help

Bethamy - posted on 10/24/2015 ( 34 moms have responded )

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My sons father has had custody of my son since 2011 ok well he got remarried and has recently been put in jail looking at a year to five years. I want to file for full and sole custody, but will the step parent have and say so?

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MaryAnn - posted on 10/27/2015

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Seriously... Talk to a lawyer.
If you have no place to live, you'll probably be bouncing him place to place as well. Its fairly natural she would bounce him place to place, its not likely your ex and she had an "incarceration plan"... Clearly he and you didnt have one either.
On top of the place to place, you would be dealingg with a child grieving not only the loss of his father (to jail) and his stepmother (to YOUR feelings) while trying to form a new relationship with him because he likely has little memory of having you as the first authority figure to turn to...
If your lawyer thinks its a fair shot, go ahead, but remember that even if you hold your rights, your child is in a very unfamiliar situation without any familiar first line of support. He will probably need counselling to deal with the grief and change, you will probably need counselling to figure out how to properly reform your relationship.
Im very sorry that things are the way they are, but I urge you to understand that this woman is doing everything she can to help this situation. If you do end up with custody, I urge you to allow your son to continue his relationahip for her. Believe me, you will need help, and a pre existing, caring woman's, nay, ant extra hands... Will be a blessing.

Sarah - posted on 10/25/2015

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If you have joint legal custody, then why does step mom have it as well? In typical arrangements both bio parents share custody and the step parents have zero legal right to the child. Are you not sharing something you should tell us to help you make a proper decision? This is not a place of judgement but one of support and advice.
Let's pretend your ex dies; you should be able to pick up your kids and be their primary custodian without a moments notice...why is this not the case with your ex in jail?

Jodi - posted on 10/24/2015

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That's a really odd custody arrangement.

Definitely talk to the lawyer. And make sure you take your current custody orders with you.

Jodi - posted on 10/24/2015

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If she is named as having joint primary physical custody with him, and you aren't, then there is obviously a reason you were removed from custody. It is very unusual for a step parent to get joint custody of a child unless there has been an adoption take place, unless you have been stripped of all rights, or unless child protection has been involved and they have arranged the documentation stating this.

Michelle - posted on 10/24/2015

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It could depend on why you lost custody in the first place. You should get yourself a lawyer and ask them.
The step parent doesn't have any rights though, you have them as the bio parent.

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Bethamy - posted on 10/30/2015

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I have spoken to a lawyer and he advised me to get my own place and a job before court so that's Wat I'm working on

Jodi - posted on 10/29/2015

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You posted this question 5 days ago. You have been advised, be SEVERAL people, to talk to a lawyer because we don't know your specific circumstances. In the last 5 days, what steps have you actually taken to talk to a lawyer - have you at least made an appointment? Because if you haven't, my advice to you is, you mustn't REALLY want your son back that badly.

Michelle - posted on 10/29/2015

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Like we keep saying, get yourself a lawyer. You keep shooting down any suggestions here.

Bethamy - posted on 10/29/2015

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I have been active in his life and she just wants him where she can get benefits like tanff where she can have money she don't even have her own kids so Wat makes her think she needs my lil boy

Sarah - posted on 10/29/2015

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Legally does she have the right to keep him from you? Is she the guardian in you ex's absence? if yes, then go to court. Keep in mind the stress your kids are under, dad is in jail, they may have to move in with mom (whom I am sorry to say) has not had an active role in their lives for the last 5 years. What is best for the kids right now?

Bethamy - posted on 10/28/2015

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Every other weekend and good relationship with him and he is eight I have asked him before if he would want to come back and live with me and his answer was I would but I don't have any kids to.play with so

Sarah - posted on 10/28/2015

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A better job does not equal a better parent, so I don't buy the whole he had money so he got the kid argument. If you have a safe clean apartment and the means to raise him, then he should be in your care. However, if stepmom is the only maternal figure he has known for five years, then is it fair to pull him from her? Dad is already in jail and this poor kid needs all the stability he can get right now. How often did you have him for visitation? What is your relationship like? How old is he?

