Laura - posted on 01/07/2016 ( 7 moms have responded )




I have just become a mother to my beautiful baby boy. I've had a rough couple of months as I found out I was pregnant very late on. My mother was supposed to be at the birth and unfortunately the midwives sent her home as they said I defiantly wouldn't have the baby that night and 15 minutes later my baby arrived. Then when the oedeatrition came round we were told my son has talapies and are currently under going treatment for this. As yet I have not told his dad as I can't bear the thought of rejection I know deep down the right thing to do is to tell him but I'm just not in the right frame of made for rejection it was only a one night stand and I know nothing will ever happen between us but I would love for him to out my son to bed. I'm also petrified of him taking him from me. I'm scared that if he wants him over night I know legally I have no right to not allow this but he has his own routine with me and I'm scared they won't look after him right. On the other hand I don't want me son to hate me when he grows up?! Is there any other parents out there in this position?!


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Raye - posted on 01/08/2016




Well, if nothing else, you should tell the father and find out the medical history of him and his family. 1/4 of babies born with clubfoot have a family history of the defect. Your child could benefit by having the knowledge of medical issues on his father's side of the family.

But the other ladies are right. You should go to court to get custody established for yourself and visitation for the father (if he chooses to take advantage if it). You can also file for child support. It doesn't matter if it was a one-night-stand, he is still financially responsible for his offspring until 18 years of age.

Your personal feelings aren't in question. You feel what you feel. But if your feelings cause you to act in a way that is against the law, then it could have very real consequences for you later on. The father does have a right to know about his child. The father does have a right to spend time and form a relationship with his child. Your CHILD has a right to know and form a relationship with his father (if the father is willing). it's about a lot more than YOU now, and you need to consider other factors than your personal feelings.

If the father does "reject" the child then at least you have an answer and won't be wondering about it (and the child wouldn't have to wonder about it). But even if the father is in shock and doesn't want anything to do with you or the child in the beginning, he could change his mind later on. And he will still have rights later on unless you go to court for a judge to decide he doesn't.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/08/2016




Hi Laura. I am so sorry you had a rough birthing experience. My first was difficult also. I have no idea what it is your child was diagnosed for it, but I am glad that he is under advisement and treatment.

Your fear is warranted about the father, but it is still his child. First off, get a lawyer. Secondly, your lawyer can guide you about the next steps, but proving paternity will be in order. You should not be having to raise this child alone, and it isn't fair for the father to not even know about his son, regardless of a one night stand. Don't worry about rejection, it was a one time thing. This doesn't mean you will have to build a romantic relationship with this man, but it is in the best interest of your child to have contact with the father.

You are right, you cannot take away his rights. It would be an awful thing for your child to grow up never knowing his father. That isn't fair. I know you are trying to keep the best interest of your baby in mind, but expand on that. Set up paternity. If the father wants nothing to do with his child, that is fine, but at least you can set up child support (don't say YOU don't need it, your child DOES and can even just set up an account for your baby for future needs like college if you don't want the money). I have heard of way to many people saying they started searching for there father when they were old enough. That the father never knew and wished they did. Give this man a chance.

Jodi - posted on 01/08/2016




Laura, some of that information in your second post would have been very helpful in your opening post. You didn't say they told her she wasn't ALLOWED to stay. Just that they advised her you wouldn't have the baby that night.

I'm not sure how the rest of my comments weren't helpful. I can't exactly provide advice without answers to some of those questions. I also advised you that the father has rights. You may not have found it helpful, but the law doesn't care about that - legally he has rights. You may or may not agree, but that doesn't matter in the eyes of the law either. Helpful or not, that is just fact. Take it or leave it.

Michelle - posted on 01/08/2016




Jodi's other comments had some questions that would help if you could answer. It will help you get the right helpful replies.

I will say that you need to get a lawyer and get custody, visitation and child support sorted out by the courts ASAP.
You don't have the right to decide if your son sees his Father or not and his Father has the right to know he has a child and establish a relationship with him.
Since your son is so young the chances of the courts ruling for overnight visits is vary rare. Speak to your lawyer though.

Laura - posted on 01/08/2016




)Actually it's not our fault we were told my mom was not allowed to stay we were told I was only 2cm dilated and that there was no where for her to stay she had no choice but to go home we were very poorly treated in the hospital something that we are looking into further as for your other comments they've not helped at all (Y)

Jodi - posted on 01/07/2016




1. Not the midwives fault they sent your mother home. You and your mother made the decision for her to go home. Midwives can't always tell how much longer it is going to be. When I had my daughter, at 7pm, we were told we were in it for the long haul (I'd been there almost all day and was only 4cm dilated) but at 7:30pm I delivred. Everyone is different and you can't hold them responsible if you delivered 10x more quickly than the average person. Not sure what outcome you are after with this complaint, but just though I'd put it in perspective for you.

2. Tell the baby's father what? That the baby has been born? That you have had a baby/were pregnant? That the baby has talapies. Rejection of who? You or the baby?

3. The baby's father has rights. I am not sure what you mean by "taking him from you" but if you mean having a right to visitation, well, that comes with having a baby - the baby has two parents, both of whom have rights. It strikes me that here you are scared that dad will reject the child and yet scared that he will accept him. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

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