Suzanne - posted on 11/28/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )




How to start and put this in short form. My daughter turning 17 says I don't listen to her. Asks me my option but doesn't believe my response. Says she wished she I never had me. Calls me a bitch all the time cause sometimes I say no. She Keeps telling me I need a mom who cares. I tell her I do and still calls me a liar. I but her smokes every 3 days cause it will make things worse if I don't ppl say stop but they don't live in my place I rent a condo and she will scream punch holes break things it's just easier to give. I can't be thrown out so I do it to keep the peace and buy her other little things and she can't even through the garbage I mean she will but it's when she wants. She has no respect for me at night time when she playing around laughing loud keeping me up all night and then fights me in the morning to go to school. She tells me she hopes karma will get me. She will be nothing like me when she has kids she will be the best mother. Well I hope so but right now she's not working not dedicated to school and she's turning 17. I'm going threw early stages of treatment for cervical cancer. She knows this and I'm stress about it but don't show it and she can see at times when I'm not feeling well and she can still tell and tell me I'm pathetic sometimes I cry and she says stop making this about you. It's not all about you. I feel like I can't wait till she's 18 she just gives such a negotiable feel in the house. I love her to bits but she's hitting the heart all the time and it's hard to stay in control when you want to bit her face back. She doesn't like me I no this and it's possible ppl say no she loves you blah blah but if they would see. She's only happy when she gets what she wants and that's when it's not earned just given. Going back to the arguing yes I do argue but I try so hard not to and 97 % of the time I don't but I can stay mad and quite for a while and she still doesn't get why I'm mad. So she thinks I'm always mad at her well really i am cause she says the most hurtful words ever and it kiss me. Sorry for ranting but am I crazy ?


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Rebekah - posted on 11/28/2013




I don't think you are crazy. I think she sounds really angry and has the control in your home. This didn't happen overnight, and it won't be fixed overnight, but you can do something. You need support in drawing some boundaries for her...whether you seek counseling and get support there, or if you get family-based services and get help for the both of you to bring some peace to your home.

You sound worn down, so I'm sure it is appealing to do the easier thing by buying her cigarettes, however, doing things just to keep her quiet and "happy" is not doing her any favors as a parent. In fact, its "teaching" her to throw a fit to get what she wants, so expect the behavior to continue. (If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten. So YOU have to make a change if you want to see her change.) If she starts throwing a tantrum (yelling, punching holes in the walls, etc) she is manipulating you to do what she wants. When she does turn 18, and if you get her out of her home, she will be at a loss to know how to cope in the real world if she thinks she can get her way by acting this way. And further, if she is screaming and punching holes in the walls when she's mad... is it a bigger problem than just manipulation? Does she have a mood disorder, or a conduct disorder, for example? I'm not looking to slap a label on things, but I bring it up only because if it is a problem on a larger scale and becomes identified, then she may be eligible for more help (counseling services). Depending on where you live, it may behoove her to get the help now while she's still a minor.

If she is unwilling to cooperate with any kind of help, then in the very least you need the help for yourself to get the strength to do what you need to do. If she is making your home unsafe (being destructive, being verbally/emotionally abusive with you), then you may seriously need to take a "tough love" route with her and draw those boundaries. See if there is a place where you can send her if she crosses those lines (another family member? or possibly a therapeutic youth shelter of sorts... there's one in my area, but I don't know how common that is elsewhere). She needs to understand how to follow rules and be respectful. If she has anger issues, she has healthy options for getting that out if she needs to...but its not ok to take it all out on you. Make those options available to her.

Best wishes on your cancer treatment... I'm sure that raises the stress level for both of you tremendously. Reach out for as many supports as you can.

[momoftwo] - posted on 11/28/2013




No you're not crazy she's being a brat. And sorry to hear about the cervical cancer, my mom had it too. She beat it thank god and I know you will too.

She needs to get help and is possibly hanging around with the wrong crowd. Any chance she is doing drugs?

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