Bethamy - posted on 10/27/2015

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That's why I'm goin to get a place for me and him and that's why I am.asking everyone for their advise so I appreciate every one for all yalls advice

Coni - posted on 10/27/2015

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Ok, I am not trying to judge but it's nearly impossible for a mother to lose custody of a child. For your child to be taken from you and your ex given primary custody, it must have been more than you not cleaning your apartment. I would advise you to think long and hard about what you are preparing to do right now to your kid. You have no job and no place to live. Your son has lived in a stable home for at least the last 5 years. It's clear your ex isn't perfect if he's going to jail. But do you really want to shake his life up even more that it already has been by taking him from his home and moving him with you where you admit you have no stability and will not allow his step-mother to have any contact with him ever again because you don't like her? It doesn't sound like you are putting your sons best interests first.

Bethamy - posted on 10/26/2015

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No I've went at least twice a yr for custody but his daddy had a better job and all and I do not won't stepmother to have anything to do with my child she has brainwashed him so bad. But I'm working on getting a good job and my own place right now or do u think I should jus go ahead and file or wait till I have all of that

Sarah - posted on 10/26/2015

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Ok, so that was 5 years ago, call CPS and petition to get custody of your child You were in a bad spot but are better now. If your ex is in jail your are the next logical person to care for your child. The step-mom can't even give legal consent for medical treatment. If you want to parent full time, then pursue it promptly. If you feel you are are not the best choice for your son then look to getting the step-mom to be the guardian. There must be a reason your son has not been in your care for the last five years, and you have also not pursued regaining custody? Right now, the care and safety of your child are top priority. If you aren't quite ready to take over, make sure whomever has him has all the legal documents necessary in case of emergency.

Bethamy - posted on 10/26/2015

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I got in a very deep depression and wasn't cleaning my apt like I should've and my sons daddy's wife called social services in me so that's Wat happen but it's been four almost five since and I have changed since then so that's Wat happened

Sarah - posted on 10/26/2015

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What happened in 2011? Why was sole custody given to your ex? You should have court documents that spell out the details. Those documents should specify what happens in the event of an illness, incarceration or death. This is your child! Man up and find the court order and read it! If you are the other guardian, go pick him up. Unless you are not telling us something, you should be the next in line to care for your own child!

Michelle - posted on 10/25/2015

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Like most of us have said, get a lawyer. We don't have all the details of your case and can't tell you the laws where you live. This is an international site.

Dove - posted on 10/24/2015

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So there is legal documentation stating that the stepmother has physical custody of your child?

WE can obviously not give you the answers you are looking for as it seems there is a lot more to your case than we understand if a stepparent was awarded custody in court.

All you can do is get a lawyer on Monday and see what happens.

Bethamy - posted on 10/24/2015

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Ok if they both shared primary physical custody will I still get my custody back?

Dove - posted on 10/24/2015

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Yep. Go first thing Monday morning and file for temporary emergency custody due to a change in circumstances (the father being in jail).

Sarah - posted on 10/24/2015

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If the custodial parent becomes incapacitated, then someone has to become the primary guardian. Jail would be considered incapable of parenting. Why are you not the legal guardian? Were you stripped of your parental rights? Contact CPS and get custody of your child.

Jodi - posted on 10/24/2015

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Step-mother has no real rights unless it is written in the court orders. So I'd file for emergency custody now if I were you.

Bethamy - posted on 10/24/2015

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I understand that I still am getting a lawyers advice and I still have my visitation rights nothing has been terminated but as if right now I heard his stepmother is bouncing him place to place to place.

Jodi - posted on 10/24/2015

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The step parent will generally not get a say unless your home is deemed to be inappropriate for the child. Like Dove said, get legal advice.

Dove - posted on 10/24/2015

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Have you been having regular visitations? I would assume the only way you would not get the child at least as long as the father is in jail is if you have had your parental rights terminated. The only time a stepparent has a say in legal matters is if there was a legal adoption. You'd be better off talking to a lawyer vs. asking random women online though.

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