Angela - posted on 12/26/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )
When my daughters were 7 and 2, I divorced their father. By a bizarre turn of events, he won custody when the girls were 12 and 7, at my oldest daughter's request of wanting to live with them. Within a year, the girls found out that life wasn't going to be what was promised and wanted to move back, but I was drained of finances and did not have the emotional fight in me anymore, nor was their father going to give up custody and take the chance of having to pay me child support. My youngest daughter was the one most affected. At 7, she was having accidents in her pants, always fideting, nervous, started lying when it came to anything to do with her father and step-mother. On weekends they would be with me, both of them would be fideting around an hour before they were going to be picked up by their father, pacing and watching out the windows, but they would talk about why much less admit what they were doing. She had a real fear of her step-mother, but would never tell me why. I wanted to start taking her to a counselor on the evenings of my visitation, but was denied that by her father. And I'm not sure what was said to her but she started telling me that she didn't want to go like she was scared. They would meet me at my car when I picked her up and make me promise that I was not going to take her to a counselor or I would never get her again. When my youngest was 14, she called me and told me about some things going on and said that with the help of the school nurse, wrote a letter to the judge to request her to be placed in my home. By this time her older sister was moved out and on her own. There was a psychological eval ordered by the judge for her father and his wife and my husband and I. Her father and his wife refused to go and just gave over custody. Oh, the trouble we have had on hands since! I started taking her to a counselor, but that didn't seem to help her. She became very disrespectful and just plain downright hateful at times, and to this day, lies so much, I can't predict when she's telling the truth. I found out that she was having sex (from her sister) at 15 and confronted her about it at which time she tried to hit me. And oh my Gosh- the drama. I was constantly getting calls from the school principal that she was in some kind of confrontation or fight, all because she didn't know when to keep her mouth shut. She was dating total losers- one guy looked like a girl who fell face-first into a tacklebox, was a high school drop-out, 19 and didn't work. Now that I look back on it, I NEVER had control of the situation. At 17, she comes home with her boyfriend of (and I think I'm being generous) 3 weeks and informs me that she is pregnant. This is the boy who recently got out of the mental institution for telling her that he wants to seriously be like Dexter and go out and kill people. Come to find out, he has been a distubed person and under a doctor's care for most of his life. Scary think is that he is a master manipulator and hides it well. The day she turned 18, she moved into his parent's house. I didn't talk to her for several months. She would call in the middle of the night from time to time demanding that I come get her because they got into a fight and would call me names and tell me that I didn't love her when I refused. They ended up moving out on their own when our grandson was several weeks old, and by all signs looked they might be ok. It looked like the best case scenario. They got married in June of this year and when we went on a family vacation in August, he decided to try and have sex with one of her friends while she was away. It is over, but the drama continues. She and my grandson have been living with us for about three months now. My husband and I love him dearly. He is such a good baby and we are afraid that his parent's actions are going to destroy that. If I try to talk to her about anything that she shouldn't be doing, it ends in a shouting match and she tells me she and her son are moving out... and it's never her fault- it's mine, or her father's, or the neighbor's, or the postman's, ect. She's been attending parties, drinking, and acting very unlady-like, and that's putting it mildly. First off, she won't ever be able to afford to live on her own. Second, I would always worry about who my grandson is spending time with. Third, I don't think my grandson would receive the love and nurturing that he receives from my husband and I. At least here, he has stability. She takes pictures of him and posts them on facebook calling him the most important thing in her life but her actions say otherwise. The main thing she is after right now is to find another man. Oh how oh how do I deal with this?