HELP

Annabel - posted on 10/30/2015 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I found out that my husband has been committing adultery but as if that was not enough, he has been committing incest with his eldest daughter and cousin. I asked him out but somehow he is back. He says he has changed but i can not trust him and i fear for my own daughters. His daughter and cousin said they do not want him in jail so they will not report these abuse that has taken over 10 years. Can such a person truly change. am a christian and so he claims

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Sarah - posted on 10/30/2015

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I would not risk it. Too much at stake. He is also going to be good at manipulation. A good rule of thumb is past behavior predicts future behavior. If he has changed then he needs years of good behavior to prove it. Only a person that puts on blinders to past behavior is one making a stupid move. If he has truly changed then he will be fine staying away and proving the change for years to come by his behavior. If he is not ok with that then he truly has not changed.

Michelle - posted on 10/30/2015

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You need to get away from him for the sake of your children!
Could you live with yourself if he abused your children after you had taken him back? Would your children ever forgive YOU for putting them back in that situation?
He is a predator and will do or say anything to have access to children.
On top of that he's been cheating on you! He doesn't love you at all, you're just useful as the "wife" in front of everyone.
I'm sorry, but even if you're Christian, you need to get out of that relationship, it's too toxic. YOU need to do the right thing for your children, they are top priority.

Jodi - posted on 10/31/2015

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Typical abuser - deflect the responsibility onto everyone else and protest innocence. You did NOT push him to do anything. He is 100% responsible for his own choices. He made them. Not you. Him. How dare he tell you how you should feel? (Another typical abuse pattern).

Jodi - posted on 10/30/2015

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I'm sorry, are you thinking of taking this person back? Are you mad? Of course he hasn't changed. This is not a person I would want to have a relationship with.

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Sarah - posted on 11/01/2015

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And the girls he victimized are not responsible either, no matter how they behaved! Shame on him, there are probably other victims out there as well. Keep him away from you and your family. He can repent alone.

Annabel - posted on 10/31/2015

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Thank you for all you encouraging words as far as my dilemma. Indeed you have all given me a new perspective in which to look at the whole situation. In as much as my husband admitted to the abuse he still insist he was not 100% responsible, he insist the girls seduced him and that I pushed him to do it. To him i should not be hurt or angry, he repented why can't I let go and we move on as if nothing really ever happened! For something that has been ongoing since we were married that 7years ago till last year when i found out.His mother told me why am i making a big deal after all am not the girls' biological mother and the first cousin is not really a relative and added besides by the time your daughters are of age he will be too old to hurt them.
I know i have to stand up and protect my babies and its my prayer i dont ever let them down

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