Kelsey - posted on 07/06/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )




Okay. So I am almost 19 years old and me and my fiancé are getting married when he gets back from basic in September. But, I have a son with someone else. He barely sees him. Maybe once or twice a month. We've never been married and I was told he has no legal rights. He has no job, no car, he parties. But he says he don't want my son living with me and my fiancè cause he don't want my son around another guy. My fiancé is in the military and thinking about doing active duty. If we have to move states will I get in trouble for taking my son without his fathers permission although he don't have any rights? If he takes me to court, will I still have my son? Will the judge tell me I can't live with my fiancé because my sons dad doesn't want my son around another guy? I just need help! :( My fiancé does a lot more for my son than his real dad does. My fiancé has bought my kid stuff and his real dad hasn't bought him anything!


Ev - posted on 07/06/2014




First, take a deep breath and calm down. How old is your boy?

You need to take the following steps now:
1) Hire a lawyer to find out what the family law is in your state.
2) Just because the dad is not in your son's life as much as he should be and does not help out and so on does not mean he does not have rights. If he takes it to court he can get a Paternity test done. IF it proves him the father then he can get rights for visits and other things. IF it proves he is not the father, then he is out of luck.
3) Once paternity is set otherwise, then you need to set up for custody, child support, and visitation. If dad wants to go with the visitation then there will be some ground rules concerning that put in the visitation and custody. In most cases, if a parent is moving no matter married or not, the judge and the other parent have to agree to the move. If not you are stuck. If dad agrees and the judge as well, it has to work with a visitation dad can handle including you having to provide some of or half of transportation or costs there of.
4) The only reason his dad can say he does not want the boy around your fiance is if your fiance can be proven a danger to your son. If that can not be proven, then your child's dad can not keep him out of the picture.
5) UNDERSTAND THIS: Setting up custody, visitation and child support does take time. You can not expect it to just be done by the time you fiance gets back from his basic training. You have to abide the court orders once they are done. And that means you and the father. In most cases anymore, judges try to do some sort of joint custody. And that may be the option used here but then again it might not.
6) Without the custody orders in place, your ex has as much right to your son as you do.
7) If you do move without the court orders and so on, your ex can file with court and drag you and the boy back to the state you live in and then you have to go with what the judge decides because if you move and dad can not see his son even sporadically, then it could be taken as Parental Alienation.

I know this is a lot of information but the best bet is to go to a lawyer. Most of them allow you a free visit so you can find out which one works best for you. Also keep in mind its best to find one that does work in family law because they specialize in that area.

1 Comment

View replies by

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms