were first starting out. He has never married, and so I repeatedly told him I did nto wish to be another woman in a long line for him. If this was just for fun I was nto interested. I was not pressuring him the whole year, just going with the flow of his schedule. But wanted to see him more often, which still was only every few months. He kept telling me he hoped I would hang in,, and he was afraid I would not be able to deal with his need to stay where he was due to his parents. During the conversation it became clear that he feels he owes his parents and thus can not leave them, despite having two other sibs close by. I see there is a lot of issues, co dependency etc. But just shocked and floored by all this. Looking for insite and trying not to feel like i was led down a garden path.